I lying in bed next to Alexander. We’ve had a long day and he’s just told me he messed up. I kind of don’t believe him. Even if he has I know I’ll forgive him. I’m not saying I’m a doormat but I know what we have is worth having and there isn’t much that could change my mind.
“Tell me baby. I hate seeing you so unhappy.” I say.
“I went to see prof to talk about the festival and classes and things. He was so passionate talking about plays we should see in London and a new class he was teaching that he wanted me to take. I got excited you know. I don’t know I never thought of him like that. Fucks sake he was dating my lawyer for a while.” Alexander says.
“It happens. We’re horny young guys, sometimes we get hard. It’s okay.” I say.
“I suppose. Anyway we hugged goodbye and I didn’t try and hide it, I kind of pressed it into him. He stepped back from me and put his hands on my shoulders holding me back and said;
‘I might be single now but you’re still my student.’
I’m so sorry baby.” Alexander says.
“I still don’t see the issue.” I say.
“I was wearing loose shorts and my underwear wasn’t doing much. It’s not like we can hide things is it?” Alexander and I both laugh.
“So?” I ask.
“So he said he didn’t want me leaving his office looking like that, that his office hours were about to start and other students might get the wrong idea. He asked if I needed a minute and I looked at him and shook my head. You know what I can get like. So he grabbed his towel from his gym bag, tossed it to me and told me to face the wall and finish up. And I was so fucking turned on by the whole situation that I did. I stood in the corner, held his towel to my face and jerked off, only lowering his towel to cum into. I was so stupid.” Alexander says.
He’s crying a little and hard as a rock, as am I.
“Baby that was so fucking hot.” I say.
“What?” Alexander says.
“I’m not mad at all. It was a situation that just happened. You didn’t plan anything. So you jerked off with another guy in the room, so what?” I say.
“Really you’re not mad?” Alexander asks.
“I’m jealous that I didn’t get to watch you like he did. Did he watch? Was he hard when you left? What did you say? Did you just drop the towel and go?” I ask everything in a hurry.
“He was just working at his desk when I left, I don’t know if he watched and I couldn’t see if he was hard. I was so fucking embarrassed that yes I just dropped the towel and dashed out of there.” Alexander says.
“So you do like a bit of humiliation.” I say lightly, running my hand over his hard, leaking cock.
“I guess so.” Alexander says groaning as my fingers lightly tease him more.
“Why didn’t you tell me before? Why wait until now? Were you planning to keep quiet, I mean I would never have found out?” I ask.
Alexander lets out a huge sigh.
“It was seeing Anderson yesterday. I was thinking here’s this guy who I’ve had sex with that Peter doesn’t know about. And it made me remember what else I’d done and I suddenly felt awful I love you so much and I thought about how things are when I’m single. The sex with Anderson was incredible but it would never have gone any further you know.” Alexander says.
“Wait, who is Anderson?” I ask.
“Just a guy from the comedy film. He played my character’s nemesis. He was at the party as he’s filming out here.” Alexander says.
“And you fucked him? When you were with Jay?” I ask curious.
“Before I was with Jay, like right before.” Alexander says. “He fucked me, him and his friends.”
“Seriously?” I ask, surprised, upset, and jealous.
Alexander tells me of his mad afternoon and I jerk him off as he does so. As he finishes the story I take him in my mouth and suck him dry while jerking myself off. Feels spectacular.
“Any other sexy confessions?” I ask when we are done.
“No, I promise. Are you really not mad?” Alexander asks.
“You are stuck with me baby. I’m sorry but I’m not that easy to shake off. The second one we were very broken up anyway and the first, well like I said it’s not a big deal. That’s not to say I want you doing stuff without me. I mean I can easily forgive you and ask that you have me there next time you want to show off that big cock of yours.” I say laughing.
“Thank-you. I’m so tired baby.” Alexander says.
“Me too.” I say and snuggle against him. I wrap around him and we have a much better night’s sleep.
The early start is not as bad as the previous few days. We pack up the last of our things and get to the airport. We are flying upper class so get to go to the lounge and it’s fucking sweet. We order breakfast and coffee and just look at each other.
“No more worries you need to spill?” I ask.
“No baby. I am so lucky to have you.” Alexander says.
“Please, you forgave so much from me. We’re doing well, we’re happy. We can talk about changes if you need to.” I say.
“I like things as they are. But maybe, no forget it.” Alexander says.
“No, go ahead. Seriously baby I’m not going to be mad if you tell me something you’re in to” I say.
“Maybe we can have fun with someone now and then this trip.” Alexander says.
“If you want to, if we both find them hot and we use condoms.” I say.
“You want to?” Alexander asks.
“I am pretty happy, no I’m really fucking happy with just you and I have no desire to look further. But I want you to be happy and if the opportunity came up I wouldn’t be upset.” I say, hoping I’ve got the balance right.
“Yeah me too. I feel like I could be with just you forever. That no one is as hot as you anyway. But sometimes I don’t know I want to watch you fuck someone or have you watch me, not just a mirror but properly watch you fucking. Spring break was so hot watching you and Felix.” Alexander says.
“Didn’t think you noticed.” I say.
“Well I did. I was disappointed Patrick wanted to be outside for round two because I couldn’t see you.” Alexander says.
“I wished round 2 was with you but I was too scared to ask.” I say.
“I’m sorry I sucked that week. I should have been nicer to you. You were a mess and I just added to your shit.” Alexander says.
“Stop it, you have apologized far too many times for something that wasn’t that big a deal. You were trying to sort your head out. It all worked out. We’re here together, totally in love.” I say.
“I do love you tonnes. I’m excited to have a few days just us.” Alexander says.
“Me too. No alarm waking us in the night.” I say.
We chill out in the lounge, sitting together drinking coffee and waiting for our call.
My heart sinks a bit when we get on board. The pod seats are amazing but we can’t really see or touch each other.
Once the seatbelt sign if off I sit on the footstool in front of Alexander.
“Hey baby. I missed you.” I say.
“Me too. But we’re too big for economy.” Alexander says.
“Are you going to sleep?” I ask.
“No as it’ll be evening when we arrive. Jetlag is going to be hard.” Alexander says.
“Yeah I guess.” I say.
I sit back down as food is being served and watch movies to pass the time. By the time we land I am so restless and want to run round screaming.
By the time we get through immigration and get our bags and get to the hotel it’s nearly 10pm. We’re staying at a moderate hotel near Covent Garden. As we check in we’re given a parcel, it contains a phone each and envelopes with sim cards for each country we’re going to, I’m surprised that it has been arranged for me too but I’m not complaining.
The hotel is way nicer inside that we expected as the rooms have been recently renovated. The room is small and the bathroom tiny, no shower fucking here.
“Let’s shower and go for a walk.” I say.
“Yeah I fell icky and need some air.” Alexander says.
We shower and change in record speed and head out
We wonder round local, it is really busy and all the pubs have people outside drinking on the street.
“Might as well do as they do.” Alexander says. He heads into one and comes out with beer. We enjoy the cool evening air and have a couple of drinks before heading back to the hotel.
Within minutes of being in our room we’re naked and feasting on each other. Alexander takes me hard, much more roughly than he usually would and I’m in heaven.
“Fuck you’re amazing baby.” I say after.
Alexander just grins at me.
“Needed to tire you out so we could sleep.” Alexander says.
“I am pretty tired.” I say.
“Me too. What shall we do tomorrow?” Alexander asks.
“I don’t know. Can we do the cheesy tourist thing, a bus tour or a boat?” I ask.
“A boat sounds good. See all the sights from the water. Get our bearings.” Alexander says.
“Kiss me.” I demand.
Alexander complies and we’re off again.
Despite the time difference we sleep soundly. I wake and realise its already mid-morning and I’m starving.
I lie holding Alexander thinking things over. Alexander’s encounter with prof really doesn’t bother me, just something that happened and I’m sure I’d have done the same given the opportunity. I guess I’d feel guilty too. I’m pretty happy with how we handled it too. No major drama just the one sleepless night.
I kiss Alexander gently, not sure if I really should wake him.
“Morning baby.” He murmurs.
Get up or do you need more sleep?” I ask gently.
“Get up, so hungry.” Alexander says.
“Good, me too.” I say.
We dress and go to a coffee place for a quick bite. We cross the Thames on Waterloo Bridge and stop every 10 steps to take pictures. Neither of us can quite believe we’re here. We take a boat to Greenwich, it’s a beautiful day and we really enjoy the journey. We are pretty affectionate, holding hands or putting our arms round each other and we don’t get too many funny looks.
We walk up to the observatory, it is the perfect attraction for me. Alexander loves it too but I’m in astronomy heaven.
“I know where you’ll be when I’m working.” Alexander says.
“Sorry I’m taking an age.” I say.
“We’re going to plays every night for me. I think we can spend some time on your interests.” Alexander says.
“Every night?” I ask.
“Uh yeah. Sorry I’m sure we can find clubs to hit after. Sorry for not discussing my plans.” Alexander says.
“I don’t care what we do as long as we get time together. You shouldn’t be frightened to tell me stuff.” I say.
Alexander grins at me and we walk in the sunshine to the Cutty Sark, this time Alexander is in his element pretending to be a pirate again. We laugh and have fun. The sun gives way to rain and we go inside the painted hall. Our jaws drop to the floor at the unexpected artwork. Neither of us had heard of the place and so it was an amazing surprize.
We are both super hungry and find a pub for fish and chips before getting the boat back. We don’t have much time left before going out for the evening. We get directions from the concierge and discover we can walk as the theater is close to where we were the night before.
Alexander collects the tickets and we climb up the industrial like stairs. This is not what I’m used to. We are too early to sit so we go into the bar for a drink. It’s pretty busy and we are squished together in a corner. I love it.
We go in and it is a lot smaller than I expected and the seating is bench style so it gets quite squashed. I’m glad we’re at the front else my legs would be in pain.
The play is straight through and we’re done by 9.30. It was pretty amazing. Alexander is really quiet as we leave.
“Want to go for drinks?” I ask.
Alexander just looks at me and nods. He’s looking a bit stunned and teary.
“Do you just want to go to the room?” I ask.
He shakes his head. We walk in the direction of bars the concierge had suggested. It isn’t quite as busy as last night and we are able to find somewhere to sit inside. I order and take drinks back to Alexander who is still being quiet.
“What’s up honey?” I ask.
Alexander downs half his cocktail and stays quiet. I give him time.
“I want to be doing what we saw tonight. I loved it, the cast were amazing and I could learn so much but I don’t know I’d ever be good enough.” Alexander says.
“You could do more plays at school.” I say.
“No. I need to be doing this professionally long term projects not just for few nights. I want to do it here.” Alexander says.
“Why here? Why not at home?” I ask.
“I don’t know. I guess I need at try at home first.” Alexander sighs.
“It’s good to have goals baby. Better to know what you want than just doing a movie that fits your schedule.” I say.
“I still want to make movies too. More drinks?” Alexander asks and I nod.
I look at him and sigh to myself. I might still lose him to his career. I don’t know how to deal with a life of long distance. I mean I was expecting it to an extent when he would be off shooting movies but would a play be a longer commitment? Would I ever see him? Will we spend our lives snatching weekends here and there and forever wondering what the other is doing?
I feel less settled, less sure. I know I would like to make it work, that I would try but I’m realistic and know we could end up a hurt mess.
Alexander is back with drinks, a few eyes follow him across the room.
“You’re getting a lot of attention.” I say.
“So are you. I think they’re trying to work out if we’re lovers or brothers.” Alexander says.
“When we met I was so aware I was just that bit smaller than you all round, shorter, less muscular, smaller dick, less smart. I’d always been the tallest and smartest before I met you. You were cooler too, intimidating.” I say.
“You had the bigger balls.” Alexander laughs. “We’re about the same now though, we both grew a little and we both got more defined. We’re hot baby.” Alexander says
“You are so hot.” I say and kiss his nose.
We have a few more rounds and then wander back to our room, somewhat drunk. We fall into bed together and sloppily make out for a good long time. We’ve just drifted off and my phone starts ringing. I’m a bit confused as I haven’t given anyone the number.
“Hello.” I grumble.
“Hi Peter.” Says Jay.
“What’s wrong?” I ask.
“Nothing is wrong just checking in making sure Alexander is okay with his schedule.” Jay says.
“Fuck off Jay. It’s 2am here and it’s our vacation. Anyway I told you before if you need something from Alexander you ask him yourself I’m not a fucking go between.” I say and hang up.
Alexander tugs me back into his arms.
“I’m sorry baby. I’ll talk to Sal tomorrow.” Alexander says and falls back to sleep.
I stay awake a while. Wondering how to get Alexander to start talking to Jay. I don’t want them to reconcile but I’d rather not have to talk to Jay myself. Ugh. I expect Jay knew what time it was here and did it on purpose, knowing Alexander only has a couple of days off. I don’t know why he feels the need to fuck with me. Delayed reaction to me and Alexander messing around when they were together? Or just being a dick, never know with Jay he can be the best or worst depending on his mood.
I fall back to sleep but it’s hard and I wake frequently, not sure if it’s Jetlag or annoyance and worry.
When I wake Alexander has just come through the door with coffee.
“I love you.” I say as he hands me a cup.
“Thought you needed some extra sleep. You were pretty unsettled in the night.” Alexander says.
“Sorry. Thanks for getting this. Have you been awake ages?” I ask.
“Long enough to shower and dress. You were really fast asleep. Didn’t stir when I left.” Alexander says.
“Sorry I couldn’t get back to sleep. What do you want to do today?” I ask.
“Let’s do the palace and tower and all things royal.” Alexander says.
“Cool.” I say.
We have another fun day enjoying the sights and spending time together.
Once all royaled out we head back to the hotel.
“Are you going to call Sal?” I ask.
“Yeah. Need to check nothing has changed and I still have tomorrow off.” Alexander says.
“I hope so. I want you all to myself longer.” I say and give him a big hug.
“Me too. I love being free with you. Okay best get it over with.” Alexander says.
I sit behind him on the bed and wrap him in a hug. I kiss his neck and he turns for a last kiss. I feel him tense as he dials and massage his shoulders, I can feel him smile.
The call starts well and defends quickly into Alexander shouting. It is unlike him to be unhappy with Sal, she’s been his ally for so long, buffering between him and Blair and his parents for years when there was trouble. The new relationship is not working so well and Alexander hasn’t even had an audition through Sal yet.
I hug him tightly as he hangs up.
“She isn’t that sorry about Jay waking you, she doesn’t get that you’re not on the payroll, I don’t know why. If I were you I’d just leave that phone off, you can message everyone when there’s Wi-Fi on your normal one anyway.” Alexander begins.
“I’m not so worried about me. I don’t want to be seen as your assistant, I’m your partner so I help you because that is what boyfriends do. Just as you help me. What about Jay and you?” I ask.
“Basically if I won’t work with Jay she will let me go. I don’t get it, Jay isn’t her only assistant. I guess I’m not making her much money yet. Suppose I don’t warrant anyone more experienced. I’m really disappointed I went with Sal as it was supposed to be more personal. I can make her a lot of money, man the Zombie film is making a killing at home. I ought to be in demand. Shit I sound obnoxious.” Alexander laughs.
“Sucks that you can’t do anything about it, we’re away for another month.” I say.
“That is the thing. I know Jay will have been bad mouthing me. He’s a fucking shit.” Alexander says.
“I doubt it. He wanted to reconcile and be your agent in the future.” I say.
“Well we won’t reconcile and he will never be my agent. I’m calling her again, she doesn’t hold all the cards.” Alexander says.
“Will you be okay if I go shower while you do?” I ask.
“Yeah. Love you.” Alexander says.
“Love you too baby, love that you’re being so strong. Kick some ass.” I say and head into the shower.
Under the water I feel good. Alexander has always been so forgiving, too forgiving. Feels bad in a way to say I’m glad he’s changing when I have benefitted from his forgiveness so many times but Jay has been particularly awful to him, far in excess of anything Alexander did to him. The most recent issue wasn’t that bad but I can understand it was one too many.
Alexander’s new backbone makes me very aware that I’m on my last chance with him. I still feel huge waves of shame when I think of the things I’ve done to him. How we ever got together is a miracle, he really has made me so much better a man. I’m very lucky.
Back in the room Alexander is lying on the bed clearly frustrated.
“What’s up honey?” I ask.
“Just waiting for Sal to call back again she was busy.” Alexander says.
“Okay. What are we doing tonight? How long do we have?” I ask.
“Another play, starts at 8 but isn’t as close, need to leave at 7 I think.” Alexander says.
“Okay so we have a bit of time. Will you need to eat?” I ask.
“No. Well maybe just you.” Alexander grins.
“I’ll not get dressed yet then.” I say grinning back.
Alexander grins at me, his eyes dancing. He leans over and pulls my towel away and lunges on top of me covering me with kisses. I wrestle to get on top and return the kisses our fun is cut short by the phone.
I pop back into the bathroom to give him some privacy this time. I flick through our guide book to see what other sights we should go to. I’d like to have a low key day tomorrow. Maybe go for a run and have a picnic in one of the parks. We’ve been walking loads but I want to exercise properly. I suppose I’ll have loads of time to work out when Alexander is working.
Alexander comes through the door looking a little happier.
“Let me shower then we can talk.” Alexander says.
“Okay baby.” I say kissing him briefly.
I use the time to chat to my Mom. She’s missing me and seems to be feeling a bit lonely.
“Maybe you should come join us.” I say.
“I’m busy at work. Does Alexander ski? We could book something for winter break now.” Mom asks.
“I don’t know if he does. I’d love to have Alexander at ours for the holidays. But he would be happier if we went somewhere I think, he finds the holidays very difficult.” I say.
“Well if you hadn’t been an idiot he would have been with us last year. Though given your fathers behaviour I’m glad he wasn’t with us.” Mom says.
“Yeah me too. Well not really I’d rather be with him even when he’s mad at me than away from him.” I say.
“Things are still going well?” Mom asks.
“Between us yes, really well. He’s having a few work issues but I think he’ll be okay.” I say.
“I imagine he can do whatever he wants, he’s on every magazine cover right now and his movie is doing so well. I spoke to Eric and he’s got lots of offers coming in.” Mom says.
“You spoke to Eric?” I ask.
“Yes, his mom is visiting him and they called me.” Mom says.
“Okay. Love you Mom have to go, we’re off to a play.” I say.
“Love you son.” Mom says.
Alexander looks fucking amazing as always, actually more so than usual, dripping wet and almost nude.
“Fuck baby you are so hot.” I say.
Alexander plops onto the bed next to me getting me wet again but I don’t protest.
“Okay let me tell you stuff, then you can stuff me.” Alexander says making my cock twitch.
“So what did Sal say?” I ask.
“Nothing helpful, she won’t budge. Would you hate it if we went to LA after Germany and then went to Australia from there? It would mean not much time together until the end of the trip.” Alexander says.
“Uh I’m okay with it but those flights were expensive, will we be able to get credit towards flights from LA?” I say.
“I’ll work it out, it’s my problem. I’ll cover the costs.” Alexander says.
“I’m not comfortable but okay. You have to start letting me pay for other things, in budget things.” I say.
“You contribute baby, you really do. I can’t manage all this without you.” Alexander says.
“You know taking care of you makes me feel good. I love to see you happy. And I know you’ll not sleep until you have this issue sorted. I could stay here and take my original flight but you need me too much.” I say laughing.
“No nights apart, that is the new top rule. Those 2 weeks were terrible. I need your face every morning.” Alexander says.
I feel so, so, so good when he says that, really warm and happy. I love that he knows that he needs me, that he wants me around all the time.
“Come here, let me show you what else you need.” I say.