The pained look on Jay’s face told me I’d got it all wrong. I don’t know why I didn’t run straight after him but I just couldn’t.
I kissed Blondie I didn’t want him to know anything was up, he was so cute and had been so excited when I’d joined his shower. For a beginner he was great at sucking cock too. I told him I’d call later.
Jay wasn’t in the room when I got back. I couldn’t just sit and wait. I got dressed and gathered up our laundry, stripping his bed and making it up with clean bedding.
I grabbed a cab to Koreatown I hated the dorm laundry so always went to a laundry that did loads by weight. I asked for express service.
I wondered round the stores, picking up treats I thought Jay would like from a bakery and a deli. I then sat in a tea place and tried to work out what to say. How to explain.
I ran through the last few weeks and for the most part they were the best time in my life, I was crazy about Jay and every minute alone with him had been amazing.
I needed to let him know how much I loved him, how insecure I’d been and beg forgiveness. I felt better, I was sure he would eventually calm down and listen. I didn’t expect him to forgive me straight away but I was sure he wouldn’t throw what we had away. His despair made me feel a lot more secure in what we had and I left the tea room feeling confident.
The dorm room was empty, I put the food in the fridge, opened the window, put away our clothes, swept the floor and took out the trash. I called Jay to ask if we could talk. No answer. I was a bit worried so I texted the guys to see if any of them were with him, they all replied no sign, except Felix who didn’t reply, I figured he was probably at work.
I hit the books, I didn’t want to miss him if he came back, I tried calling Jay a few more times. At 8pm I was getting even more worried so sent out another message to call if anyone saw him. Felix replied this time.
“Fuck off he doesn’t ever want to see you, stop calling”
At least I knew he was with a friend.
He didn’t come back that night or all day Sunday. I left messages to say I’d love to talk when he was ready, I tried to keep it low key and not desperate but it was hard.
More messages arrived from Felix.
“Leave him alone”
“He has nothing to say, stop calling”
“He’s moving on, he will never want to talk to you”
Jamie came by Sunday night.
“Look I hate doing this, I’m totally staying out of it, I’m not on anyones side but Jay needs his books and some clothes for tomorrow.”
“And he won’t come in with me here?”
“Take whatever, no I’ll go out, tell him I won’t be back tonight, he’s safe from me, I’ll keep out his way.”
I grabbed some stuff and walked out the dorm. I went to a motel. It was a bit far to be a long term solution without a car but I thought he’d be sure to calm down and talk soon.
Classes went on as usual, I didn’t see much of any of the guys, I mostly kept out the way.
I had a lab and class with Peter, he came over to talk before class started.
“Nuts about Felix and Jay isn’t it”
“Felix and Jay?”
“Yeah how fast they got together, Felix is telling everyone how it’s love and it’s going to be a long term thing, he’s found his forever guy”
I tried desperately not to cry. “I had no idea, as long as Jay is happy I’m happy for him.”
“What happened with you two? I didn’t know you’d split until I saw them together”
“When? When did you see them?”
They hadn’t even waited a day. I spent class in a daze, I avoided Peter and dashed out when it was over.
I moved back to the room but only to sleep, I made sure I was out the door before he woke and stayed in the library or gym until late. I didn’t see him awake. After a week or so Felix was often sleeping in the bed with him. It was hell.
After that Peter ignored me in class and other than Jamie I didn’t speak to the others, they didn’t reach out either. Jamie and Emma still had lunch with me now and then but Felix and Jay were a taboo subject, I couldn’t bring myself to ask anyway.
About 3 weeks after the blow up, midterms had just finished and I was sat with Emma having lunch, Blondie approached with a guy I didn’t know, he was cute maybe 5’8ish, brown hair and glasses, a bit nerdy, like most the guys here are.
“This is my boyfriend Brian, Brian this is Alexander and Emma. Alexander was one of the guys who helped me coming out”
I shook Brian’s hand
“You’re very lucky, Blondie is a great guy, I’d love if we could get together some time to get to know you better.”
Blondie beamed at me,
“I’m glad it’s not weird”
I smiled, glad he was talking to me and I was really delighted he’d found someone.
Emma had to head off, as she left Peter, Aaron and Eric sat down, they clearly knew Brian already. Whilst they didn’t actively include me in conversation they weren’t rude.
Then Felix and Jay arrived, I guess they hadn’t seen me, but then Felix started going off
“Ugh why is here, who said he could sit here. Hey you, fuck off and eat somewhere else.”
Before I could open my mouth Blondie jumped in.
“Grow up Felix this isn’t high school, I sat with him because I wanted to, no one asked you to join us.”
“Of course you wanted to, does Brian know what kind of scum you are?”
Blondie was red, Eric looked stunned and Jay, well Jay wouldn’t look at me.
I stood to leave.
“Go on chop chop, you know you’re not welcome, it would be best if you didn’t come back, better still drop out altogether.”
Stupidly I took the bait.
“Felix what exactly did I do to you?”
“You know what you did, cheating on Jay like that, I don’t like people who hurt those I love.”
“You have to be in a relationship to cheat, Jay told all of you often enough we weren’t a couple.”
“Bullshit, you knew how he felt and you chucked it all in his face.”
I was mad, I didn’t want this to be public or with Felix but I was so angry and upset. I boiled over.
“Jay did you ever say you loved me? Ever ask me to be exclusive? Ever ask me to be your boyfriend? No, no, and no. You were happy to suck every cock here, how was I to know it was off limits for me?”
I ran out. I knew Jay was crying and I hated doing that to him. I didn’t believe what I was saying, I wasn’t sure I’d made any sense but I was so wound up I couldn’t see straight. I’d left my bag behind too. No way I could go back in.
Peter and Blondie came out with my bag, Blondie hugged me and said he’d call about getting together. Peter handed me my bag and we headed to class together.
“I’m sorry, I guess we only heard one side of the story, and that was Felix’s side. It was easy to paint you as the villain”
“Thanks, it’s been pretty lonely”
“The stupid thing is none of us liked Felix we only had him around in the first place as he was your friend”
After class he grabbed my hand
“Aaron and Eric owe me the room for the night, I’ve had so many on the sofa for them, I’m cashing in. Come on over we’re going to fuck it better”
“Come on we’re the hottest guys in our group and I know what’s in your pants. I know I’ve some aggression I want to work out”
He wiggled his eyebrows and pulled me into a hug, I didn’t resist.
“Can I shower here?” I asked
“Sure, clean up good, I’m taking that ass tonight”
I was about to tell him I didn’t do that, then stopped myself, a good fucking was exactly what I needed. At least it wouldn’t remind me of Jay.
Peter was nude and looking proud of his hard on when I walked in, I laughed and dropped my towel to show my equal erection. I dropped to my knees to take him in my mouth, I was excited to explore his massive sack, lapping at his balls, lifting them to get a good taste then taking his leaky cock fully in.
“I wanted you that first day. I was pretty surprised you didn’t call”
I looked up and between licks of his shaft and said
“I expected a fuck me call after that first dinner, what took you so long?”
I stood up and he pushed me back, lubbing up his fingers.
“Go gentle it’s been over a year”
“Really? I’m honoured”
He spent his time opening me up, once ready I flung my legs up onto his shoulders, he worked his beautiful cock into me slowly, taking a couple of tries for the head to go in. He inched on in and I concentrated on just breathing. Once he was in the pain eased and I was hornier than I’d been in weeks.
“Go for it big boy”
He was a good lover, no kissing which I missed, I liked to watch his hot face, he was loud and enjoying himself as he upped the pace.
“I want you deep”
He didn’t need asking twice, soon he was so far inside filling me up, the physical act taking away the mental pain and I let my mind clear. I could feel him reaching climax and enjoyed feeling the weight of his body as he collapsed forward.
We lay on his bed and made out some, he reached to jerk me off but I told him I was tired.
“Today’s shit took it out of me sorry not to be a more exciting lover tonight.”
“Worked for me” he grinned and I laughed.
“I’m so embarrassed about today but I’m not regretting it now I’m in your bed. We should have done this weeks ago. Wish I’d gone with my first instincts”
“Me too, we could have been awesome together”
We kissed a little, and I fell asleep.
In the morning he woke me kissing my chest.
“My turn, I want your big cock. But it’s got to be fast, I’ve class soon”
“What a come on, come here”
He took me in his mouth and I played with his ass, opening him up as he ensured I was a rock.
He got on all fours and I pushed in, I wasted little time building up to speed he was begging for it harder and faster and I obliged, slamming into him until he shot all over his bed. I looked down and remembered those thick ropes at the party. I pulled out. He’d had an orgasm but i felt I’d been shit, I wasn’t sure what was off, I was so disconnected. It was just a fuck. Maybe it’s weird as its a friend, easier to have just a fuck with someone you don’t really know.
I apologised and dressed and shot out of there. Glad we didn’t have a class together today. I blew off my first class to shower at the gym and work out. Going back to the dorm when I thought Jay would be gone. He was, I’d half hoped I’d see him so I could apologise.
I pulled out my phone and sent him a text.
“I’m sorry for yesterday”
I exhaled, his first communication in weeks.
I went to class feeling a heap better.
Over the weekend I hung out with Blondie and Brian, we went to a movie and for food.
“I’m totally crashing your date ain’t I?”
“Alexander we’re friends, I can tell you to fuck off if I didn’t want you to come with us. I’ve missed you and anyway I’ve told Brian so much about you he thought you were imaginary”
It was nice to have a normal evening, we had great fun. I made sure to leave before too late so they still had lots of lover time.
The room was empty when I got back. I did homework and slept. Sunday I hit the gym early before Jay woke up. I half thought about studying in the dorm but decided that the Math department library was safer, I avoided the main library on Sundays so I didn’t run into Felix.
On Wednesday three great things happened.
Jamie sent me a text “Felix and Jay on the rocks, Felix going home at weekend to think”
“I so didn’t tell you. I heard about the shit at lunch and let Felix have it.”
“Are you more comfortable down from the fence?”
“I’m still Switzerland”
Then after class Peter came over, we’d not spoken since fucking last week.
“Hey Alexander, we’re having film night Friday in the suite, please come”
“Sure, is it for your film class?”
“Yes, and yes that means Jay is coming and yes he’s okay with you coming”
“Yes, can you bring booze?”
“Vodka, I doubt I can score more beer in time”
“That’s cool we’ll make some punch”
“Thanks Peter, I really appreciate the invite, you don’t have to keep giving me chances”
“I like you, I know we can’t happen until you’re over Jay. I don’t know if it was him that freaked you out last week but I’m cool, we had fun, nothing more to it. I’d like to have more fun, if I can ever get the damn room. I’m trying to find somewhere else to live”
“Really? You’d give up that sweet suite?”
“For a bed maybe”
“You’re too nice you should just stare at them fucking”
“Oh I’ve tried but Aaron always asks me to join them”
We cracked up, it felt great to laugh.
I went straight to the dorm after my last class, my good mood had me forgetting my usual hide out routine. I opened the door to see Jay sorting his clothes.
“Shit, sorry, I’ll go” as I backed out the door he started talking to me.
“I miss you doing my laundry”
“Glad I was useful for something, not that I actually ever did it myself”
“Laundry service in Koreatown”
“That’s why it was so soft and fragrant, you didn’t use the shitty laundry room”
I giggled, not sure what to make of the conversation.
“Did Peter ask you to come Friday?”
“Yes, are you sure you’re okay with it? Is Your keeper okay with it?”
“I’m okay with it, that’s what matters”
I couldn’t help it, I crossed the room and pulled him into a hug. He didn’t resist me.
I whispered I’m so sorry in his ear over and over.
I decided to head to the library to stop myself from trying to push further.
“Jay, if you ever need laundry doing, just ask.”