The morning of the party Eric and I knock for Robbie and Dan. I drive us to the store. I give Robbie the money for drinks and Eric and I shop for food and supplies.
“You looking forward to seeing Bobbie tonight?” I ask.
“Yes and Harry. I thought once Bobbie turned me down I wouldn’t see him any more but when we all met up this summer it was great. Harry wasn’t off with me. Those 2 are stronger together than I thought. They like including me and I’m good with that.“ Eric explains.
“You sure?” I ask.
“Yeah. I know I’ll not have as much free time now I’m on the Bfa track and a boyfriend might be tricky right now. I saw how Jay and Ben were last year and I wouldn’t want someone waiting on my the call the way Jay was with Ben.” Eric says.
“What do you make of Mike?” I ask.
“So far he’s been nothing but rude to me. The whole Blair thing or maybe me creating work for Jay this summer.. I think Jay just goes for shitty guys, no offense. Maybe he makes them shitty,you and Peter have been much better without him.” Eric says.
“Maybe. Have you spoken to Jay about Blair?” I ask.
“Yes. He understands and we’re fine.” Eric says.
We head to the checkout and meet the guys at the car.
At the house I make lunch. Peter is up at school again so is Brian. Jay comes in as Eric heads upstairs.
“Jay I hate not being friends with you. I liked how close we became this summer and I don’t want to lose that.” I say.
“I hate it too. Give me some space and I’m sure we’ll be fine.” Jay says.
“I know that when ever we say it things implode but those tuesday dates. We really should try them. I finish at 2 on a tuesday, we could find an activity to do together, less pressure.” I suggest.
“I finish early on tuesdays too. Lets have a think on activities. You’r4e not totally forgiven yet, I need to stew a bit longer.” Jay says.
“Okay. What time are people arriving?” I ask.
“8ish I think. Mike will be here by 6. He’s staying the weekend, his classes started already. He’ll be here most weekends.” Jay says.
“And that’s okay with Brian?” I ask.
“Yes. Brian is happy for me and he’ll use Peters room anyway.” Jay says.
“You need to ask Peter every time.” I say.
“Why?” Jay asks.
“He could have plans, visitors, a date.” I say.
“Are you open again?” Jay asks.
“We will be sometimes yes.” I say.
“I’ll be sure to ask. I might go to Mikes sometimes too, its just easier for him to come here as he has a car and my bed is better.” Jay says.
“I’d like to try and get to know him if he’s going to be in your life.” I say.
“Make sure you chat tonight. But nothing else, he is off limits.” Jay says.
I smile and head upstairs to nap before the late night.
I can’t sleep, in the bathroom I take a picture of my torso, I’m looking good with a tan. I upload it to a hookup app and create a profile. Maybe I can find someone to invite tonight. Given its clear Jay will be with mike, Eric with Harry and Bobbie, Brian will be with Blondie and his friend which leaves Felix which is never going to happen.
I arrange to meet 3 different guys at the diner near school. I’m scared and exhilarated and pretty certain I’m doing the wrong thing, that Peter will be unhappy but fuck it he wants to be open, he want me to be open tonight so I damn well will be.
Just as I’m checking my appearance before heading out Peter arrives back.
“Where you going?” Peter asks.
“To meet my date.” I say as casually as I can.
“Date?” Peter asks.
“For the party.” I say.
“Were you going to tell me?” Peter asks.
“Whats to tell? You want me to be open tonight, you have a date.” I say and head downstairs before he can reply.
The diner is pretty quiet. Most freshmen will arrive tomorrow, classes start on wednesday. I sit in a booth and order coffee and a fruit plate. I scroll through the guys pics again. They’re all kind of cute, not the fittest guys but that’s good with me. I’m only looking for someone for tonight not long term.
I’ve arranged to meet them all at hour intervals, not entirely sure what I’ll do if I like the first one or 2. Give them the party details I guess.
The first guy doesn’t show. He’s offline on the app, Maybe he got a better offer or didn’t like what he saw. The second and third guys arrive together, they clearly know each other. Uh, oh. I wave them over.
“Hey.” I say and laugh as they sit down.
“We’re each others emergency call and realized we were both meeting you. We figured might as well come check you out together.” Marc the taller of the two says.
“I’m not usually some kind of sleaze. I’m having a party tonight, I need a date.” I say holding my hands up.
“Hey we were both excited someone hot messaged us,we both thought you’d be a fake. Now we’re both trying to get the other to leave.” Grey the shorter one says and I laugh
They order and we chat. They go to the same school as Mike, Grey dated him briefly, small world.
“This has been fun, you’re both welcome to come to the party if you like.” I say.
“We’d love to.” Marc says.
“Sure. Um, are you Sandy Green? I mean you are right, I saw your interview.” Grey says.
“I go by Alexander at school. Here I’m just a student same as you guys.” I say.
“We can go along with that. You’re so tall and hot people would probably stare any way.” marc says.
I blush and head to the register to pay.
I drive us all to the house and some of the guys are already there. Peter has already left. I feel a bit down about how we left things earlier. I grab a drink and hand beers to Marc and Grey and introduce them to everyone.
“So you two seem pretty close, have you been more than friends?” I ask.
“Nah, we are great as friends but we’re not compatible sexually.” Grey says.
“And we both lust after guys like you, not guys like us, even though guys like you are generally out of our league.” Marcs says.
“You sell yourselves short. Harry over there is with Bobbie who whilst in shape is pretty small. I used to date Jay over there and he wouldn’t know what the inside of a gym looked like. He used to date my boyfriend Peter too who is a total muscle hunk.” I say.
“You have a boyfriend? Shit. Where is he?” Grey asks.
“Yeah, we’re open, he’s out on a date tonight, hence I tried picking up you guys.” I say sheepishly.
“He is crazy.” Marc says.
Jay and Mike come and join us. It gets a bit tense so I make my excuse and go and find another drink. I hear the door and let Felix in. I fix him a drink and introduce him to Grey and Marc, his eyes light up at the new guys.
Finally Blondie arrives with his guy from home, Ray who is not at all what I expected, he’s really hot, tall muscular and he is every kind of in love with Blondie. I wonder where Brian fits in.
We head out to the deck together.
“How was your summer? Did you spend it together?” I ask.
“Yeah, I worked with one of the firms that gives me some scholarship money and Ray worked at the pool and did summer school.” Blondie says.
“And Ray you’re here for the weekend?” I ask.
“Yes, my classes already started back but I had today free and Gary’s roommates are away this weekend so I came up and brought him some of his stuff from home, helping him settle in properly. I’m really glad you’re having a party, Gary told me all about you guys.” Ray says.
“I’m really glad you could make it.” I say.
“Where’s Peter?” Blondie asks.
“On a date.” I say.
“Did you break up?” Blondie asks.
“No, we’re open sometimes, like today.” I say hoping I don’t have to explain any more times tonight.
“Oh.” Says Blondie nodding.
“So Brian invited you, he seemed keen but you two are clearly together.” I say.
“We’re not boyfriends.” Blondie says.
“In the way Jay and I weren’t boyfriends?” I say.
“Its more complicated.” Blondie says and I nod.
“I don’t want to see Brian hurt. I know, I know he hurt you. But he’s over Eric now and doing well and I’d hate to see either of you unhappy.” I say.
“I don’t want Brian to be hurt. I know Gary likes him a whole lot. I love Gary but I’m not man enough or smart enough to be his boyfriend. He needs someone really smart like Brian.” Ray says.
Blondie pats his knee.
“Come on bitches we’re getting naked in here.” Felix shouts out the door.
We head inside to see whats up. I grab a stack of towels and make sure there are condoms around.
I’m really not up for anything but hope seeing the others in action will get me in the mood.
I grab another drink, I’m feeling light headed already.
I sit on the couch and take my top off so I don’t stand out too much.
Felix is coming on strong to Grey and Marc, Harry, Bobbie and Eric are making out together on the other couch.
Ray and Blondie move over to Brian.
Jay comes and sits with me.
“You and Mike not joining in?” I ask.
“Mike is.” jay says motioning with his drink.
Mike has joined Felix, Marc and Grey.
“You okay with him kissing his ex?” I ask.
“What?” Jay asks.
“He used to date Grey, I thought that was why it was so awkward before.” I say.
“It was awkward because we used to date and you don’t like Mike and your boyfriend isn’t here.” Jay says.
“I’m sorry. I know I said I’d try tonight. I just don’t like him. That’s your fault, I formed my opinion from how you spoke about him, he treated you like dirt and he’s not exactly been nice to me or Eric since you started bringing him over.” I say.
“I know. He was a dick but he’s made up for it. I really like him.” Jay says.
“Then you best go claim him before Felix does.” I say.
I watch everyone for a few minutes, no one calls me over and I make no move to try and get anything going.
I grab a bunch of beers and head back outside. I drink and obsessively check my phone for news from Peter but of course there is nothing. I take down my app profile, delete the picture, total waste of time. I drink and drink some more.
I head inside to piss, stumbling over my friends writhing bodies.
I stand in the doorway after relieving myself. It’s an incredibly hot scene. Blondie is fucking Brian while Ray jerks off against them, his eyes rolled back in his head in bliss. Felix, Marc and Grey are one big tangle and Jay, Harry and Mike are getting it on which is a surprise. I almost trip over Eric and Bobbie which is of course typical. No one sees me.
I grab a bottle of vodka and sit outside feeling sorrier for myself than I have in ages. No one here wants me, Peter doesn’t want me I’m pathetic.
I’m very, very drunk. I text Peter over and over and drink more and more.
Blondie comes out for some air.
“Why you out here alone?” He asks.
“No other options. How do you do it? You have 2 guys crazy for you here and no one wants me.” I say pitifully.
“I’ll lend you Ray, he give terrific head. Took a lot of training but he’s great now.” Blondie says.
“No thanks. I don’t need some pity suck.” I say.
“He would love it.” Blondie says.
I shake my head, he shrugs and heads indoors.
Later Jay comes out and sits down and takes my bottle from me, drinks then spits it out. He’s pretty wasted without it.
He puts his arms round me and kisses my neck.
I push him off.
“Come on we always have fun at parties.” Jay says.
“You’re boyfriend is inside, and you, you, you, you Jay, Jay, Jay my lover are off limits.” I slur.
“Mike says its okay, I can be with you if he can be with Grey. Come on I miss you, it’s ex sex time.” Jay says kissing me more.
“Then go and fuck Felix.” I say.
“You don’t want me?” Jay asks, rubbing my back and nuzzling against me looking cute.
“Of course I want you. I always want you.” I say.
“Then come inside, we can go to your room if you want.” Jay says.
I shake my head.
“I’m sorry I promised Peter I wouldn’t. Go back to the party.” I say.
I drag myself up to my room and take a long cold shower, I sit down under the spray and cry and cry. I’ve no idea how long I stay like that. Peter comes in and shuts off the water, I sit there shivering making no attempt to get out.
Peter grabs a big towel and wraps me up, carries me to bed.
“I’m meant to look after you. Are you okay?” I say.
“I’m fine, a bit sore, I’ll feel it tomorrow but I’m fine. You are clearly not.” Peter says.
I shrug,stumble back out of bed to the bathroom to get the first aid kit.
“Let me see.” I say, swaying.
Peter looks ready to argue then slowly pulls off his shirt and winces as he takes off his shorts and underwear. He has a lot of red welts on his lower back and upper thighs that look really painful. The sight sobers me quickly and I clean him up the best I can.
“You’ll need to sleep on your front.” I say.
He nods. I help him lie down and get in beside him, and put my arm around his shoulders.
“Tell me about your night pumpkin. How was your date?” Peter says.
“I picked up 2 guys, they fucked everyone but me and I spent my night getting drunk on the deck. I missed you. I don’t like parties without you.” I say.
“I am glad you missed me. Now maybe you won’t run off when we fight.” Peter says.
“I won’t. I’m so sorry baby.” I say sniffing.
“I know, I love you.” Peter says.
“Love you too.” I say and I kiss his bruised mouth.