Blondie and Eric left to walk back to campus and Jay and I were left alone.
“Ready for the big talk Jay?”
“I honestly feel a bit daft bringing it all up now. Given we’ve been getting on so well. Quite honestly I’d like to drag you upstairs and fuck you til the stars come out and pretend it’s 2 months ago.”
“I think Blondie will kill you or me rather if he finds out we’ve been fucking not talking. It’s not that I don’t want to, I’m rock hard for you right now.”
“Do you need a minute, will you be able to concentrate?”
He punched my arm.
We went up to the top of the house.
We shook out the blankets I brought with me and lay down.
“I’m going to kiss you, just in case you hate me after this. I want to remember your amazing kisses.”
Jay smiled, we kissed.
“I love you, anything I say now is not a deliberate attempt to hurt you. I want a chance to explain things and I need some answers from you.”
“Okay, I love you too.” He kissed me again.
“I knew I loved you after about 3 days. I knew I was in serious like when you let me kiss you when we were out buying stuff for our room. I’m sorry I didn’t say it then.”
“I told you from that first wiggle I was planning my life with you. That shopping trip is one of my favorite memories. I felt we were any normal couple making a home together. ”
“I know that first week I was up and down, I was determined to explore who else was out there so flirted with Felix and Peter and probably loads of random guys I liked the look of. I knew it was no good, I should stop treating you so casually and show you I was serious.”
“You had me so insecure that week, and the feeling didn’t really leave, I was always waiting for you to leave me.”
“I was in your bed every night. I stopped flirting. I did your damn laundry. You were the one telling everyone we weren’t a couple. I’d always been quite confident with guys but you had me questioning myself, just like you I was always expecting to find out you had someone else.” I was getting angry.
“We were stupid. We lost so much time. I knew you loved me, you knew I loved you we just deprived each other of hearing it out loud. Heck I told everyone else how much I loved you and how much I wished you’d call me your boyfriend.” Said Jay.
“Yeah I heard that recently from Eric and Blondie, I had no idea. Explains why I was the bad guy.”
“Well I was, but you were no saint Jay as Blondie always says.”
“He hates me.”
“No, he’s just the one who eventually took my side. So at the uh BJ party I was mad at you for leaving me hanging. I was jealous sharing you. Then at the diner you went off on one about us not being a couple. Blondie knew I was upset, he was mad at you on my behalf. I’d just been the first guy to make him cum he was feeling closer to me. I was upset you were flirting so much and I know now this isn’t the case but I thought you had been fucking Felix on the side.”
“Seriously? I wasnt with Felix until you cheated. I was mad at you too. I wanted you to declare you were my boyfriend in front of everyone, I was thinking of giving up on us if you didn’t. I’ve no idea why I didn’t just ask you to be mine. Yes I was flirting, I was trying to make you fight for me, show you wanted me.”
“Were you ever happy with me? Or was the lack of status always a problem?”
“I was often happy, all the time when we were alone. Every time you held my hand in public, all those double dates. I was crazy in love but you were so closed off. Of course now I feel guilty about all those family questions I asked.”
“Not your fault, if I’d said they were dead you might have shut up or you might have gone on asking how where why and it’s been 6years but my Mom will always be hard to talk about.”
I wiped my tears and took a breath.
“So after the diner you were asleep when I got back from the bathroom and I slept in my own bed. I was so mad at you and I didn’t want to forgive you yet. Sleeping alone was punishment for both of us. I got up and showered, I saw Blondie jacking off and I joined him, he knew I was upset and wanted to comfort me. When you caught us I knew from the look on your face that you didn’t have anyone else. I convinced myself that once you calmed down I could tell you how much I loved you and you’d take me back.
But it was too late you were with Felix before I could even speak to you. That was the worst month of my life and it was all my own fault. Now I understand why you were upset, and I accept Felix took your side, but why did you get Peter, Aaron and Eric to ditch me?”
“I didn’t. Felix was a bitch, ripped you daily to the others. And I guess from all my previous moaning about you everyone thought you were already the bad guy until that day you went mental at lunch. Jamie really let Felix have it for that one and my feelings for him vanished. I’m so sorry he spoke to you that way and I didn’t say anything to stand up for you. I was too embarrassed to move.
Then when you started ranting at me I realized you were right, so much of our relationship was in my head. We were so shit at talking.”
“We were good in bed though. Did you really only top Felix?”
“Were you versatile with Peter?”
“Yeah, though I found out later Aaron didn’t like me topping him.”
“Was Peter rough with you? Sorry that’s a bit personal.”
“You know I’m totally vanilla, sometimes I thought he wanted it rougher but I think he got that from Aaron. I’ve no idea when they fitted it in as Eric and I were always around.”
“You never wanted to top me.”
“Why would I when you were so willing to give me your big dick? Our sex life was perfect for me. You encouraged me to get off when you were too tired, but we still did loads together, I rarely jerked off alone when I was with you. You loved it, I loved it, it was all over our faces. From the first time it was always wholly pleasurable with you.”
“Stop being so damn sexy. Can we take a break before the next bit? It’s the most difficult part for me.”
“You should have ordered takeout, egg rolls, mmmmm”
“Oh god you fed Peter my Thanksgiving egg rolls didn’t you.”
“I’m so sorry, I totally did, they were yummy and she hid them under carrot sticks.”
“I hate you.”
“It’s okay. Mamma Cat will cater our wedding, 3 courses of egg rolls and a wonton wedding cake.”
“Wedding, we’re barely friends right now.”
“Ahh we might not get back together today but you know we will be one day and when we do that’ll be it for us.”
“You just want me for my money.”
“And your big cock.”
“Great and I’m getting a poor husband with a little dick.”
“Pfft you love me anyway. If this next bit is going to be difficult maybe we need to make out some more.”
I couldn’t resist. He was being charming and making things far easier than I imagined. I was so busy blaming him I’d forgotten how shit I’d been. We’d both been idiots. We kissed for maybe half an hour. It was glorious. Though I also had Blondie in my head telling me to stop messing about and get on with it.
“Okay. I don’t want to go through the ins and outs yet so I’ll just ask the big question. Why did you stop talking to me and chuck me out the room after I told you I loved you?”
Jay doesn’t speak. He looks confused then starts crying.
I wait for him to speak, I can’t comfort him this time.
He wipes his own tears.
“That is what it’s all about? Why Blondie hates me, why Eric was in your bad books? It’s why you won’t take me back. It’s what those guys need you to straighten things out with me?”
He breathes in and I wait.
“From what you said earlier, you thought Peter and I would spill your secret if you didn’t move? Did he threaten you?”
“No, none of you spoke to me about it. Only Eric really and by then it was a done deal. I had study group that morning. I left you a soppy note on the fridge, telling you how much I loved you and couldn’t wait to see you later. I really thought you’d forgiven me and we could be together.”
I stop to try and compose myself.
“I had a bunch of weird texts from Eric thanking me and telling me he’d introduce Clifford. I had no clue what was going on. In the dining hall Aaron said something I didn’t understand, then Clifford was saying welcome to the room and you were kissing Peter. I couldn’t be mad at you for choosing him, I was jealous as hell, but you were free to do that. But to not acknowledge the letter or to even mention you were unhappy with me being in the room, to not speak at all, it felt so cruel. I just had no clue what I did wrong, why you suddenly hated me so much.”
Jay looks at me panicked then terrified.
“You didn’t do anything wrong.”
“Nothing? You rejected me, smashed up my heart just because? For revenge?”
“There’s nothing else to say. I’m going back to the dorm. I’m sorry we couldn’t work things out.”
I chased him down the stairs and caught his hand.
I could see the pain in his eyes, I knew he hadn’t meant to hurt me, I just needed to know what happened.
“Jay please, I need to know your side. What happened? Did Aaron tell you I wanted to move?”
“Did you think it was weird I’d called him and not you, or even Peter?”
“Peter said you’d freaked out before when you two had sex. I thought you were freaking out again and couldn’t face us.”
“But you were too busy with Peter to bother to call me and see if I was okay?”
“I was giving you space. We were only just speaking again. Anyway I hadn’t even invited Peter to move in. Aaron said you wanted to move, that you were happy for me and Peter. I thought it was a bit weird you were pushing us together but I thought it meant you’d moved on. That maybe your ‘I love you’ meant goodbye, not let’s try again.
I went up to the room to find you, but your stuff was gone and you were avoiding me again. I never saw your note”
“Did I have a chance that night or were you and Peter already together?”
“You had a more than a shot, I was dreaming of it. Told myself off for getting ahead of myself again.
After I was convinced you’d freaked out and didn’t want me, Peter was there telling me he’d liked me for ages, that he loved me, that he wanted to be my boyfriend. Everything I’d ever wanted to hear from you. I was flattered, he is so hot, so I jumped in and decided to try a fresh start with someone new.”
“I wish I’d skipped my study group, I didn’t worry about leaving you guys together, I had not idea you were that into him. You’d never mentioned it before.”
“I told you I was flattered. Then I fell for him fast, until Thanksgiving he had seemed the model boyfriend. It was only at the end I realized he’d been with Aaron all along, I should have known from Erics warnings.”
“I’m sorry, you’re worth so much more than us cheaters.”
“I’ve long forgiven you, I don’t even blame Peter, Aaron played so many mind games, however I’m not going to be a walkover again.”
“Good, you know I like feisty Jay best. I’ve hated seeing you so lost.”
“I’m pretty sure I still love you, I don’t think you deliberately hurt me. But I think you need some time alone, I cant be another rebound guy for you. If we give it another go it needs to be right. I think we both need to be the strong guys we used to be, then we could maybe take it slow.”
“I will be that guy for you.”
“Do it for you, not for what might be with me.”
“I’ve demands too.”
“We don’t let anything fester again. No hiding away. We talk to each other not anyone else. You damn well answer my questions.”
I giggle and kiss him.
“Once a week we have date night, just you and me, platonic or as lovers, doesn’t matter who we are dating once a week it’s just you and me. Tuesdays.” Jay continued.
“I’d like that.”
I kiss him again.
“Jay, can we have one more night together?”
“Are you offering to fuck my ass Alexander?”
“You could fuck mine.”
“Um I could if you want, but I’ve really, really missed your big dick.”
I make love to him with all that I have until dawn.
We get up groggy, called a cab back to the dorm to save time, showered and said our goodbyes as Jay headed to the airport.
I tearfully packed up my dorm room then cabbed my stuff back over to the house.
Sal had set up meetings with several contractors who went through my ideas and added their suggestions. They would all send through costings, time-frames and availability.
I knew the one I liked most and hoped they were available.
I told Sal.
“Good, that was my little brother. He’ll make time.”
“Is he single? He’s cute.”
“Married, hands off he’s dad to my favorite nephew.”
“Thanks for today, it’s a bit outside your job description. I really appreciate it.”
I handed over a box with a fancy handbag in.
“I love it, thank you. I’m afraid there is business too. I know you’ll be in the office next week but here’s some reading for the plane. 3 scripts, 1 is the sequel to the zombie flick with you as the lead. One is a big budget teen comedy, you’d read for the sidekick and the other is a alien abduction, you’d be unrecognizable as an alien and it fits in this summer. Please think about it, I’ve booked meetings for you for all 3, we’ll cancel any after you’ve read them if you really hate them.”
“The focus groups for Zombie Darklands have been very positive, especially about you. The link between Sandy and Sasha is known, and we are getting a lot of interview requests. The press guys will go through it with you. You need to be prepared for someone finding out its you.”
“Come on enough time has passed, I’m not a story.”
“What happened to child stars is always a story. What happened to child star whose mother was murdered in front of him will always be a big payday for someone. I’m not saying there is an active bounty on your head I’m saying be prepared.”
“Thanks. I’ve honestly been lucky to have had 4 and a half years of freedom. I was the one to dip my toe back in, I knew the risks.”
“I know you’ll not go for the comedy but do think on the sequel, they’re keen and I need a new car.”
“I promise I’ll read everything and go to the meetings.”
“Okay, love you kid. See you next week.”
I walked round my new home. I was excited even if it was freezing.