I wake up with the alarm, kiss Alexander good morning then go on auto pilot getting him ready to go. As soon as he’s out the door I lie on the bed and cry. I’m tired and grumpy and really, really worried about Alexander.
I take a shower and try and calm down but I just can’t. Something is bothering me and I can’t work it out. He keeps talking about time off and then makes more plans. I need to tell him he doesn’t have to do everything now.
I suppose losing his parents young makes him more rushed to follow his dreams but he’s putting so much pressure on himself and he knows it. He knows he needs a break but keeps doing things that will make that impossible.
Arrrrrrrrrgh my boyfriend is so difficult sometimes.
We’re moving hotels today so I begin to pack up our stuff. I turn the TV on to the radio station that Alexander is at this morning. I’m sleepy so lie down and soon just fall asleep. I’m woken by Alexander coming through the door clearly upset.
I switch off the TV.
“What’s up baby? Why are you here?” I ask.
“They were so mean I just walked out and got a cab back.” Alexander says.
“Were you on your on again, no press or pr guys?” I ask.
“Just me again.” Alexander says, he’s so down.
“What time are you due at the hotel for interview day?” I ask.
“In an hour.” Alexander says.
“Is it far?” I ask.
“I don’t know.” Alexander says.
“So what happened?” I ask.
“They were mean. We talked about the movie in the first slot and it was fine and we were joking around. Then there was a celebrity does something for their charity foundation spot on the news and they started asking me if I was a spokesperson for any charities and I said no. I said lots of charities do great work and I wouldn’t want to choose one over another publically.” Alexander begins.
“What you said sounds okay, bit heavy for an early morning show.” I say.
“Exactly. Then this guy, not the main presenter, just the joke guy starts saying well your Mom died due to gun violence and your dad died from cancer do you not care enough to support those charities. I just said I like to keep my charity giving private. And he said so because your parents didn’t survive you don’t care if anyone else dies.” Alexander says.
“Shit.” I say.
“So I left. I just took my mic off and walked out. I didn’t say anything.” Alexander says.
“Shit.” I say again. I can’t believe that happened on a breakfast show.
“I don’t think I can face anyone today.” Alexander says.
“You have to. Tell the PR guys to add to the brief, movie talk only. No talk of the radio interview, no talk of your parents and no talk of charities that you do or don’t support. If any of that comes up the interview is over. Isn’t that what the big stars do?” I ask.
“You fix everything.” Alexander says.
“No more going to these things alone, if they can’t send anyone I will be with you. I’ll be with you today too. Come on let’s get our bags downstairs, we can take them with us. Do you have the address?” I ask.
“Yes.” Alexander says a little brighter.
I can’t believe people are so low as to use his parents to get ratings.
“You okay?” I ask squeezing his hand was we wait for a cab.
“Not really. Wish I could cancel.” Alexander says.
“I love you. I’m gonna be your bodyguard today, anyone who says anything wrong is out.” I say.
“I love you too, you take such good care of me.” Alexander says.
We get to the hotel where the interviews are being held. The director of the movie is there too today so Alexander goes to talk to him. I go and talk to the PR people and ream them out.
I really go off on one. Probably totally unprofessional but I expect they’ve heard worse. Once I stop shouting I calm down and start being practical.
“You can’t keep leaving him to do everything alone. I understand the TV thing yesterday was moved last minute but he should have had someone at the radio station this morning.” I say.
“The person who was supposed to go called in sick. But it was so early we didn’t get the message until after.” Woman one says.
“Well you need to make sure it doesn’t happen again. It was the same in New York.” I say.
“Yes, I’ll be there for everything else and we’re already organising the rest of his European events to make sure at least 2 people are present.” She says.
“And today you’ll make it clear that any talk of his parents, the radio interview or charity will end the interview.” I say.
“Yes of course.” She says.
“And I’ll be in the room with him at all times.” I say.
“That isn’t a problem but they may well write about you.” She says.
“I don’t care as long as he feels safe and not under attack.” I say.
“Look this morning was totally unexpected. We couldn’t have prepared him for that.” She says.
“But you could have shut it down faster. This is his first time doing this, he doesn’t know what is expected. He doesn’t know how to shut things down or how to deflect things back. He hasn’t had that sort of media training.” I say.
“He’s been doing this his whole life.” She says.
“No he has never done this much one on one and not for years and never without a parent.” I say and walk off before I get mad again.
The day is pretty boring. The same questions over and over. It’s interesting to see the difference when it’s filmed or recorded for a radio slot rather than just taped for a magazine. Most of the interviewers are polite and stick to the movie with a couple of personal questions thrown in. A few ask if he’s really retiring again and he handles everything quite well.
The final interview of the day has taken a while to get set up, it’s being filmed for a magazine’s website and they’re having trouble with the lighting.
They do the preliminary greetings and then…
“So how does it feel to be labelled the meanest man in Hollywood?” The interviewer asks.
“That’s it we’re done here.” I say.
Alexander looks up at me and smiles.
“Seriously you’re not going to let us get one question out?” The interviewer asks.
“Not when it’s nothing to do with the movie.” I say.
The PR woman steps in and confirms that no interview will happen.
“After this they will think I’m mean and difficult. Ugh.” Alexander says quietly to me.
“You want to carry on?” I ask.
“No. No way, they were a dick.” Alexander says.
“I’m shattered. You’ve been amazing to do days of this.” I say.
“I’ve been paid well, this is part of the deal.” Alexander says.
“Half a day of this tomorrow and a chat show then you almost have a day off.” I say.
“Yeah premiere day will be easy, we can sleep in and take our time getting ready.” Alexander says.
“Let’s go downstairs and check in.” I say.
“Okay it’s a pain here for 2 nights then another change. I liked where we were.” Alexander says.
“So did I. Maybe we’ll get a big shower here.” I say hopefully.
“Or a bathtub.” Alexander says grinning.
We head to reception and as we’re stood there the last interviewer comes out of the lift and starts screaming at Alexander. He really goes mad. Alexander looks terrified.
Security come out and start to edge the guy out of the door, but somehow he gets round them and lunges at Alexander, I step in and push Alexander behind me. His fist connects with my jaw and I’m knocked to the floor.
Security grab him before he can do anything else and fortunately Alexander doesn’t lash out. He doesn’t have my temper.
The receptionist gets me some ice and the police arrive quickly to arrest the guy. We give statements and exhausted are finally able to go to our room.
The hotel have put us in a suite. It’s not super fancy just a larger room but it does have a spa tub.
“Bath and room service?” I ask.
“I uh can’t. I have a dinner with Tom’s agent.” Alexander says.
“When did you organise that?” I ask.
“Sorry he called when you were talking to the police.” Alexander says.
“When are you going?” I ask.
“In about 30minutes.” Alexander says.
I’m speechless. I would never do the same to him.
“Well you best go shower then.” I say coldly.
“Should I cancel?” Alexander asks.
“No, you need to do this. I’ll entertain myself.” I say really annoyed but trying to stay calm.
“I’m sorry baby.” Alexander says kissing me.
I shrug him off and walk away.
“Baby I’m sorry. We’re having dinner at a private club, he can only take one guest. I did ask if you could come.” Alexander says.
“Just go. It wouldn’t look good to have me with you looking like this.” I say.
“Baby I’m sorry. You look beautiful to me.” Alexander says kissing my jaw gently.
I walk away. I knew theoretically there would be times his career would come before me but I don’t think I’d have left him alone in the same circumstance. Not when I can’t even call anyone to come over.
I don’t talk to Alexander as he gets ready to go out and I’m not exactly loving when he kisses me goodbye.
I’m totally at a loose end when he leaves, I unpack and sort out the laundry to get sent down in the morning, now we’re on the film companies’ dime might as well make the most of it.
I contemplate going out but as much as I’d like a drink I’d be just as miserable out as in here. I flick through the TV but noting grabs me. My jaw is still aching and I wonder if I need to get it checked out.
In the bathroom I take a look, there’s a small cut and it’s beginning to bruise nastily. I look like shit, I can’t even grow decent facial hair to cover it.
I go to bed, I struggle to get comfortable. My jaw hurts from the hit and from me clenching it all the time. I’m so fucking angry at him and I have no right to be he’s working. I don’t want to go to sleep angry with him but I’m tired of being awake angry too.
What the fuck am I doing here? I’m just babysitting him and waiting on him. I grab my tablet and start looking for flights home. There is going to be no change here until he finishes up in Australia but if our time there is like here it’s just going to be more of him calling the shots and me blindly following.
I’ve been a total sap. I am not usually like this, I’m usually pretty independent. We do our own thing, we expect each other to. We’ve done 1 thing I wanted to do here. We’ve not been to clubs, we’ve barely been out and I’m bored. Bored of hotels. Bored of checking up on him. Bored of cleaning up his mess and stroking his ego. I’m done.
I love him but I just can’t do this fulltime for another month. I need my own stuff going on. He doesn’t give a shit about me. He left me alone and hurt. I’m not his priority so why the fuck should he be mine.
I contemplate staying for his première and booking a flight home the day after, cheaper than going tomorrow anyway. I repack my stuff and give myself some time to think.
I sit down and bring the page back up, pretty much decided to stay 2 more days, before I hit purchase he comes back in.
“What are you doing? Looking at hot guys?” Alexander asks cheerfully.
“Booking a flight home.” I say.
“Fine.” Alexander says quietly.
“So should I stay for the opening or go tomorrow?” I ask.
“I don’t care.” Alexander says cold as ice.
I look at him. His words really sting.
“You mean that?” I ask.
“Good to know you want me around.” I say.
“You want me to beg you to stay? Not my style. If you want to leave me, leave.” Alexander says.
“Nice, you don’t even ask if there’s anything wrong at home. Just make it about you and your ego. No I don’t want you to beg me to stay, I wanted to know if you wanted me around for 2 more days. Clearly not.” I say.
“What’s the point in prolonging it? You know I really thought this was it, that we were going to make it this time.” Alexander says still ice cold.
“Good to know that I can give up my time for you, get punched in the face for you but if I want to do something for me then we’re over. I thought we would last time too. I didn’t count on you being so selfish. I just wanted to go home while you’re working I didn’t know that it would be over.” I say.
I grab my bags and leave.
I ask at reception if they have another room. I don’t want to hang around the airport all night. They are full so it looks like I’ll have no choice. The bar is open so I go and have a drink or 3. I can’t believe it’s over just like that. I was angry at him sure, but not that angry.
My tears roll into my drink and I laugh as I realize I didn’t even book the flight. I call the one guy in this city whose number I have.
“Hey Tom, can I stay with you for a few days?” I ask.
“Of course. Just you?” Tom asks.
“Yeah. Is that okay? Can I come now?” I ask.
“Of course it’s okay. I’ll text my address and you can get a cab now yeah?” Tom asks.
“Thanks.” I say.
The address comes through and I get in the cab. No idea what the fuck I am doing.