Peter asks me to go over to the apartment to study. I feel bad as he’s done loads on our project and I’ve not been around.
“Did you have fun Friday?” I ask.
“Not so much after you left. I miss you can we hang out this week?” Peter asks.
“When are you working?” I ask.
“Tues, weds, thurs. It’s busy. I guess you’ll have a date Friday?” Peter asks
“Yeah I guess so. What about tomorrow night?” I ask.
“We have study group. We should go to dinner after.” Peter says.
“Okay, and we have now.” I say.
We get on with our work and it’s good. Our project is about done, just a couple of things to re run on
Friday and write up.
“See you tomorrow.” I say.
“Stay.” Peter says.
“I can’t.” I say.
“Just to sleep. Try out the new bed.” Peter says.
“No. Things have moved on with Casey. I don’t want to do anything that would upset him.” I say.
“That’s fast. You really like him that much?” Peter asks.
“I could do.” I say.
“But not yet?” Peter asks.
“It is a bit soon. You’re not easy to get over.” I say
“Thanks. Neither are you. I wish I didn’t have to.” Peter says.
“But you’re okay?” I ask
“Yeah it’s just a bit lonely in here on the weekends.” Peter says.
“Time to move back.” I say.
“Not yet, though Brian is hassling me now everything is in here.” Peter says.
“Want me to talk to him?” I ask.
“No, no. I should move. Come on let’s do it now.” Peter says.
So we pack up Peters things and move him back into his room.
I’m worried about him. He is usually more outgoing than me and it’s sad that he’s staying in so much
I guess he needs some new friends as Eric is working and not around much, Jay and I are his exes and Brian and Jamie are all about their relationships right now.
“Please stay a little while.” Peter says as we finish unpacking.
“Okay.” I say.
I spoon behind him on his bed and he grabs my arms tightly and starts to cry.
“Oh baby is it still this bad?” I ask trying to sooth him.
“I just don’t know how to deal with it. I still can’t believe we’re over. Especially as we’re getting on so
well. Please give me another chance, we’re so good together.” Peter says.
“I’ve got Casey now. You’ll heal and you’ll find someone. Someone who is better for you than me.” I
“I only want you. Always.” Peter says kissing my arm.
“Honey no.” I say calmly my heart is breaking for him. I hate seeing him this upset, that it’s because
of me. Because I can’t stay away but can’t give him what he wants.
I hold him until he starts to fall asleep. Then wriggle loose and go up to my room.
The next day I’m a bit quiet with Casey at lunch. Still thinking about Peter.
“I’m having dinner with Peter tonight. Just as friends.” I say.
“Okay. I really have no problem with you seeing your exes. You’re with me now.” Casey says
“I am.” I say.
I cheer up a bit and relax in his company. He’s so confident in his feelings, I like it.
That evening we end up going out as a group after studying. Bit less pressure than dinner alone and
probably healthier for Peter. He seems a bit more cheerful than yesterday so I worry a bit less.
At home it’s quite so we sit together to catch up some more.
“Are you doing better?” I ask.
“Really you don’t need to worry so much. I’ve been going out. I’m talking to guys. Yesterday was just a bad day.” Peter says.
The weeks pass quickly leading up to Thanksgiving. Peter is looking loads better, fitter, happier. We don’t see each other much outside of class other than to study.
I see Casey for lunch a couple of days a week, we one or two dates midweek and usually spend the weekend together other than when he’s at work. It’s good. It’s not really super serious. I like him a lot but haven’t totally fallen for him. The sex is great, so fun, he’s super cute, so small I can throw him anywhere which we both love. We don’t spend much time around my friends. Partly as I don’t want to be hurtful to Peter and Jay and partly as we’re still getting to know each other.
Casey goes home for the Thanksgiving weekend. I don’t even ask to go with him. I’m certainly not ready for meet the parents.
For the day I go to Abigail’s I take pie and she’s made dinner. We have a great day remembering my parents and Jane. She comes up with stories about when I was younger and some about my Dad. I’m so glad she reached out to me.
I’m missing Casey when I get home but Eric and Jay are around to keep me company.
“Finally you want to spend time with us.” Jay jokes.
“Sorry I know I’ve been that guy a bit recently.” I say.
“Yup we are totally ditched for the new guy.” Eric asks.
“We’ll all be in LA together soon, you’ll be utterly sick of spending time with me.” I say.
“Totally.” Eric laughs.
“How about you Jay, anyone on the horizon?” I ask, I know he’s not brought anyone back recently.
“No. I meet guys at Erics club all the time but they’re not potential boyfriends. I guess I’m still on a break from guys. Maybe I’ll find a hot actor in LA.” Jay says.
“Not if I find them first.” Eric says.
“You’ve been seeing an awful lot of Harry.” I say.
“Yeah. I’m pretty much his bit on the side right now. I’d let it bother me if I had the time for a boyfriend but I don’t.” Eric says.
“What happened with you and Bobbie? And are the 2 of them okay?” Jay asks.
“Bobbie and I kind of fizzled out recently. The two of them are pretty shaky to be fair. Harry has
asked more than once for us to try.” Eric says.
“And you want him to break up with Bobbie if it’s over and not break up with him to be with you?” I ask.
“Yeah, I don’t want to be to blame, even if I am.” Eric says.
“And you are all loved up.” Jay says
“It’s okay. I don’t know, we feel a bit stuck at dating and not moving forward. I don’t want it to move
forward.” I say.
“You think he’ll leave if you don’t progress a bit?” Eric asks.
“No. I think he’s really into me and I’m kind of taking advantage of that.” I admit.
“Kind of like us first time round.” Jay says.
“Not really, I was in to you just as much as you were into me, you just perceived it differently, we’ve talked about it a million times. I mean we were together a month and because we were roommates we lived together by default. But even if we hadn’t been roommates, would we have spent a night apart? I’ve been with Casey longer and we still only spend 2 nights a week together.” I say.
“I feel like we spent more time together than I have in any other relationship. It’s still weird to think
it was so short, given we’re still not over it.” Jay says
“You two will never have successful relationships until you’ve given things a proper go.” Eric says.
“We know. But we kind of missed our chance. We have to let it go.” I say.
“You should end it with Casey anyway.” Erie says.
“lt might get better. Anyway I don’t want to go back to hook-ups. I like having a boyfriend. I don’t have to live with every guy I have a relationship with.” I say
“But you’re not being fair on him. You are never going to be in love with him.” Eric says.
“I might, I’m just being more cautious. He’s a great guy.” I say.
“Is he a great guy for you though? I mean you don’t have major chemistry He’s obviously not that keen on your friends. He doesn’t like to party Just because he’s cute and smart doesn’t mean he’s right for you ” Jay says.
“He’s good friends with Jamie, not everyone is going to like you two idiots. We work out together. We both like movies, maybe not the same ones but we take turns. We have good sex, I can’t expect to have what I had with you or Peter with every guy and that would be exhausting.” I say.
“Sounds boring.” Eric says.
“Boring to you, stable to me. You two might not want it for yourselves but it is what I want.” I say.
“I want you to be happy.” Jay says.
“Thanks. I am happy.” I say.
“Bull. If Peter or Jay got into your bed tonight what would happen?” Eric asks.
“Nothing” I say.
“Yeah, nothing, you wouldn’t ask them to leave, you’d hold them all night and forget Casey exists.” Eric says accurately.
“I wouldn’t do that anymore.” I say.
“Come on Eric, neither of us can talk about relationships right now. Stop picking on Alexander.” Jay says.
“I have to get ready for work. Do think about it Alexander, it’s not fair to hold Casey back from finding the right guy for him.” Eric says leaving for his room.
“What do you think?” I ask Jay.
“I think you’re fine for right now. You’re being honest with Casey? Not promising anything?” Jay asks.
“I’m honest, no declarations of love, no promises of marriage, I’m not you.” I say.
“That was only ever with you. You know that. It’s a Thanksgiving tradition for us to get closer.” Jay says.
“Yeah right. Last thanksgiving you and Peter were getting closer, loudly. I was so disappointed.” I say.
“We’ve grown up a lot in a year. I had a major blip when we tried the trio.” Jay says.
“Yeah. You were a nightmare and I was pathetic. It was pretty ugly.” I say.
“Maybe when you are done with Casey we’ll give it one more try.” Jay says.
“Don’t Jay. You know we’re better as friends.” I say.
“I’m leaving it out there; I am ready when you are.” Jay says and leaves me alone with my thoughts.
The final week of classes goes by and I stick with Casey. Despite Eric’s reservations I am happy with him. I like being in a relationship that doesn’t have the big swings of ecstasy and despair. I love the way we talk together and I never worry whether I’m enough for him, I know I am and that feels good.
What I don’t like are the nights alone. To cope after studying I work out until I drop so I don’t take long to get to sleep. But I don’t often ask Casey to stay over more.
On Friday I go for a run after school before meeting Casey at my place. I leave him chilling in my room while I shower. I’m utterly frozen but feeling really energized.
When I come out of the bathroom he’s naked on the bed looking ten kinds of cute. We roll around making out and for once he is really pushing to get going.
“I need to ride your big dick.” Casey grins.
“Already?” I ask.
“I got ready when I was waiting. I want you now.” Casey says.
He’s being a lot louder and more demanding than usual. I let go of my confusion and enjoy the
He’s bucking away on me being as loud as can be. He is never this loud in bed. Ever.
Then he calls me Sandy. None of my friends ever call me Sandy, the only people who do in my life
are Prof and Abigail and that’s because they knew me as Sandy.
I realise Casey keeps looking over to my shelf. I put my arms under him and lift him off, throwing him
to the side and go over to where he was looking. I’m terrified.
My worst fears are confirmed it’s a camera recording us. I switch it off and pull out the memory
“SERIOUSLY” I shout.
Casey looks at me, he’s scared, knows I’ve caught him.
“WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS? IS THIS THE ONLY CAMERA? HAVE YOU DONE THIS BEFORE?” I am screaming at him, totally out of control.
Casey doesn’t say anything, just shakes his head.
“GET OUT, GET OUT.” I start shouting over and over.
Peter comes bursting in.
“What’s happening? Are you okay?” Peter asks.
“He was filming us.” I say waving the camera that’s still in my hand.
Peter turns white and lunges at Casey.
Jay and Jamie burst in.
Peter is thumping Casey, I’m stood frozen.
Jay and Jamie pull Peter off and hold him back.
“Fuck that was a long game you played.” Peter says.
“It wasn’t a game. I love Alexander.” Casey says sniffing away his tears.
“What’s going on?” Asks Jamie.
“Casey was filming us without telling me. He started calling me Sandy so he was definitely planning to sell it.” I say somehow getting the words out calmly.
Jay lets go of Peter and is straight by my side. Peter comes over and takes the camera from me and throws it out the window before snapping the memory card.
“Get dressed I’ll see you out.” Jamie says to Casey.
“I need to explain.” Casey says.
“No you don’t. You will never see or speak to Alexander again. You need to be out of here in 20seconds or I will kill you.” Peter shouts.
Casey and Jamie gather up his clothes and leave the room.
“Well I guess that is over.” I say sitting down on the bed. I’m still nude with a condom hanging off. I
pull it off and bin it, pulling on a t-shirt and shorts.
Jay and Peter envelope me in a tight hug.
“So much for Eric thinking he was boring.” Jay says.
“Can you help me look, in case there were other cameras? Uh can one of you check online to see if he’s already posted anything before?” I say, I feel so foolish. Everything I worried about has come so close to coming true.
Peter and I check my room, bathroom and dressing room and don’t find anything.
Jay hasn’t found anything real online, though a fair number of fake nudes which we all laugh over.
“Did you ever have sex at his place?” Peter asks.
“No he always came here.” I say.
“Do you think he tried it before?” Jay asks.
“No, well I hope not. He was really different today. Loud.” I say.
Jamie comes back in.
“It was an old friend he saw over break who introduced him to someone who offered money for a recording. He wasn’t offering loads. I don’t understand.” Jamie says.
“Maybe he was going to blackmail me.” I say calmly.
“Maybe but it’s really out of character, I thought he really liked you, he talked like he did. I’m sorry I ever invited him here.” Jamie says.
“Not your fault. You were friends and he was a good boyfriend until today.” I say.
“I still feel bad. You’ll be okay?” Jamie asks.
“We’re taking care of him.” Peter says.
Jamie heads off leaving the three of us together.
“You don’t need to babysit.” I say.
“We’re not going anywhere.” Jay says.
“Seriously, thanks for your help but I’m fine. Go enjoy your Friday night.” I say.
“We are sad singles with no plans.” Peter says.
“Is your hand okay?” I ask Peter.
“Yeah, I only got one punch in.” Peter says.
“You shouldn’t have hit him.” I say.
“He deserved it.” Says Jay.
“But he’s half Peter’s size. I’d hate for Peter to get in trouble.” I say.
“It’ll be fine we all witnessed nothing happening.” Jay says.
I hug them both.
“I’m fine. It’s just another dramatic breakup. Give me a few days to wallow and I’ll be back to my old
self and I’ll have more time for you guys, which I’m excited about.” I say and kiss them each on the
“Let us cheer you up.” Peter says.
“No, no, no.” I say but I don’t stop Peter and Jay from kissing my neck.
“We’ll do a good job.” Jay says.
“No, I say sitting back up abruptly. I’m not falling back into the two of you. Have you two been together recently?” I ask a bit confused.
“No.” Jay says.
“We talked about it but decided it was too weird and confusing.” Peter says.
“I love you both. But right now it’s a no. Let’s go and watch a film or something downstairs.” I say.
We make popcorn and dig out some beers and settle in for a night on the sofa. I lean against Peter
and Jay leans against me.
“Why didn’t we do this when we were together?” Jay asks.
“Because we were a disaster and would have fought over who sat where.” I say.
Peter is kissing my ear and I’m loving it. I have one arm round Jay’s chest and I’m holding hands with
Peter with the other. I want to turn and kiss Peter properly but I don’t want a threesome and I don’t
want to offend Jay.
Peter is running his thumb over mine and my toes are curling in happiness.
“Can I join you guys for some of winter break.” Peter asks.
“I’d like that, but you might be bored if we’re all working.” I say.
“I am sure I can amuse myself. We should start thinking about spring break, even if you’re not here next semester. We should all go and do something fun, somewhere hot.” Peter says.
“What do you want to do? Get a beach house somewhere and party all week?” I say a bit uncomfortable with the idea. I don’t want the hassle of a crowded place.
“Yeah, if we have our own pool you can avoid the beach during the day if it’s too crowded for you.” Jay says.
“This you’ve discussed already?” I ask.
“Yup. We’ve been waiting to get you alone but we’ve not both been in when you have. Eric, Jamie, Felix, Harry, Grey, Marc and Barley and Patrick are all in.” Jay says.
“I didn’t know you even talked to Barley. I’ve not seen him in a while.” I say.
“I’ve been to some meetings. Trying to be social, Barley and Patrick are great guys.” Jay says.
“Wait no Bobbie?” I ask.
“That’s over. Have you not noticed Harry sleeping here all week?” Peter says.
“I’ve not seen him at all. Is Bobbie okay?” I ask.
“Bobbie ended it at Harry’s parent’s house over Thanksgiving. How could you not know?” Jay asks.
“Uh you may recall hanging out with me and Eric over thanksgiving weekend and Eric saying they were still together.” I say.
“I thought Eric would have told you. He’s really confused about what to do.” Jay says.
“I’ll make sure to talk to him.” I say my voice rising as I speak as Peter steps up his nibbling. He squeezes my hand and I so turn to kiss him briefly.
“So have you a house picked out for spring break? I guess you need me to pay the deposit or whatever?” I ask.
“We have options. I’ll organize everyone coming round and we can hammer out details and get it booked.” Jay says.
I turn my head to kiss his cheek.
“Thanks Jay.” I say.
Jamie comes out of his room with Felix.
“We just told Alexander about spring break.” Jay says
“You’re in? Miami or somewhere?” Jamie asks.
I nod, snuggling back into Peter a bit more.
“Are you 3 back together?” Felix asks “I thought it was Jay who couldn’t stay single.”
“Hey I’ve been single for weeks and weeks. And no we’re not back together.” Jay says.
“You look it. You look how we thought you would when you got together.” Jamie says.
“What are you two doing in on a Friday night?” I ask.
“Jamie can’t get enough of me.” Felix says grinning.
“I’d be embarrassed but it’s true. We just came out for a break.” Jamie says.
“I still can’t get used to this. Quiet straight Jamie and the bitchy queen.” Peter says
“Who you calling a queen?” Felix says in his highest voice.
“You need to get used to it. I love him, I’m in this long term.” Jamie says quietly.
“Yup he’s mine, for good.” Felix says smiling.
There is something magical about the two of them together now. They’re both more secure and
“Had you really never done anything together before?” Jay asks.
“Nah, we’d seen each other, and walked in on each other, but no touching.” Felix says.
“And you’d never had a crush on a guy before?” Peter asks Jamie.
“No. I still haven’t. I’m not suddenly like oh he’s hot about anyone else. It’s just this guy.” Jamie says.
“Is that because you don’t notice anyone but him? Do girls still catch your eye?” I ask.
“I still think some girls are hot but not often, not when he’s with me.” Jamie says.
“Vomit.” Peter says.
“Please this is payback for all your ‘I miss Alexander, I love Alexander’ all summer.” Jamie says laughing.
“I am happy for you both.” Peter says.
“So what now for you three? Is the battle on to win Alexander back now he’s single?” Felix asks.
“No. We’re all just friends now. And I’ll be in LA soon, I wouldn’t want to do long distance again.” I say.
“You definitely are taking the semester off?” Peter asks.
“I have a meeting this week.” I say.
Peter is still rubbing my thumb with his and all I want is him to take me upstairs.
“Jay for spring break, I’ll go along with whatever. Contact John about the money. I’m going to bed.” I say squeezing Peter’s hand tight.
I kiss all four of my friends’ goodnight. A throwback to how things used to be. Feels right.
When in my room I message Peter to come join me when he can.
”You summoned me.” Peter says in the doorway barely a minute later.
“Want to have a sleepover?” I ask.
Peter is grinning. He comes in and locks the door.
“What happened to wallowing alone?” Peter asks cheerfully.
“You cheered me up.” I say grinning right back. Wow I’ve missed him so much. The early evening drama is forgotten and I couldn’t even tell you what Casey looks like.
“If I knew I could win you back just holding your hand I’d have tried it weeks ago.” Peter says.
I look at him a little confused and worried.
“Don’t worry baby, I’m not expecting anything more than a fun night. Well maybe a fun morning too.” Peter says.
It has been a while. I’ve forgotten just how beautiful Peter is to look at and I cannot stop staring.
“You’re so beautiful.” I say pushing his hair out his eyes. “I’ve missed you calling me baby.”
“I’ve missed you being my baby.” Peter says.