Tom’s play has just finished. I was just as drawn in as last week. He really is very, very good. Knowing him that much better than last time the transformation into his character is more apparent. I’d love for him and Alexander to work on something together.
I wait in the downstairs bar for Tom and he and the other actor Jack join me for a drink.
“So you’re the hero who trapped the stalker?” Jack says.
“Hardly, I just took a hit and had no idea he was a stalker.” I say.
“It wasn’t just your boyfriend he was after. Had shrines to loads of others. Was a total fruit loop yet had been let in to tonnes of press events.” Jack says.
“Scary. I’m just glad nothing worse happened.” I say.
“Thanks to you. Shutting down that interview was the first time anyone had questioned him. Hundreds of tapes of people he had at home, all asking nasty weird questions.” Jack says.
“I’m sure they havn’t had time to watch them yet.” I say.
“I heard the same. One of my mates was contacted as he had multiple encounters with him.” Tom says.
“But it was harmless until yesterday. I mean intrusive to those he fake interviewed but no real harm done.” I say.
“Suppose. But he was clearly volatile, could have been worse.” Tom says.
“Has Alexander said anything about it?” I ask, kicking myself.
“You really keep yourself in a bubble. Alexander has done a couple of interviews, saying the same as you. Glad it wasn’t worse, hope he gets the help he needs. No mention of you if that’s what you’re asking.” Tom says.
“I didn’t expect him to.” I say.
“He hasn’t said he’s single or anything though.” Tom says.
“I cannot believe he’s ditched you. Was he embarrassed he needed saving? I mean he’s a beefy fella looks like he’d handle himself okay.” Jack says.
“He didn’t seem to be.” I say.
“Honestly I’d give my left arm for a girl outside the business who was a knockout and smart and supported my stupid hours. It is not easy to date in this business and Yom said you didn’t know who he was when you first met.” Jack says.
“I knew who he was when we started dating. But not the first time we fucked. He wasn’t working though, he was just another student. It was like the acting thing was something he did when he was a kid.” I say.
“And now he’s about to be a big franchise action hero.” Jack says.
“He is?” I ask.
“Apparently he’s in line for a big superhero gig.” Jack says.
“Unless that happened today he isn’t. Everything is just rumours. He was telling the truth the other morning he’s had no meetings or auditions or anything since he wrapped on the comedy. Other than a couple of meetings here in London about stage work.” I say.
“Shit.” Jack says.
“He’ll be fine I’m sure. It’s not like he’s free until next may anyway.” I say.
“That’s why he ditched you last night. He’s feeling insecure about his career, couldn’t turn down the meeting.” Tom says.
“Maybe. Doesn’t mean he can’t say sorry.” I say.
“True. But maybe it’s not the end of the world to make the first move if you want to reconcile.” Tom says.
I stay quiet and the conversation soon turns to other things.
Tom and I walk back to his place.
“Look I love having you here, I’m not about to kick you out but would you please call him. Just let him know where you are.” Tom says.
“Sorry for being miserable.” I say.
“We’ve all been there. Just call him.” Tom says.
I get no answer, I leave a voicemail asking if we can chat.
“Maybe he’s still at the TV studio.” I say.
“Maybe. I’m sure he’ll call tomorrow.” Tom says and pulls me into a hug.
It feels really good to have his big strong arms around me, I stay there gripping him back for far too long.
“Let’s watch a movie in bed, just cuddling, no expectations.” Tom says.
“Thanks. That sounds really good.” I say.
As I lie there Tom snuggled onto my chest, his arms around me I relax. It feels nice. I do wish it was Alexander or that he was here too. I like Tom, I think we’re going to be good friends. Feels really good to have someone who understands my boyfriend and the pressures he’s under.
Huh I’m still thinking Alexander is my boyfriend, still thinking of a future with him. I grab my phone and message him once more.
“Love you, miss you.” I type.
Tom cuddles me closer and I drift off part way through the film.
I wake first and make us coffee and toast.
“Brekkie in bed, I’m regretting encouraging you to make up with Alexander.” Tom says.
“Uh I think I owe you more than breakfast.” I say.
“Ahh if you were single repayment would be so much easier.” Tom says laughing.
“Eat your toast.” I say laughing.
“What’s the plan for today? Want to hit the gym again?” Tom asks.
“Yes please. Then I’m going to do what I was meant to, collect my suit, go to the première and see you at the party.” I say confidently.
“Sounds good. Make sure you get cabs everywhere today, just in case.” Tom says.
“Sure big guy.” I say.
“Come on let’s go hulk up.” Tom says.
Collecting my suit later I worry about seeing Alexander but he doesn’t come in while I’m there. He hasn’t answered my messages so I don’t know if he wants me there or not. I guess we’ll be sat together at the film, I’ll find out the score then. At least he hadn’t cancelled the suit hire.
Tom has given me a key to his place so I go back there to get ready for the evening. I’m half considering skipping the movie part and just going to the party but I really want to see Alexander before then.
I get a cab into the movie theatre and it has to drop me quite a distance away. There are huge crowds at the barriers, far more than in New York. Lots of press too. It is pretty intimidating.
Luckily Alexander gave me the invites earlier in the week. I walk to the non-celebrity side entrance and still have to walk a portion of the red carpet to get inside the cinema. Suddenly photographers start calling my name. I turn and stare, quite amused. Then walk inside. From inside I go upstairs and look out the window for Alexander. Absolutely no sign of him. I don’t know if he’s inside or not yet here.
I’m stopped on the way in to the screen and told I’ve been moved. Great Alexander doesn’t want to sit by me. My seat isn’t bad. I sit back and people watch until the film starts. I enjoy it just as much as the first time. I must tell Eric how funny he is in it.
I look round for Alexander as the lights go up but I don’t see him. I wait for the crowd to thin. It gave a pretty good reaction. I’m happy for Alexander and Eric. They should be really proud of it.
I message Eric quickly as I leave. The party is in a hotel close to the cinema so I put my head down and walk. I walk up the stairs to the hotel ballroom and get let in no problem.
The room hasn’t been as transformed as well the other party but the food and drink is plentiful. I message Tom to see if he’s close. Says he’s 30minutes away. Hey at least I know my phone is working.
At the side the celebrities are having their pictures taken. I don’t recognise many but it’s fun to watch the ones that think they should get more notice than they do. Alexander and the director come in. They are in the photo area for a long time.
As soon as they’re out I walk towards Alexander but before I get close to him security grab my arm and one of the PR women is instantly on the other side.
“So sorry you were let in by mistake. You should have been removed from the list.” The woman whispers in my ear.
I’m escorted out of the room. I get half way down the steps and sit down, put my head in my hands and cry. All the emotion of the last few days comes out and I just can’t stop. I must look a total disaster.
Tom and a friend arrive while I’m still sat there sobbing.
“You can’t be too drunk already.” Tom says joking.
“Invite rescinded, I was escorted out. Not allowed near him.” I say between sobs.
“Go downstairs with Ryan, this is Ryan, Ryan this is Peter, and sit in the bar. I’ll go and talk to him. Then he’ll either come and see you or we’ll go and hit soho and forget he ever existed. Okay?” Tom asks.
I nod and follow Ryan downstairs. I find the bathroom and wash my face, trying to calm some of the redness.
“So how do you know Tom?” I ask Ryan when I go back out.
“We used to date. He knows I love these events so brings me when he’s single.” Ryan says.
“So it’s all amicable?” I ask.
“Yeah. We are close friends now. We just didn’t want to be in a relationship, no big drama.” Ryan says.
“Sorry you’re stuck babysitting me and not in the party. You can go on in, I can get a cab back I don’t want to spoil your night.” I say.
“It’s fine. Tom cares about you and I don’t really care if we party here or in a bar or club. I just need a drink or 10.” Ryan says.
I laugh and order another round.
“It is a bit shit paying hotel prices for drinks when they’re free upstairs.” I say.
“That is true, you and Tom are buying all night.” Ryan says laughing.
Tom comes down alone.
“He’s a stupid fuck who has no fucking clue.” Tom says.
“So he’s over me already.” I say.
“No I’d say he is very much into you but thinks you’re better off without him. I couldn’t convince him otherwise. He would like to talk but not here he doesn’t want to be overheard. He will call you tomorrow.” Tom says.
“That’s something.” I say.
“I suggest we go have a few drinks somewhere more fun and then you should go and be with him. Not too early mind, make him sweat.” Tom says.
“Thanks. Okay let’s go. You need to show me the fun side of town,” I say.
The three of us head out. I try and push thoughts of Alexander to the back of my mind. I know exactly what sort of mood he is in and how much he needs me right now and how he will just push me away. I feel both good and awful. I’m hopeful I can talk him round easily. I’m just really worried he’ll ice me out forever.
We jump in a cab and head to a club not far from Tom’s apartment.
“It’s a straight club but it’s good. And we’ll get less hassle there than anywhere near here.” Tom says.
I nod not worried about where we go.
“You okay?” Ryan asks, I’ve been staring out the window not really listening to them.
“Yeah sorry was miles away. I’ll be good when we’re drinking and dancing.” I say.
“Yay, Tom doesn’t dance. So glad he found you.” Ryan says and I laugh.
Tom knows the doorman and we’re ushered straight in to VIP, Tom orders a bottle and Ryan and I go and dance.
He’s fun to be around and we have a great time dancing. We’re not bothered at all which is a relief. Sweaty we sit back down with Tom and help him with the drinking. Tom and Ryan are entertaining guys and my mind is off Alexander completely.
We’re laughing and joking together and not paying much attention to anything around us. I’ve drunk a lot and am feeling pretty good. Tom is flirting like mad and I’m beginning to return a fair bit which has Ryan laughing at us and complaining he’ll be on the sofa tonight.
Tom heads to the bathroom and Ryan and I look around at the other people.
“That looks like the director of Alexander’s movie.” I say.
“No shit, some of the actors too.” Ryan says.
“Oh yeah, I met a few in New York.” I say.
“Bloody introduce us then. They won’t know you were chucked out earlier.” Ryan says.
“Thanks for reminding me. Come on then.” I say and we walk over to their table.
To my surprise everyone is really nice. The Tom comes back with Alexander. I smile at him tentatively.
“Want to dance?” I ask.
“I’d rather keep a low profile.” Alexander says.
“Then why are you in a club? Honestly Ryan and I were dancing before and it was fine. People here are pretty self-involved.” I say.
“Come on, join us. Hi, I’m Ryan.” Ryan says kissing Alexander’s cheek.
“Sorry, I forgot you hadn’t met yet.” I say.
“It’s fine, let’s go. Tom is being all boring talking shop.” Ryan says, Tom is sat chatting with the director.
The three of us dance for a while longer. It’s getting close to closing time. I need a plan.
I head back to Tom, he’s super happy.
“You look excited.” I say.
“Just good conversation, plus he’s hot.” Tom says.
“For an old guy.” I say.
“My boy he’s not so old to me, I’m a decade older than you.” Tom says.
“Is it okay if I stop by yours with Alexander and get my stuff? I’m going to go to his hotel.” I say confidently. No idea if Alexander will go along with me.
“Yeah I’m done here let’s get a cab together.” Tom says.
Ryan and Alexander come over and we go to Tom’s, Alexander waits in the cab while I get my stuff.
“Take care kid. He loves you he’s just feeling pretty mixed up. Don’t be too hard on him.” Tom says.
“Thanks. I know what he’s thinking. As long as he gives me a chance I can talk him round. Thanks so much for everything. You’ve been amazing.” I say.
“I’m back in LA in 2 weeks, if you’re there after Australia we’ll hang out.” Tom says.
“Sounds good. See ya Ryan.” I say and head back to the waiting car.
I don’t know where to begin with Alexander. I reach my hand out to his and he grips me tightly. It feels good, I know we’ll work things out. I don’t know if I’ll stay on the trip but I do know we’ll remain boyfriends.
We pay the driver and head in the hotel.
“What is this place?” I ask, the reception is all neon colours and the bar area is still full of people posing.
“I know, not our type of place. The vibe is so look at me that I get a headache just walking through the lobby.” Alexander says.
“Where is the elevator?” I ask.
“Just a sec, I’m going to sort a late checkout. We might not like this place but there’s no way we’ll be ready to leave at 11.” Alexander says.
I nod, it is close to 5am and I’d like to sleep in.
We go up to the room. It’s pretty small but has a good bathroom and a cool lighting system.
“How did you end up here?” I ask.
“I had to leave the other place because of photographers. The PR girls put me here as it’s close to the movie theatre and the door is so close to the road it’s only 2 steps to get inside, less chance of hassle if they found out where I moved to.” Alexander says.
“Was it bad?” I ask.
“Yeah. Well not really. I had the day doing interviews so didn’t leave. I was going to go out for dinner before the chat show but was advised not to. When I finally did leave it was hell they were 6 deep taking pictures right in my face, it was like when Mom died.
They moved my stuff and checked me in here when I was out. Then yesterday was hard as all the questions were about you and that nutjob. I’m sorry about having you moved away from me at the screening and about the party. I just kind of panicked when I found out the photographers would be inside not outside the party.” Alexander says.
“You could have told me not to go rather than humiliate me like that.” I say.
“I’m sorry baby.” Alexander says.
“Can we talk tomorrow? I’m too drunk and too tired right now.” I say.
“Yes. Let’s fill out the breakfast card and we can talk in here over breakfast.” Alexander says.
“I will be starving, I barely ate today, I want everything.” I say grinning.
“Even kippers?” Alexander says laughing.
“What the fuck are they?” I ask.
“Smoked fish, they stink.” Alexander says.
“Why would anyone want them for breakfast?” I ask.
We fill out our options and stick it on the door.
“Do o have my clean clothes?” I ask.
“Yes! I can’t believe you left most your stuff.” Alexander says.
“Thanks. If I’d gone home it would have been fine, you’d have just had some extras.” I say.
“I’m relieved you didn’t go. I really, really missed you.” Alexander says.
“Well talk about that tomorrow.” I say stripping of.
Alexander heads to the bathroom and I look around the room a little and play with the lighting.
When Alexander is done I head in myself.
“Don’t shower.” Alexander calls out.
After peeing and brushing my teeth I head back to the bedroom.
“I am way too tired to shower.” I say.
“I just need to smell you. I hated this bed without you, I couldn’t sleep.” Alexander says.
“Baby we’ll talk tomorrow.” I say firmly.
I slip into bed facing away from Alexander, my face is still a little tender if I lie on the bruised side.
“Why so far away, you still mad?” Alexander says.
“I have to lie this way.” I say.
Alexander quickly spoons in behind me.
“I’m so sorry you got hurt.” Alexander says kissing my neck and stroking my cheek gently.
“Tomorrow baby” I say sleepily.
“I love you Peter, so much baby.” Alexander says all his coldness has gone.
I’m too drunk to think things through properly. Why has he gone from not returning any messages to being super loving and affectionate?
Hey I shouldn’t complain, he loves me, he’s sorry, we’re going to be okay.