I was calm as could be driving to my temporary home. I was free and I was okay with that.
Finally completely free from Jay, even our chemistry had dulled I no longer had that thrill when kissing him, when touching him.
I was not free from Peter, that was going to take time and I expected more than one relapse. I loved him, probably more than ever. But he needed to change he needed to remember my needs and listen to my feelings.
I grabbed my bag and checked in. I had a nice one bedroom with a small kitchen area and a spa tub. I filled the tub, stripped off and got in and enjoyed the massage effect for a long time, letting all my tension leave my body. Wow that felt good.
I wrapped myself in a towel and called Eric.
“Hey Eric, its alexander.” I began.
“You really did it. The guys are upset, Peter is totally heartbroken and Jay is ranting loudly to everyone.” Eric says.
“I’m sorry to make things difficult and leave. \” I say.
“We’re all behind you. You did the right thing, I’m excited to have my friend back.” Eric says.
“Thanks. It was so hard but I was drowning. Ask Brian to keep an eye on Peter.” I ask.
“Here’s Brian now.” Eric says passing the phone to Brian.
“Hey Alexander, are you okay?” Brian asks.
“I’m fine, I really am. Thanks for giving us space this weekend.” I say.
“No problem I had an amazing time. Look can we have lunch tomorrow, Jamie too.” Brian says.
“Sure I’d really like that.” I say.
“See you tomorrow then. Take care.” Brian hangs up.
I feel happy that I’ve not lost my friends this time. I feel in control of this breakup. I’m in control of my feelings and actions for once. I’ve been adrift ever since that damn tv interview. I’ve been a pathetic doormat. Of course Peter wouldn’t be attracted to a man like that.
I sleep really well, totally exhausted from the weekend.
After my math class the next day one of the girls I studied with last semester approaches me.
“Hey Alexander.” Mary says.
“Hows it going Mary?” I ask.
“Good but I really miss having your study group, a few of us have started getting together again for review sessions. This class is so fast. We’re meeting today at 4, math library, please come.” Mary says.
“Sure, I’ve missed it too. I’m sorry I’ve been a egotistical dick, expecting everyone to sell me out. I should have trusted you guys you were a massive help to me last semester.” I say.
“It’s okay. None of us give a fuck about who you are, we just need your brain.” Mary says.
We laugh and I head off to meet Jamie and Brian.
We sit at a picnic table near a drinks stand. I buy us all smoothies, its much cooler today but we’re a hardy bunch.
“Thanks for coming guys.” I say.
“Are you kidding we are team A all the way.” Says Brian.
“Yup we are the A team.” Jamie says laughing.
“Ahh you don’t need to pick sides. I know you two are close to Peter. I’d hate him to lose friends.” I say.
“Yeah we won’t leave Peter in the cold don’t worry.” says Jamie.
“We just want to make sure you’re okay. You’ll be gone 2 weeks?” Brian asks.
“Yeah, I’ll be around some to do laundry and get clothes and stuff. Can you guys cover my food day? I feel shit asking, I can order something to be delivered if you cover lunches.” I say.
“We can cover lunches and dinner don’t go spending on us.” Brian says.
“Though Jay had a bit of a shock at the actual cost of the split food bill yesterday.” Jamie says.
“Yeah, we knew you were subsidising a bit. Believe me we appreciate it. I know you do it because you’re fussy but you don’t have to. I have a good allowance, Jamie is working, Peter is working, Eric is making tonnes of cash.” Brian says.
“Eric isn’t in on it anyway, only breakfast stuff.” I say.
“Puh leaze you always make sure Eric has food too. We’re not charity cases and your money won’t last forever.” Jamie says.
“I always wanted to make sure you weren’t worse off than living in dorms.” I say contrite.
“We’re not. I don’t know if we’ll manage all winter on our bikes but honestly we are all saving money and not eating shitty cafeteria food. Look at us, we’re looking good.” Jamie says.
“My Dad has offered me a car.” Brian says.
“Really? Cool. I kind of regretted selling mine when it was wet this morning.” Jamie says.
“Dan and Robbie are leaving, so there will be space in the garage.” I say.
“Oh that sucks, I like those guys.” Brian says.
“Hollywood beckons.” I say.
“Cool, man I have so many names to drop now. Knowing you really helps getting the girls.” Jamie says grinning.
“Glad I’m useful. Have you birthday plans yet? We need your 21st as out booze buyers are leaving.” I say.
“I’d like a nice dinner at home followed by board games to be honest. Not a wild party, maybe drinking some nice whiskey and port and other stuff I’ve no idea if I like.” Jamie says.
“Sounds great. Let us know what day you want to do it. Do you have the games?” I ask.
“No, is it cheeky to ask for them for gifts?” Jamie asks.
“No that makes things easy for us. Send out a wishlist. Sounds really fun. Um can Blondie come?” Brian asks.
“Of course I’ll invite Blondie, duh. I’ll send out a list then you can get them ordered in time. Thanks guys.” Jamie says.
“Let me know numbers and what sort of food you want. We’ll get it catered to reduce stress.” I say.
“Wow that sounds expensive.” Jamie says.
“Rubbish, at least it’ll taste good and save us all hours in the kitchen. Unless there was something you wanted to cook?” I ask.
“Are you kidding? I’ll accept it in good grace, honestly. Felix wants to bake a cake, is it okay that he uses our kitchen?” Jamie asks.
“Of course it is. Shit there are things you don’t need to ask. Seriously it’s your damn home too and Felix is always welcome.” I say a bit annoyed.
“Yeah I know and I feel it most the time. I guess Jay going off on one about the car thing and your room and stuff has nestled in my head a bit.” Jamie says.
“Jay is a dick.” I say.
“Jay IS a dick.” Brian shouts.
We all head off to class. I feel good and lucky to have such great friends.
I’m a little lonely that evening after study group but I have work to do and I don’t feel rejected so it isn’t so bad.
At tutoring on Tuesday Paul looks even hotter than before. He’s really caught up and everything is coming easy to him now.
“I don’t think you need me anymore. Here’s my number if you ever need some more help.” I say.
“Thanks I’ve really enjoyed this, you’ve been great. Are you okay? You look bit down today.” Paul says.
“Big break up at the weekend, my choice but still hurts. I’ve really enjoyed working with you. I really like you.” I say, holding Pauls gaze.
“I really like you too. A lot. I’m sorry your hurting but not that that you’re single.” Paul says.
I’m surprised he’s being so open. I hoped he was into men but didn’t expect him to admit it to me.
“Want to hook up tonight? Now?” I ask boldly.
“Yes. I just have to do something first, meet outside my dorm in an hour? Don’t worry I have a single, and a decent bed.” Paul says.
“In an hour sounds great.” I say.
I head over to the student gym and have a quick run before taking a shower and getting ready. I walk over to the dorm Paul mentioned.
He’s there waiting and greets me with a kiss. Again I’m surprised he’s so open.
“Are you not worried about being seen?” I ask.
“No, are you?” Paul asks.
“No everyone knows I’m gay. I thought it was a bit taboo on your team, I know another player who keeps it quiet.” I say.
“The team know I’m bi. They’re used to me having girlfriends and boyfriends. Not at the same time.” Paul says grinning.
“And it’s not an issue?” I ask.
“No, not with the team here, oh one or two can be douches but mostly it’s okay.” Paul says.
“Cool.” I say and kiss him gently.
He leads me in to his room, we pass loads of facilities on the way.
“This isn’t a dorm it’s a freaking resort.” I say.
“Yeah, athlete dorms are really amazing. We are really lucky.” Paul says.
His room is much bigger than the one Peter and I shared, he has a king sized bed, a weight rack and bench, a massive desk, shelving. It’s really great.
“A great way to impress lovers.” I say.
He grins, steps forward and kisses me. I love his mouth, I love that I have to tilt my head up to him. I don’t think I’ve been with anyone taller than me before. I rub his amazing arms, trying to commit every muscle to memory. I pull off his top.
“You’re amazing. Wow.” I say.
He is so cut, his torso is just beautiful, his skin is so perfect and his nipples are huge, bigger than Jays.
“We are going to have so much fun.” I say as I bend my head and start kissing and licking him.
He pulls my top off.
“You’re fucking hot yourself.” Paul says.
We move to his bed and my hands are all over him. It has been too long since I was with anyone that wasn’t Peter or Jay, too long since I was with anyone. Paul is a great choice to smash my dry patch.
His hand is down the front of my jeans and he’s happy with what he’s found.
“Holy shit.” Paul says unbuttoning my jeans and pulling them off. I do the same to him, he’s wearing baggy boxers. They look kind of cute, not for long I tug them straight off.
He’s got a nice 6 incher, thick, great head, but I’m more concerned with his ass, high and round each cheek is sheer perfection. I run my hands over each globe nad squeeze hard.
“I’d love to get in here.” I say squeezing again.
“Oh yeah, that is what I want to hear.” Paul grins running his hand down my shaft, teasing me.
“Really?” I ask.
“Yeah, everyone expects me to be this big hard top because I’m so big but I’m not. I mean I do sometimes but its not my preference.” Paul says.
“That is so fucking hot.” I say and push him back on the bed.
The next two hours are a dream, he is amazing. I last way longer than I expected the first time, given it’s been so long. I was well rewarded.
We lie back looking at each other laughing.
“Thank-you. That was so much fun, you are awesome.” I say.
“You too, it’s great to be with someone who is in great shape, you match my stamina. We should do it again some time.” Paul says.
“Absolutely. I best go I have an early class. Call me.” I say.
“I will do that Alexander.” Paul says as I head out the door.
I am dog tired as I drive back. I’m so happy tonight happened. Real no strings great sex.
I do still miss Peter, I miss him horribly but I am happy to move forward and I know that I can go on without him.
When we have classes together over the next couple of days Peter and I sit together but don’t talk. We sit close, legs touching. Both wanting to let the other know we’re there.
On Friday Peter isn’t in lab. It worries me. At the end of the class I email him the work I’ve done and the reading and ask if he’s okay.
He replies straight away.
“Had to go and see my parents, sorry to miss class, thanks for the work.
I love you
“Give my love to your parents.
Call me ANY time if you need to talk.
I do love you.
I’m worried about him. I hope he makes up with his Dad properly and his Dad drops the Aaron thing.
I meet up with Jamie and Brian after class to talk about Jamie’s party.
“Shall we head home?” I say.
“That would be easiest. Are you sure?” Brian says.
“Yeah its fine Peter is away and I need to get some stuff.” I say.
“Meet you there, we’re on our bikes.” Jamie says.
I walk in to the kitchen and Jay is there. I’m surprised to see him, I thought he’d have gone with Peter.
“Hey.” I say.
“Are you moving back early?” Jay asks.
“No, I need some stuff and we’re planning Jamie’s party.” I say.
“Good. I’ve not moved out your room yet.” Jay says.
“I’ll help you tonight.” I say coldly.
“Whats the rush?” Jay says.
“I designed that room for me, to be my haven and I hate to think of you there. I’m going to redecorate this weekend and I need you out so it can be done and the smell gone when I move back.” I say.
“You’re mad. And what about Peter’s stuff?” Jay asks.
“He’s already moved out.” I say, I don’t know that for sure but I know Peter well enough to think he would do what I asked straight away.
Jay just scowls.
“Will you stay and help us plan?” I ask.
“I guess.” Jay says without enthusiasm.
“If you’re on a downer fuck off.” I say.
“Fuck you Alexander. I didn’t do anything to you.” Jay says and stomps upstairs.
Jamie and Brian are back and Eric joins us as he hasn’t got work until late.
“No rehearsal or extra class tonight?” I ask Eric.
“No, I start work at 9 so I’ve time now. I bought dinner too.” Eric says and unpacks some takeout.
“Thanks, what do I owe you?” I ask.
“It’s on me.” Eric says with a grin “I am doing okay.”
“I’m glad. I can’t believe your birthday is this week, I thought we had more time to plan.” I say.
“Yeah we’ve all been a bit slack. I don’t mind. I’m going for a drink with Felix on the day. Then I was thinking of having the party in 2 weeks. I know that’s a bit late but it gives us time to get ready, Eric can have that weekend off and we’ll have time to make it the night I want.” Jamie says.
“I’ve been thinking, there won’t be much time for games after a meal and we’ll be tired if we eat a lot and drink heavy spirits. I was thinking maybe we, uh I mean you have a small dinner on the Friday night, with the drinking and talking it’ll last ages. Everyone sleeps over and we have games on Saturday all day, we put out a brunch buffet to keep it informal, lots of mimosas and bloody marys or whatever. Then in the evening people who are still playing stay up here doing that and we have music in the basement for dancing or whatever for those that just want to party. I know you said no wild party…” I say.
“Wow, is that not a lot more work?” Jamie says.
“Not really, I don’t want to totally hijack your day I just want it to be awesome. This way you get more game time and to celebrate with more people.” I say.
“I love it, you’re not taking over. I was a bit worried about rushing the dinner and fitting everyone in. Okay dinner will just be us guys, Felix and Grey, Annie and her roommates so she’s not the only girl.” Jamie says.
“And Blondie?” Brian asks.
“Yes of course sorry.” Jamie says.
“You’re the only straight one in that group, do you not need to provide straight options for Annies Roommates. Is Annie your girlfriend?” I ask.
“Not girlfriend yet but it’s looking good. I’m tired of playing the field already. There will be straight guys on Saturday, if the girls want dates at dinner they can bring them,” Jamie says.
“Sounds fair.” I say.
“Okay the games are on order and most should be here this week, some take longer. So A will sort catering and you need to buy booze, we’ll all chip in on that.” Says Brian.
“That was so easy, thanks guys.” Jamie says.
We carry on eating dinner and chatting in general.
I head upstairs to my room. As I expected it is only mine and Jay’s stuff in there. I start to gather up Jay’s clothes and take them down to his room.
“Don’t touch my stuff.” Jay says as I dump it on his bed.
“Then get on with it. I need to pack up mine.” I say and walk out. Done, done, done with him.
I’m only repainting the main room not the dressing room, I move all my things from the bedroom into the dressing room, strip the bed, ugh I need to buy all new linens. I move all the furniture to the middle of the room and take the pictures off the walls.
When I’m happy everything is ready I head downstairs.
“Jamie you’re okay to let the decorators in tomorrow?” I ask.
“Of course. Are you okay staying on your own?” Jamie asks.
“Yeah I’ve had a few weeks to get used to the idea and I’m okay. It’s just easier not being around Jay.” I say.
“Just Jay not Peter?” Jamie asks.
“I’ve already had classes with Peter and we’ll be okay. We’ll be friends again. I don’t see me being friends with Jay, we only ever manage small stints of civility, he is just not worth the drama.” I say.
Over the weekend I shop for bed linens and study. I enjoy the quiet. I message Peter a few times to check he’s okay and he says he is.
I don’t have a new person to tutor on Tuesday so I decide to see if I can find another hookup. I turn on a couple of apps and start looking. I look up at a cute guy from one of my classes who is doing the same thing. We grin. It can’t be that easy.
I approach him.
“Hi it’s Stuart right?” I ask.
“Yeah and you’re Alexander.” He says.
“You’re really cute.” I say.
“So are you, but you have a boyfriend.” Stuart says.
“Had. We broke up.” I say.
“Seriously, after that big public declaration?” Stuart says.
“Yeah that’s just embarrassing now. Ah no, I don’t regret it I loved him like crazy.” I say.
“So you’re on the rebound?” Stuart asks.
“Yes, totally. Why, are you after more?” I ask.
“Kind of. But I always had a bit of a thing for you. Are you free now?” He asks.
“Yeah I’m done for the day.” I say.
“Lets go bowling.” He says.
“Um okay why not. I’ve got my car.” I say.
So we bowl and have dinner and have fun getting to know each other. He’s really sweet and funny and just right for right now.
We go back to my place and exchange head and he stays over. I really enjoy having someone in my bed all night, waking up to him. I drop him at his place in the morning. We meet up at lunch and make out a little. We have dinner together and I go to his place and we have lots of fun, lots more oral pleasure.
I lie in his bed, him on my chest enjoying the moment.
“I like you, you’re really good fun.” I say.
“I like you too. This is so easy. You are a lot less serious than I expected. You often look so grumpy.” Stuart says.
“We are easy.” I say and kiss the top of his head.
I drive to my room early before class. I need to do some study but I’m having too much fun. I like the getting to know you part now I’m not hiding.
Thursday follows Wednesday and in bed that evening we’re snuggled up as the night before.
“Do you ever like it rougher?” Stuart says.
“Oh man I should hook you up with my ex if that’s what you’re after.” I say.
“So that’s a no?” Stuart asks.
“No, I’m glad you’re already comfortable enough to ask but it’s a no.” I say.
“Ahh shame. We’ve been getting on so well.” Stuart says and he leaves.
I’m sad but happy that I’m strong enough to say no and not compromise.