After getting back to school from my house I met up with Jamie to help him move rooms, he apologized but I told him if he hadn’t taken the room someone else would.
We caught up on our breaks and arranged to have lunch with Emma later in the week like we had last semester.
When I got back to the suite Peter was there, I felt somewhat awkward.
“I’ve a total sense of déjà vu.” I said
“What? Why?” asked Peter totally confused.
“Just before break Jay and I had a big talk to clear the air. I guess we need to have the same sort of talk if I’m going to be remotely comfortable here.” I said.
” I owe you a lot of explanations. I’m sorry for everything. I was a selfish pig but I can explain.” said Peter
“So what happened? I know you said you were looking for a room swap. I guess you saw Eric’s room and realized you had no chance of getting someone else to take it.” I said.
“Yup, Aaron was pressuring me to move out and I wanted to. It’s no fun seeing your ex building a far better relationship than we ever had right in front of you. So I agreed to move, depending how I liked Clifford, I thought Eric’s room would be like yours, he’d kept quiet about it being tiny. No idea why they doubled that room instead of tripling one like yours or Blondies. I couldn’t believe he’d lasted that long without going nuts.” Peter said.
“Heh we should have tripled that room, would have saved a lot of heartbreak if we’d just continued as a threesome.” I said.
“Hahaha. Though I think Jay would have had trouble sharing you longer term.” Peter mused.
“So you and Aaron came up with a plan to screw me over?” I asked.
“Not exactly. I was planning to bribe Jay to move. I know he’s not well off. Then I guess another night with Aaron and Eric had me wanting a boyfriend. I’d liked what you and Jay had had, how easy you were together, when Jay wasn’t stressing. You and I had that one night and I knew you wernt ready so I went for Jay. The threesome was a bonus. I’m sorry for stealing your note. Once I knew your secret I stopped seeing you as a real person.” said peter.
“What? I’m real, real feelings, real blood.”
“I know but you’re not like the rest of us, you don’t need to be here. I felt like you should have the shitty room because you had every other advantage. I’m sorry it was really mean. I took advantage of your secret to get Jay and the room, I didn’t have to blackmail you, you picked it up straight away that you had to keep quiet. I’m sorry.”
“If you wanted Jay as a boyfriend why did you want to keep fucking Aaron?” I asked.
“I didn’t really. I was jealous of Eric having Aaron the good guy as a boyfriend.” said Peter.
“He wasn’t that good to Eric.” I said.
“Mostly he was, only near the end he was pushing for more openness that Eric didn’t really want.
Until thanksgiving I’d only been with Aaron without Eric once and that was before I got together with Jay. The threesomes Eric wanted, well agreed to to keep Aaron happy. But he always seemed to enjoy it” said Peter.
“Really. The rumors were you and Aaron kept up the rough stuff the whole time.” I said curious if Eric was blind to it or if he was right.
“That’s not true, I bet that was a Felix rumor. Sometimes I like to be overpowered and knocked about a bit, to be spanked. Aaron likes to dominate. So now and then we’d go for it. That was the plan for Thanksgiving it was a need and nothing to do with Eric or Jay. Eric got it, Jay didn’t. ” Peter explained, matching Erics story, I was a little surprised but happy.
“I don’t think you explained it right to him.” I said
” No you’re right, I was worried about losing Jay either way, he’s so loving that I didn’t think he’d understand. Thanks for sending him back to me that weekend.” Peter said.
“My biggest mistake, given you to chucked him away a week later!” I laughed.
“Yeah. Aaron videoed us at thanksgiving. He also had some pictures of me and my old swim coach from the summer. He was all out blackmailing me. That bareback fuck was just one thing he wanted from me. I liked Jay a lot and thought he might not notice if it happened whilst all four of us were at it. I hadn’t counted on Aaron using that night to dump Eric, I’d stupidly forgotten how he loved the dramatic. I didn’t want to put Jay at more risk of Aaron’s schemes so let him go with out a fight.” Peter said, sounding really regretful.
“Aaron really is a shit.” I said.
“It’s why he’s not back. I was never with my swim coach in high school but we hooked up a couple of times over the summer. He’s just out of college, a great coach and I didn’t want to have his career hurt. Over winter break I confronted Aaron about deleting the pictures, I offered cash, my ass, anything. He asked me to do a semesters papers for him. His dad overheard the whole thing. He went postal, threw Aaron’s computer out the window, told him he wasn’t paying to put a cheat through school.” Peter explained.
“Yeah. Aaron’s not totally cut off but he has to transfer and has to live at home if he wants to continue college.” Peter explained.
“I’m not sorry about that.” I said.
“Me either. I’m finally free of him. I should never have agreed to room with him but I was worried about sharing with a stranger, being gay.” Peter said sounding truthfully relieved.
“Totally understand. I hit the room mate lottery that way but I was worried too before I got here.” I said.
“Look I’m really, really sorry. I hope you can forgive me.” said Peter.
“I wasnt the greatest bloke myself last semester. All is forgiven, just don’t do it again. If you hurt me or Jay or Eric or Blondie I will make your life hell.” I said grinning.
“Understood. You want to work out together this semester? I really like how you’re shaped now.” Peter said going straight for flattery.
“That would be great! I think us as roomies will totally work out if we avoid more drama and don’t go after the same guys.” I said feeling so much calmer, happy even.
Later I called Harry to see if he was back and still interested in a date. I thought someone new would be a good way to move on from Jay.
“Alexander I think you’re great but over break Bobby and I realized we missed each other so much. We’re giving us a proper go.” Harry said.
“I’m so pleased for you. Disappointed for me obviously. Maybe you’d both like to go to a club sometime with me and my roommate and Eric? I’m looking to expand my social experiences this semester.” I said.
“Yes that would be so cool. We want to get out more too.” said Harry.
“Me too my college social life has not been a bit pathetic so far, New Years resolution. I’ll set something up with Eric and get back to you.”
“Cool.” said Harry hanging up.
On Tuesday afternoon I was heading to the gym to workout with Peter when Jay called.
“Hey Alexander, finally caught you. I can’t believe you’re not in our dorm any more.” said Jay brightly.
“Oh” I replied totally shocked to hear from him.
“It’s Tuesday where shall we go on our date tonight?” Jay asked.
“I’m sorry I have plans. This Tuesday thing won’t work for me, we’re never getting back together. Let’s stop pretending. We’re not lovers, we’re not friends, just lose my number okay.” I said, so angry at the way he was acting. I needed a clean break from him, I needed to get over him.
I hung up, switched off my phone and hurried to catch up with Peter.
Peter and I worked out well together, being pretty similar builds with the same goals it was fun. We headed to dinner together after. The dining hall near the suites was waaaaaaaay better than the one near my old dorm.
“Why on earth did you and Aaron ever eat ours after the first time?” I asked.
“Uh hot guys, good conversation. We’d eat poptarts or noodles in our room after.” Peter laughed
“I can see this place is lacking in hot guys.” I said looking around disappointed, it was mostly girls.
“Just you and me buddy.” grinned Peter.
I didn’t turn on my phone until I was back in the room. I listened to an angry voicemail from Blondie, screaming at me for upsetting Jay. So much for being my best buddy, a few weeks ago he hated Jay, now he hated me.
Eric had texted a Swiss flag, then a follow up.
“Actually I’m on your side. They’re being dicks.”
I gave him a quick call.
“You don’t need to choose sides. You live with those guys and they’ve done nothing to you. Or to me really, I just can’t deal with them right now.” I said.
Blondie starts screaming in my ear, he must have grabbed Eric’s phone. I hang up.
“More drama?” Asks Peter.
“Blondie and Jay hooked up at New year. Made sure I could hear every grunt and squelch.” I said, fed up.
“I’m sorry.”Peter replied.
“It’s fine they were free to do so. It just felt kind of rude in a hotel suite is paid for. I can’t believe I’m getting on with you and Eric better than those 2. Anytime I reveal who I am I lose friends.” I complain.
“You told them?” Peter asked.
“Yeah I was hoping they’d live at my place next semester and it was time to let them in. Blondie and I were so close it felt wrong he didn’t know.” I explained.
“You bought a place? I’ll take a room if they’re dropping out.” Peter said,
“I’d have to check with Eric. Hey you want to go to a gay club sometime? Might be a way for you and Eric to reconnect.”I said.
I got ready for bed while Peter was playing a game. After a while he went to bed too. A few minutes later I hear the sound of him jerking under the covers.
I rolled round to face his bed.
“Peter, I’ve seen your cock, we’ve fucked, no need to hide it. I might even enjoy a look” I said boldly.
He grinned and threw back the covers.
“Come get a closer look.” he invited.
I sat on the edge of my bed enjoying the view for a moment before walking over to his bed.
I leaned in and kissed him, he responded with a lot of passion. We held each other tightly, grinding against each other and kissing. He rolled on top of me, I enjoyed feeling the weight of his body. He began to stroke us together, biting my lip, rubbing his body against mine.
It had been ages since I’d had any relief and I knew I wouldn’t last. I grabbed his head and held him still as I kissed him still deeper. Moaning into his mouth I came against our stomachs, with a roar he joined me.
He rolled off me, we panted side by side, then kissed some more, more gently.
“Roommates with benefits?” I asked.
“Fuck yeah.” He replied.
We cleaned ourselves up best we could, kissed some more before I slipped back into my own bed. I was not going confuse roommate benefits with something more this time.
The next day I got started on my reading for English in the library, later I called Eric and arranged to go over as Jay was out.
We had a fun evening playing a racing game that neither of us was any good at, we had a long chat about the rest of his break and his Mom. We talked about our plans to go to LA for spring break to sort out his job on the movie.
Then Jay arrived. I kissed Eric goodbye and quickly made to leave.
“Alexander I didn’t do anything wrong. It was just a birthday suck. Stop being pissy with me.” Jay said.
“You never do anything on purpose. I still end up hurt. My life sucks when you’re in it.”I screamed at him, letting my anger out for once.
I ran out the room and back to mine.
“Will he ever come round?” I asked Eric.
“Come off it Jay. He thinks you’re getting back together and you fuck his best friend loudly when he’s already depressed. He’s right he dosent need someone like you in his life.” Eric replied.
I look at Eric feeling a little ashamed but then he goes off again.
“Did you even thank him for the trip? I know you didn’t call over break as I was the only one who did. You’re so fucking selfish. He paid for us all to fly out, stay in an amazing suite costing thousands and you just fuck him over for some revenge.” Eric angrily shouted.
“A few thousand is nothing to him. It wasn’t revenge it was a friendship fuck, a birthday suck, we were just sealing our friendship, making up to make Alexander happy.” I said.
“You were making yourselves happy and him miserable. He was already depressed, he’d been alone almost every night of break, he cried all night. He was trying to give you a great birthday and you couldn’t keep your hands off Blondie for the time it took to light the fucking candles on your cake.” Eric carried on angrily.
“Fuck off Eric, its clear you were happy to comfort him. You probably cooked up the room arrangements with Blondie as you were after Alexanders big dick.” I replied getting worked up.
“Fuck you. I comforted Alexander as a friend not with sex, he was in no state for that even if I’d wanted to . He loves you but that isn’t enough for you. Why cant you just admit you’re shit to him for kicks?” Eric shouted.
I went to bed I couldn’t deal with any more of Eric.
I had no idea what I was doing. At New year I thought we were going to have a group thing, we were all kissing at midnight but then later Eric and Alexander weren’t there and Blondie and I were getting it on and it was fun. I thought they’d join in or were having their own thing. It was a party it was fun.
I didn’t know Alexander would object to it. Then new years day he didn’t really talk to me, he just stuck to Eric all day. When we went back to the suite it had just turned into my birthday and he didn’t say anything, didn’t kiss me, nothing. He and Eric disappeared and Blondie wished me happy birthday and suggested he suck me off as a gift. I had no reason to say no.
I didn’t think things were right with Alexander but I didn’t expect him to just reject me flat out like that. To say we’re not even friends. I don’t know how I’ll get over this.
Maybe I have feelings for Blondie, I mean I must do to risk everything with Alexander to be with him. No, thats not it.
“Eric do you think I messed things up with Alexander on purpose? Do you think I put too much pressure on myself to make my next shot with him last forever?” I asked.
“Maybe. I think you two could be the real thing, when you were together we all loved you as a couple, we were jealous because you just seemed to fit together. You had what most of us wanted. You said you wanted your forever someone, were you lying to yourself?” Eric asked.
“I don’t think so. I hate being single, I’m not an open guy, I just want someone to love, to love me and just me. It should have been him. I think its because of the movie.” I think out loud.
“What about the movie?” Eric asks.
“Seeing him in a new movie, seeing him talk to his agent, doing deals, buying that house. I can never contribute financially the way he will. My career will never be seen as important. We’ll never live where I want to. I’m not sure if I want to be Mr Sandy Green.” I finally admit the truth.
“You should have given him the option. For all you know he’d pack it back in for you. He’d probably work around you, live where you need to live. You would have made those decisions together.” Eric said.
“No, Alexander can be controlling when he wants to be. He doesn’t compromise often. Not for big stuff.” I exhale.
“But now you’ll never know. You projected so much stuff last time round and I think you’ve done it again. Played everything out in your head without talking to him at all. He’s a good guy, he loves you. It might have just been a college relationship, it might have been forever.” Eric said.
“Not any more. Shit. I’ve lost him.” I begin to cry.
When I get back to the suite Peter is there watching a movie. I join him and we sit together comfortably not talking.
When it ends we undress each other and without saying anything we kiss, exploring each others bodies, I nip at his neck, suck on his nipples, run my tongue up his thigh, lap at his balls. He returns the favor, kissing my neck, licking my chest and stomach, running his hands everywhere. I shift around so we can sixty nine, side by side we take each other in our mouths sucking on each others head, bobbing on the shaft, licking touching, enjoying every touch. We have a fantastically long session, it feels so good. He tastes fabulous when he finally shoots his load just after I give him mine.
I move round, kiss him briefly then leave his bed for my own. Still saying nothing.
I sleep well.
In the last couple of days before class I hang out at the house checking up on the early progress. I take the car out to look at furniture places to get an idea of what I need. I want a really big bed for my room. Sturdy, plain furnishings for the others.
Peter and I continue to work out together and get each other off at night. I always go back to my bed. I don’t think I have feelings for him, its easy, safe and I know it has to change.
Classes start well, I organize new study groups and tried to make more of an effort with widening my social circle, accepting coffee and lunch invitations with people in my classes.
Friday morning I have Shakespeare class. I look up and realize I know the professor. He was the first on set tutors I had after Mom. My tutors had been post-grad students, usually math or science but this one had been studying english. He took me through several of Shakespeare’s tragedies. It had been great therapy, we’d kept in touch for a while after too. He was the reason I’d chosen this class and I guess the reason I got in as entry was by essay and i’d done mine based on some of the work we’d done years ago.
The class was interesting I was excited. It made a change from my math and physics courses.
As I left the class the professor grabbed my arm. I waited for the rest of the class to leave.
“I thought it was you” I said excitedly.
“Sandy its great to see you. I knew one essay felt familiar.” Professor replied.
“It’s Alexander in college. Sorry for not being more original in my essay.” I said.
“Please, your writing has matured and it was as well thought out as most the upperclassmen, you may have noticed you’re the youngest in the class.”
“I didn’t notice, we’re all close in age anyway.” I said.
“Do you have a class this afternoon at 2?” Prof asked.
“No, friday is my light day.” I replied puzzled.
“I teach a seminar, you should be in it too, I can sort the paperwork.”
“I don’t know, I have a tough schedule as it is.” I replied negatively but I was very interested.
“The only work outside class is reading, and you’ve read most the plays, actually if I know you you’ll have read them all. The class is graded on participation and discussion, no essays, no exams. I think you;d do well.” Prof made his case.
“Okay. I’ll give it a try.” I said.
“Hows your Dad doing? I often thought of you two. That was the craziest time, strangest job I ever had.”
“Thanks” I say sarcastically.
“Oh not you, you were a joy to teach. It was the only job where I was offered bribes every day for information, they wanted to know everything, what you ate, what you said. If you ever talked of your Mom. The way I got hounded was crazy. For you and your Dad it must have been insane, frightening.” He explained.
“It was crazy. Its why I changed my name in High school, I’ve been lucky I’ve been able to have a fairly normal life since then. I lost Dad, it’ll be 2 years this summer. Its been hard but I’m here and doing really well. I love school.” I said.
“I’m sorry about your father, I liked him very much. I’m glad you’re having a normal life now. I saw your movie last week, it was good.” prof said.
“I’m glad you enjoyed it, but how did you know it was me?” I asked.
“The reviews all identified Sasha Jade as Sandy Green. I only worked out which one was you from the credits, don’t worry you were not at all recognizable.” He reassured me.
“It was my first film in a long while, it was fun. I might do some more.” I said.
“Well then I expect to see you in more English classes then.”
I laughed and said I’d see him in class.
At the weekend I went to the house to check on the progress, worked out and studied. I hung out with Eric which was good, he had turned into the friend I thought I had in Blondie. He wasn’t going to have much free time as he had been cast in the musical and would have a fair amount of rehearsal time.
On sunday I invited Emma and Jamie to brunch. Jamie drove us to a nice place. I was planning to tell them about me, given they were my only friends who didn’t know and I figured they’d take it better than the others.
“So” I began “I bought a house near campus for next year, it has a garage apartment, I wondered if you two might like to live there.”
“Wow, that’s really cool. But um I’m planning to be an RA and we have talked about living together but decided its too soon. We both like time apart and with our separate friends.” said Jamie.
“How did you afford a house?” Asked Emma.
I took a deep breath.
“I did a lot of acting work as a child and have built up quite a large trust fund, which I have full access to as my parents are dead.” I said.
“I told you.” said Emma nudging Jamie.
“Told him what?” I asked.
“You’re really Sandy Green. We saw one of your old movies over break on TV and there was just something familiar. I said it was you, Jamie was unsure.” said Emma in a rush.
“Why didn’t you say you knew?” I asked.
“It was your secret to keep. We would never have told anyone. Do the others know?” Asked Jamie.
“Yes. I’m sorry not to tell you before. Peter and Jay guessed after watching a film and I told Eric and Blondie just before break, I’d have told you at the same time but you’d already left for break. I hope you understand I was just trying to keep my privacy while in college.” I said.
“Of course, we’ll always love you for setting us up in the first place and we understand, you’ve not lied so much as not told us about your past.” Said Jamie as Emma nodded.
“We hoped you’d tell us when you were ready. And you have.” said Emma.
I felt heaps lighter and more secure in my choice of friends.
On tuesday night I’m coming down from the hot Blow Job Peter has just given me, rolling my tongue round my mouth tasting him from the rimming I gave. I look at him.
“This has to stop. We’ll not find new boyfriends if we keep this up. Lets go out this weekend with the others and find some new guys.” I suggest.
“Great idea. I’m not tiring of you at all. I’m having fun but you’re right. We need to find new people, I don’t want to go back to picking up guys at the gym.” Peter grinned.
We grabbed a tablet each and searched for gay nights that take over 18s. There is one quite local on friday. I message the guys with the details. They’re all in.
Harry and Bobbie suggest meeting at their place to pre game. I offer to bring the booze.
Its good to have some fun to look forward to.
On thursday Peter and I went to my house to get the booze. I show him round, taking in the changes that have already happened. I’m really please with how its going.
“I really like it, its a great location not too far from campus and quieter than living in an apartment block full of students. I’d really like to live here with you.” Peter said.
“We’re getting on better than I thought, I’d like it too. But I really need to run it by the others.” I say, a bit worried.
“You are way too nice to those guys, well me too I suppose.” Peter joked.
“Cant blame then, I hid who I was for so long. I think Blondie is still adjusting.” I said.
“Finding out colored how I saw you but I was never unhappy with you keeping quiet, that made complete sense. You had to get to know us to know we were genuine. I don’t see you as different any more, I mean you’re not the only guy here with money, by a long shot. I’m not so badly off myself even if my allowance is moderate and Aaron’s Dad is super loaded. We just happened to fall into a group that was on the poorer side and none of us flashed the cash anyway so you couldn’t really tell.” Peter mused.
“Do you think its the money side that made Blondie so mean?” I asked.
“Yes, he’s got a real entitled streak compared to Felix or Jay or Jamie. He seemed to feel it was his right to have his scholarship cover everything, even having getting local businesses to chip in so he didn’t have to do workstudy. I know you were good buddies but he was sometimes a dick.” Peter said surprising me.
“Do you want to see the apartment?” I asked.
“Yes sure, but I really want to live in the house, I love it. I’ll talk to Eric and Jay tomorrow.” Peter replied.
“Do you think Jay will be there?” I ask.
“Yeah, he’s Eric’s roommate, he’ll know about it.” Peter replied.
“Shall we get dinner off campus and shop for some room stuff?” I ask.
“Cool, can’t wait to see your car.” Peter enthuses.
I show Peter the apartment and I get the car out and grab some booze and load up the trunk.
“Um pleeeeeeease let me drive” Peter begs.
“Sure” I close the trunk and toss him the key.
We head to a nice steak place and have a good meal, we talk about classes and general stuff. It was pretty good. After the money talk it was nice to choose a nicer place without worrying about the other affording it.
Afterwards we headed to the store to get some food and stuff, we unload at the suites and I drive back to the house.
I jog back to campus. When I get in the room Peter is already in bed, I shower quickly and start to get into my own.
“Hey, what you doing?” Peter asks.
“Thought you were asleep.” I reply.
“Get in here, we practically had a date tonight, we should finish it right.” Says Peter.
I laugh and get into his bed. I kiss him and stroke his chest.
“Fuck this is good.” Peter moaned.
“Mmmm” I replied into his mouth.
Peter rolled on top of me and began kissing me with a ferocious passion, I was a little taken aback but responded. I’d been starved of affection over break and these encounters with Peter were making up for it. I felt wanted.
We kissed each other all over, taking turns on the move. I lost myself in the moment, all thoughts went but his body, his mouth, his cock.
He started to take me in his mouth, swallowing all he could, he was jerking off aggressively as he did so, it was amazing.
“Fuck I love this, you look so hot. Your mouth, ahhhh.” I shouted losing control.
He bobbed away, sucking me, servicing himself , licking me, as we both got closer he moved back up to kiss me whilst rubbing our cocks together as we came. It was like we were trying to merge our bodies into one without penetration.
“Oh god, thank-you Peter, thank-you.” I cried.
“Felt good.” He replied kissing me some more and nuzzling my neck.
We kissed a little more then I made to get into my own bed.
“You can stay here.” Peter said.
“I’m sorry, I’m really tired and I have an early start tomorrow. Thanks though.” I replied.
I slept with the biggest smile on my face.
The first couple of weeks in school went by slowly. I hung out with Eric some but he was pretty busy. I tried to reconnect with Blondie but he was off experimenting. His interest in me mostly gone, though he’d leer at me in the bathroom some days and offered sex, it felt kind of sleazy and I couldn’t understand why I’d done what I did at new year. I barely recognized him as the sweet guy from last semester.
Eric told me of the plan to go to a club.
“That sounds good.” I say.
“Alexander and Peter are going.” Eric tells me.
“Peter, why is he included?” I ask.
“He’s Alexanders roommate.” Says Eric.
“What? For real? Shit.” I say confused, sad that I didn’t even know the basics of Alexanders life, I missed him.
“Look I still think you should come, not to drinks at Harrys but meet us at the club, find someone to bring, Blondie or Brian or someone. So you don’t have to go alone.” Eric says.
“Brian? Are you suggesting him for a reason?” I tease.
Eric blushes deep red. He can be so cute.
“I take that, thats a yes?” I tease more.
“Okay, you’re doing me a favor by letting me know about it and including me at all. I’ll call Brian and see if he’ll come. I’ll even find out if he might be interested in you.” I say finally putting Eric at ease.
“Thanks. I always thought he was nice when Blondie was with him. I’d just like to see if we might get on. I’m so nervous to ask if a guy is gay ‘ll never find anyone new to date. I really want to have a boyfriend again.” Eric admits.
“Are you not worried about Blondie if you did become a thing?” I ask.
“No, Blondie isnt a friend. He’s blanked me a few times recently.” Eric shrugs.
“He dosent text me back any more either.” I admit.
“Look I know they’re both your exes but I think Alexander and Peter are good fun, plus they talk to guys so easily, they are our best shot at making new gay friends. I’d like to be back in a group with them, with you too.” Eric says.
“I’ll try and apologize to Alexander on friday if he’ll let me. I’m long over Peter, I’m still curious about why he did what he did but I admit he’s a fun guy.” I say. Its true, Peter hurt me but that relationship was never going to last and it would be nice to have some more friends around again.
I called Brian, he was excited and happy I called and wanted to go. We arranged to meet for dinner before heading out, would be much easier to put in a word for Eric then than over the music in the club.
Things were looking up.
On friday after classes Peter and I got ready together, filled out backpacks with the drinks and headed to Harry and Bobbies. We knocked for Eric on the way and Felix and his exchange student roommate were also there, I’d not spoken to Felix in a long time but he was civil and his roommate Thijs who was from The Netherlands was very funny.
I’d spent some time in Amsterdam when I’d had time off from filming over the summer and we talked about the clubs there and how tonight would likely be very tame in comparison.
“I didn’t know you’d been to Amsterdam.” Said Peter coming over.
“Yeah when I had a few days off I’d get a cheap flight somewhere. Shorter breaks I explored Romania and Hungary. I had a couple of longer gaps where I went to Amsterdam and to Paris.” I said
“I’d love to go.”said Peter.
“Maybe you could come out for a bit in the summer? Have you got plans?” I asked.
“I’m hoping to get the physics internship here. I don’t know if I’ll get much time off and I will need to see my parents some. I was meaning to ask, even if I cant live at your place next semester could I live there this summer if I get the job?” Peter asked.
“Yes of course, it would be good to have someone looking after it. Let me talk to Eric about you being there full time.” I said.
I went up to Eric, he was fussing about seeing Brian, I thought they’d make a cute couple, if Brian was less stressed than last year. Though with Eric soon to be busy with rehearsals they’d probably balance quite well. I was excited for him and hoped it would go his way.
I calmed him down then brought up the possibility of Peter living in the house with us.
“No problem at all, we got on well when things were going well with Aaron and I want to be friends again. I’ve not problem with it.” Eric said.
“Phew. I’d forgotten how well he and I got on before Jaymagedon and the roomapocalipse. I’m glad you’re okay with it.” I said.
After drinking a while we headed out, grabbing a couple of cabs as it was cold and we didnt want our buzz to wear off walking.
We had no trouble getting in, it was boiling inside. Peter and I headed to dance and Bobbie and Harry followed close behind. Eric ran off to find Jay and Brian.
I danced with few breaks for hours, with my friends, with strangers. I had to fend off some older guys but it was easy with Peter, Felix and Thijs to turn too as they had similar issues. Peter has been dancing closely with one guy for a while and looked to be doing well.
Eric and Brian had clearly hit it off and I don’t think they moved from each other all night.
I took a bathroom break and on my way out saw Jay. He looked incredible in skinny jeans and a slashed neck t-shirt. He was flushed from the heat and my longing for him swiftly overtook my feelings of hurt.
I shouted in his ear
“Want to get out of here to talk?”
We walked along in silence in the cold for a few minuted, then I hailed a cab and asked for it to take us to the diner.
Inside we ordered coffee and fries. I decided to swallow my pride, put aside my reservations and win him back. I feel so stupid that such a fleeting relationship is proving impossible to get over. I just cant move on until I’ve had another chance.
“I’m sorry for being a jealous bitch at new years.” I said in a rush “I shouldn’t have expected you to save yourself for me. I was selfish and I’m really, really sorry.”
“I’m sorry too. I expected you to object to me not being in your room, I always expect you to fight for me. I know you couldn’t, I know you were trying to be a good host.” Jay said slowly.
“I put too much pressure on the trip. I’d been lonely that week, busy but lonely. I was ready to be with you and expected you to be ready too. I was really upset when you said you weren’t and then you were with Blondie and I couldn’t handle it. I thought you must hate me. I couldn’t work out what I’d done wrong.” I tried to explain.
“It wasn’t like that. I was caught up in the moment, I wasn’t thinking about you, I’m sorry for that. Can we put it behind us?” Jay asked.
“Please. I just want to be with you Jay.” I said softly.
I got a text from Peter asking where I was. I let him know where we were.
“How about we try your tuesday date idea? Take the pressure off.” I said.
“I’d like that.” Jay replied.
I kissed him gently. We chatted about how school was going and gossiped about Brian and Eric.
Then Peter and the others all arrived, even Felix and Thijs. Jay got up to go to the bathroom as they all piled in to our booth and the one next to us.
“You looked to be doing well, what happened to that guy?” I asked Peter.
“Meh he wasn’t that hot, I figure I’ll get better at home.” he replied.
I must have turned white, I looked round to see if Jay was in earshot. He wasnt back yet and the others were all having their own conversations. I felt relieved, then bad that I’d felt I should hide what Peter and I have been up to. We’ve been enjoying ourselves nothing more.
We walked back to campus as a group, when we got to the dorm I asked jay if he wanted me to come in. He said he’d see me for our date and kissed me goodnight.
I caught up with Peter who grabbed my arm as we walked back to the room.
“Looks like we both struck out” said Peter.
“Maybe, thought you chose not to be with that guy.” I said.
“My choice, his choice, who cares.” Peter laughed and kissed me hard.
I kissed him back and we pulled off each others clothes. I was horny as hell after all the body contact dancing earlier in the night.
“I need your cock tonight, I need you to fucking pound me.” said Peter running his hands all over me.
I looked at him, half unsure, half aroused.
“Come on, its like we’ve had 2 weeks of foreplay, its been good but I need the real deal tonight, please.” Peter continued.
I nodded and went back to kissing him.
“I need it now” Peter urged.
He bent over his desk and spread his cheeks. I was shocked. Very, very turned on.
I quickly grabbed for condoms and lube from my desk and got ready. I lubed his hole and began to slide in a finger as I do.
“No just go with you dick, please.” Peter was begging.
I added a lot more lube and slowly began to push in.
“Oh fuck baby, that’s what I need, I need you.” Peter cried out as I rested inside him.
My first few strokes were slow then I picked the pace right up, grabbing his hips and letting loose.
I grabbed his shoulder for balance and rand my other hand over his back, keeping the pace the best I could.
Peter was being very appreciative. It felt good, so good. It had been way to long.
“Yeah that’s what I need, give me, give me.” Peter is saying over and over.
All I can do is grunt. I need more.
I pull out and turn him over, I need to see him, see his big dick.
As I re-enter Peter stares into my eyes, I lean in for a kiss.
I stand back, holding his legs and continue to pound away. Peter continues to verbalize all his wants, its so hot.
He’s stroking himself and sounds to be very close, I pull out and join him , coming over his chest as he does the same. We’re both so pent up its like we’re shooting off fireworks, for once my load matches his. We giggle whilst still panting.
I pick him up and dump him on his bed and kiss him long and hard.
He moves us so we’re face to face and kisses me very gently.
“I don’t want benefits, I want more, I want to be your boyfriend.” Peter says completely taking me by surprise.
After that its very hard, very hard to be turning him down.
“If you’d asked me yesterday I’d probably have said yes. But I can’t, ‘m so, so sorry I can’t. I need to try properly with Jay. I can’t be with anyone else until I’ve given my all with him. I’m sorry. This was great, so great.” I say, ashamed, embarrassed, confused.
“Don’t come crying to me when he lets you down again.” Peter says coldly.
He gets up grabs a towel and heads to the bathroom.
I wipe myself off and get into bed.
I keep clear of the room in the gym and library. When I get back to the room in the evening I’m sexiled.
I sleep in my clothes on the sofa in the lounge, when I wake my blanket is on me.
Sunday is more of the same. I get into the room while Peter is sleeping to get fresh clothes and head on to the library again.
I contemplate sleeping at the house but decide the sofa is more comfortable than the floor.
I’m cranky in classes on monday and decide I’ll be sleeping in my bed whatever Peter is up to tonight.
I go to the room after study group and its empty so I finish up my study and enjoy a good sleep.
After classes on tueday I shower then head out to meet Jay at an Italian place just off campus.
Jay is already seated, I kiss his cheek then sit to join him. He looks worried.
“Have you been having sex with Peter?” Jay asks quietly, shocking me.
I look at him, scared. I nod my head.
“Roommates with benefits, nothing more. How did you find out?” I say, almost a whisper.
“Felix heard you friday night. After how Peter treated me. I thought you were better than that. I can’t get past it. I’m sorry I just can’t” Jay says firmly.
I give up. I’m never going to be good enough for him. However much I apologize and compromise it’ll never be enough. I turn to ice.
“Jay that’s it. No more chances. No more. I cannot do this with you again. You know how hurt Ive been but I’ve forgiven you. Even when all my friends tell me you’ll hurt me, you’re no good for me. I keep coming back because I love you and think we can be something special. If you are really saying no tonight then the door is closed for good.” I say. Ice cold.
I want to beg and plead but I can’t. I’m losing it, I’ve pushed through so much hurt that I just can’t take one more thing. I can’t believe the guy I love so much, who I’m sure loves me wants to kick me this hard. I can not let myself feel. I’m done.