I wake feeling groggy. Peter is still on my chest, arms tightly round me. I kiss the top of his head and he snuggles in more, wrapping his leg around me. I stroke his back and continue to kiss him lightly.
“More kisses.” Peter mumbles and looks up at me sleepily.
I comply with his wishes and kiss him more, just light brushes. He wriggles against me a little and kisses my chest. I run my hand down his back to his ass and just lightly caress his cheeks. He moves my hand round his waist under his and makes me squeeze him tighter.
We cuddle without talking for a good while as we begin to feel more human. I start trying to be more passionate but Peter slows it down.
“Did you have a fun night?” I ask.
“Mmm watching you dancing all sexy and shirtless is always a great time.” Peter says.
“You looked amazing too, I love how you move. Have you much to do today?” I ask.
“No, want to go to a movie or something?” Peter asks.
“I want you.” I say kissing him again.
“Come on let’s go out and have a fun date day.” Peter says.
“That sounds like my line.” I say.
“Yeah, but I can want a romantic day sometimes.” Peter says.
“Sounds good baby.” I say and kiss him lots more.
It’s a nice day, so we decide to head to the arboretum. We have a nice time walking round pretty aimlessly looking at the plants and trees. It’s nice just holding hands and chatting.
We head to a coffee place once we tire of the plants. We sit outside and Peter looks so hot. I remember that wash of guilt and realization I had last night.
“I’m really lucky to have you. Just need you to know that, I know I’ve been a bit hot and cold about us getting back together. I’m really sorry about that. I spent so long concentrating on the bad stuff that I forgot just how amazing you are and how lucky I am that you ever looked my way at all.” I say.
We’re holding hands under the table and Peter squeezes my hand tighter.
“I just need you to feel secure with me, we’re not in this in an unequal way. I think you’re incredible and I can’t believe you want me. I’ve been shit, making you feel like you had to prove something when you’re going through so much. I’m sorry.” I say trying to explain and not getting it right.
“Baby you haven’t made me feel bad. You were right to be wary. I got it so wrong last time and I really hurt you. Right now I’m happy. Really happy. I know we need to take things a bit slowly and I’m finding it hard to do that. When we got together the first time you’d held me off for so long that we knew each other inside out by the time we finally made it official. I know we’ve both changed since we’ve been apart and we need to, I don’t know, reconnect.” Peter says.
“You tell me you love me five times a day, you’re zooming.” I say.
“I said I was finding it hard to go slowly.” Peter laughs.
“You’re right about reconnecting. I know you’re not ready but you probably need to tell me what happened with Aaron at some point. I feel like we’ve got a black hole. Worse than last summer as at least we spoke most days then.” I say.
“I don’t want to revisit the past. We never talked about your past before. I mean I knew some of the basics but only from what I’d read, not from you. Even when you did tell me personally, I was just an observer along with everyone else.” Peter says quietly.
“I didn’t know it bothered you, you never really asked me about it.” I say.
“It didn’t bother me as such. I didn’t talk about my past much either. I’d like you to be my future and I know this is too much, too fast, given it’s only been two weeks since you told me you’d take me back but it’s true. I’ve dreamed of this for months and us together is all I want, for as long as you’ll have me.” Peter says.
“You might get fed up with me.” I laugh.
“Never baby.” Peter says.
“You did before.” I say quietly, kicking myself the minute it’s out my mouth.
Peter looks at me shocked, hurt.
“I’m sorry. You’re right we should concentrate on the future. Sorry for spoiling things.” I say.
Peter squeezes my hand again but doesn’t say anything. I know I’ve just kicked him in the teeth and I don’t know how to make it right. We were doing so well, getting closer. I’m such a fuck up.
“I’m sorry baby, please tell me how to make you feel better.” I say.
He just looks back at me sadly.
“Shall we go to that movie or should we head back?” I ask.
“A movie would be nice.” Peter says still very subdued.
We head towards the car, after a few minutes Peter stops and pulls me into a tight hug.
“Give me a clean slate baby. That’s all I need.” Peter whispers so softly in my ear.
I nod and we walk on to the car in silence. Once we’re sat down I move my hand to his jaw and move his face to mine and kiss him. I don’t know if it’s enough to show him I care. A second kiss makes him relax a little and he strokes my face.
In the movie theatre it’s pretty quiet as we’ve chosen a film that has been out a few weeks. As the previews play I lean my head on his chest and he puts his arm around me. Hopefully the ice has thawed. I run my hand over his stomach under his sweater and he kisses my head. I move my hand lower and he moves it away.
“Not here baby, too much hassle if you get seen. I’m sure people are taking pictures of you.” Peter says and I reluctantly move my hand away.
The movie is fun and puts us both in a better mood.
“Want to go for dinner?” I ask as the credits roll.
“Let’s just get something to have at home. I want some serious snuggle time.” Peter says with a grin.
“Sounds great baby.” I say with a laugh.
Our stomachs full we head up to our room to lie down.
“I seriously missed affection these past 3 months.” Peter says.
“I’d have been down to hug ever day if you didn’t keep running off.” I say.
“I lived for our classes together when you got back. That was just so crazy sitting close to you and holding my breath that you might touch me a little.” Peter says.
“And I did, every damn chance I got. I loved it too. I missed you like crazy. I was so worried you’d tell me to fuck off and sit elsewhere.” I say.
“I never would. I regretted our fight straight away I was so mean, you were so mean.” Peter says.
“Clean slate. We’re both sorry. We were both hurt. We’re both in this because we want to be.” I say.
“Clean slate. Fuck going slow. I don’t want to hide anything. I love you baby. I’m all yours.” Peter shouts.
“You’re crazy.” I say. “My crazy man.”
We make out all evening. It is so nice, so low key, so comfy. It really feels like an entirely different Peter at times. He was always way more sex focused than I was. I understand he’s been through a lot with Aaron and he needs to go at his own pace. I wonder if being with Brian and Felix on spring break was different, didn’t count for him somehow.
“On spring break did you enjoy fucking the guys?” I ask curious to know if he had wanted it or done it because it was expected or to prove something to me.
“Is this your way of asking why are we not having sex yet?” Peter asks.
I shrug and then nod.
“I hadn’t had time to sort my feelings out on break. I was pretty numb and wanted to feel and you were still pushing me away so I used the nearest willing guys. Now my head is clear and I need to go slowly with you physically, just as you’re going slowly emotionally.” Peter says.
“Okay as long as it’s not me.” I say.
“It’s not you. I think I get it now, why you don’t talk about your past. It’s not just because it’s upsetting, you don’t want to be the guy that all that happened to.” Peter says.
“Yeah, being the poor kid whose mom was murdered sucks. You all thought of me that day when you found out who I was. I’d made loads of movies and yet that is the most memorable thing about me. Also I want my main memories of my parents to be happy ones. I want to remember the summer before high school camping and fishing with my dad not his last months. I want to remember my mom as the kick ass producer not murder victim.” I say.
“Maybe you could tell me more about those times. We both don’t like to share our pasts because of bad stuff, sharing fun stories sounds like a really good idea. I’d like to remember my time on swim team as a successful athlete not as what lead to my first lot of blackmail.” Peter says.
“I want to see more pictures of you in speedos. We should swim together more too.” I say.
“That sounds good. Did you ever play water polo?” Peter asks.
“Yes I loved it but never let myself play in matches. What are you thinking?” I ask.
“Maybe we could form a team next semester. I bet Harry would play.” Peter says.
“Sounds great.” I say.
“But for now we’ll swim more. One day we’ll have a house with a pool.” Peter says.
“Max has a great pool. I really enjoyed a lot of naked swimming over winter break.” I say.
“Uh wait I thought you and Max were just friends then.” Peter says.
“Friends who swam naked.” I say.
“Damn I should have been there.” Peter says.
“Next time.” I say.
“I don’t somehow think he’d like me hanging round.” Peter says.
“I think he’d fucking love being fucked by us both.” I say.
“I don’t know how I’d feel about fucking a movie star.” Peter says.
I just look at him bemused. He doesn’t catch on. He looks at me confused.
“Am I not big enough star for you?” I finally ask and he explodes with laughter.
“Mission accomplished. You really are incognito here, you are just Alexander to me, fellow student with a hot body.” Peter says running his hands over me.
We lie back telling each other fun stories from our past. We make out a little more and relax together.
The week passes by, we study together a lot, work out and swim. The weather is better so we bike to school again most days. My body feels really good. Peter’s feels good too held against mine. I let him take the lead in bed entirely, he initiates a lot less than I’d like and usually we’re just jerking or grinding, not even much head. I have to be patient with him, he was with me and it’s not his fault my libido is a lot, lot higher than it was when we were together before.
I can’t push him, it’s only been a couple of weeks and I cannot begin to understand how difficult being in a coerced relationship with Aaron was for him.
At the weekend Peter heads off for a bike ride with Jamie and Brian and I spend time with Eric putting the final touches to our plays for the festival this week. It’ll be a lot lower key for us than last year with no Blair coming and no worries about the guy’s prizes.
“How’s it going with Harry?” I ask Eric once we’re finished for the morning.
“Okay, he’s a lot clingier than I expected. I have to stay late a lot to practice or rehearse, you know what it’s like for my course and he often comes to meet me to go home together or for dinner or whatever but gets annoyed if we run late. I wish he’d just use the time to hang out with other people or on hobbies and not waiting for me.” Eric says.
“Sounds like you’re not that in to him.” I say.
“Maybe. I don’t know. I like him, he’s so fucking hot. But it’s almost like being back with Aaron, he’s not that controlling but at times I feel like he’s getting there.” Eric says.
“Arrrrgh, you know how a few weeks ago Blondie and Brian seemed to just fit and now they’re over. You two seemed to just fit too. But now you seem to be seeing as much of Brian as you are Harry. Is that why things aren’t going well?” I ask.
“Brian and I are just friends. Honestly we’ve avoided each other for a while and we’re enjoying reconnecting. Yeah it’s not helping with Harry’s jealousy. You know when I was fooling around with Bobbie Harry was so calm and patient with us but he’s not being like that with me and I’m really not doing anything with anyone else. He has no reason to not trust me.” Eric sighs.
“Well Jamie’s room is free for a couple more weeks if you need some space, or the apartment.” I say.
“Thanks. How’s it going with Peter?” Eric asks.
“Pretty good. I’m still a bit unsure that it’s the right thing to be doing. I think we’re both holding back in our own ways. I am excited to be back with him, he’s so hot and smart and I doubt I could ever find anyone who gets me the way he does.” I say.
“So why are you holding back?” Eric asks.
“I suspect we’re at an impasse. He doesn’t want to have full sex and I’m not saying what he wants to hear.” I say.
“It’s only been a couple of weeks. Give him time. I take it he’s giving you time too?” Eric asks.
“Yeah we’ve talked some and we know where we are. I’m just a bit impatient and worried, so many of our problems last time round were due to sex.” I say.
“Your problems last time were communication. He’s changed, you’ve changed, I really think the two of you can work this time. He really cares about you and I don’t know anyone as smart as you two and that is saying something at this school. You have so much in common and spend time apart like now with no issue. Harry has texted 5 times already and we’re only 1 floor apart.” Eric says sighing.
“Jay drove me mad with intraday texts. Maybe you should set up him and Harry.” I joke.
“If Jay wasn’t going to California I might. Oh hell I’m not even a tiny bit jealous at the thought of Harry and Jay getting together. Shit.” Eric says.
“Do you know what you’re doing this summer now?” I ask.
“Well the tour has fallen through so that dilemma is over thank goodness. I am going to be helping with a high school summer intensive here. Blair fully approves, as I’ll get to meet everyone who comes in to take the masterclasses. My mom approves as it’s a good thing for my resume when I need a normal job. I can live here, right?” Eric asks.
“Sorry about the tour, I hoped you’d get it and your mom would come round. Of course you can live here. Jamie will be here too. Maybe Barley and Patrick too. I need to catch up with them about the apartment.” I say.
“They broke up.” Eric says.
“What the fuck? No way. They were practically married.” I say.
“I can’t believe you didn’t know.” Eric says.
“I guess that’s why Barley never answers my messages. How did you find out?” I ask.
“I ran into Patrick recently and he told me.” Eric says.
“Shit, are they okay?” I ask.
“He is, running round with every guy he can and loving it.” Eric says.
“Fuck. I’ll message Barley now.” I say.
A few minutes later he sends a series of replies.
“Wow sounds like Patrick was a total prick. Applied for grad schools across country without telling Barley and accepting, turning down the job here and everything. Told Barley as they’d be splitting in a month or so they might as well cut things short. He’s been bringing guys back to their place and being a real shit.” I say.
“Fuck. Where is he going to live?” Eric asks.
“With a friend from his charity job, they have a spare room and he’s moving in there.” I say.
“So Jamie and Felix will take the apartment?” Eric asks.
“Yes. I guess so. I can’t say I’m unhappy at not having Felix in the house. We’re getting on great right now and I’d like to keep it that way.” I say.
“I didn’t want to say anything, but I agree. I love Felix but he can be such a bitch. To be fair not so much now he’s with Jamie but I’m still scared of him sometimes.” Eric says.
“Why didn’t Harry go with the guys today?” I ask.
“Homework, he’s a few big projects due and working flat out this weekend.” Eric says.
“You best not dump him til he’s done.” I joke.
“I wouldn’t.” Eric says.
“Do you see anything of Bobbie?” I ask.
“No, totally off radar. I miss him.” Eric says.
“Me too. I think our pieces will go okay. Let’s just have fun with it.” I say.
“Fun? They’re fucking emotional. We’re going to be wrecked.” Eric laughs.
We hear the guys come in upstairs and Peter calls for us to join them for lunch.
“You look all hot and adorable.” I tell Peter as I kiss his nose.
“We did miles it was really fun, super sweaty need a shower but food is hot so let’s eat.” Peter says.
“Jamie the apartment is yours whenever. I don’t know if you want to move in there or here for the summer. But you and Felix can have it.” I say.
“You’re amazing. Felix is on his way, I can’t wait to tell him.” Jamie says with a big grin on his face.
“Are you two all done?” Harry asks.
“Yeah we did good. Shows on Monday and Tuesday.” I say.
“And maybe Saturday.” Eric says.
I laugh at his optimism.
“Have you got summer plans Harry?” I ask.
“I’m hoping to get a job here, I know I’m too late for internships but I was waiting on Eric’s decision. If not I’ll go home and see if I can lifeguard somewhere.” Harry says.
“Do you fancy doing water polo next semester? There is a student league. Me and Alexander think we should get a team together.” Peter says.
“Sounds great. I’d love to.” Harry says.
Eric looks at me with a surprised look.
“Me too.” Jamie says.
“Cool, think about who else to ask. We’ll see if we can get some pool time this semester to see if we gel.” Peter says.
After lunch Peter and I head upstairs for some much needed alone time. We both have work to do but for once I’m happy to put mine off until tomorrow.
“Come here sexy.” I say pulling Peter towards the bed.
“Please let me shower I feel gross.” Peter says.
“Come help me.” Peter says.
“I need some you time.” I say in the shower.
Peter smiles and soaps me up. I wash him too. We spend a long time just washing each other head to toe and back again. He grabs my ass and holds me close.
“No more clothes today.” Peter says.
“Sounds perfect.” I say.
We dry each other and lie down, I lie on Peter’s chest for a change.
“I like this.” Peter says.
“Me too. Though I feel like I should be massaging your legs or something.” I say.
“Am I stopping you?” Peter asks.
“Turn over then.” I say.
“Nah I like holding you like this.” Peter says.
“Did you have fun?” I ask.
“It was good to spend time with Brian and Jamie. I’m kind of sad I won’t be here with them this summer.” Peter says.
“But your trip will be cool.” I say.
“Yeah I know. I want to be able to see you more than last summer and I can’t if I’m working.” Peter says.
“Yeah I cannot do last summer again. I’m sorry babe but there is no way I’d be able to stay faithful for months again.” I blurt out without much thought.
“Wow. You’re already ready to cheat?” Peter says.
“No, not if we don’t agree. But it’s not like last summer is it, we’ll not be months and months into a serious relationship. We’ll be 6 weeks in and nothing like as committed.” I say.
“I am fully committed. I know you’re not in the same place but surely you will be by summer.” Peter says.
“Look if we’re seeing each other every few weeks it’s not going to be a problem. If you were here all summer and I didn’t see you for a month or so.” I say grumpily. Mad at myself for bringing it up. For saying anything at all.
“Are you going elsewhere already?” Peter asks.
I get up and start to get dressed.
“Are you?” Peter shouts.