Alexander gone 1

I walk into the kitchen and slam the backdoor. Everyone looks at me, no one says anything. I head upstairs to my room without saying anything.

School has been back in session a week, I went home for the weekend to get my cast off and a final check-up. After the debacle last time they were more than happy to see me on a weekend. I have some exercises to do to strengthen my wrist and a lecture on eating right. I’ve lost 20pounds I didn’t need to lose, hardly surprising given what I’m going through.

In the weeks since Alexander has been gone I’ve been called back in for police questioning over and over. I’m finally no longer a person of interest but there is still no leads on what may have happened. Of course nothing may have happened at all. It is entirely possible Alexander just took off. Fed up with me, fed up with his life.

I don’t know if Alexander was murdered or kidnapped, committed suicide or just took off. I don’t think he would have hurt himself but he was unhappy and I just can’t shake our last fight from my mind even though we made up straight away.

To say that Alexander disappearing has shown me who my friends are is an understatement. Mart, John and Tom have been my rocks. Mart and John will never give up hope that he’ll come back and they never waived in their support for me, never doubted me for a minute. They set up my legal team and are still funding a private investigator to look for him.

Tom took me in and kept me company, he held me when I was in despair and he worked so hard to distract me and keep me going, whether watching comedy marathons or challenging me on the treadmill. I knew the two of us could be great friends and we are. He is the greatest.

Back at school support came from the least likely places, Felix and Blondie. Both of them reached out as soon as they heard and have been my bodyguards around school. Blondie has moved in to Jamie’s old room much to Eric and Brian’s disgust.

Fuck them, it’s my house. I don’t say that. I’ve not told anyone at school about Alexander giving me half the house or sharing his money, not that I’ll ever use it. I finger the diamond on my wrist and try and think of him just taking his break, think of him calm.

I call Mom to let her know I’m back okay then do the same to Mart and John.

“I’ve emailed you all the statements from the summer. All the accounts are unfrozen now. Please look and let me know if anything seems amiss.” John says.

“I will. Ugh I hate him for causing us all this much worry.” I say.

“Don’t think badly of him. He loves you very much, you know that.” Mart says,

“I love him too but if he’s gone off by himself without telling anyone he is a selfish shit. I can love him and still be mad.” I say.

We say our goodbyes. I look through everything John has sent through. 2 things become apparent a bunch of payments for security starting months before we had any and no money coming in for his ad campaigns in Japan. I contemplate telling John but hold back. I am mad at Alexander and want to put John and Mart’s minds at rest but if he doesn’t want to be found right now I feel like he needs me on his side and I can’t betray him to anyone. Just in case.

Blondie wanders in and sits on my bed.

“You can’t hide away forever.” Blondie says.

“I don’t need to be around those guys.” I say.

“You need friends right now.” Blondie says.

“I can’t believe you’re being such a good friend. Given how close you and Aaron were.” I say.

“I had no idea, no idea at all that things between you were not fully consensual. I never, ever would have been involved if I had known, I’d never have been friends with Aaron like I was. Everything with me, Brian and Ray was fully agreed. I know not everyone understands it but it was what we wanted, maybe them more than me. Maybe I pushed Ray too much, took advantage but I was good for him too.” Blondie says.

“Trying to burn the house down was a bit extreme.” I say.

“I was so embarrassed after that I couldn’t even face you at all to apologise. I just pretended it hadn’t happened. I only meant him to bag up Brian’s things not burn them.” Blondie says.

“How is he doing without you?” I ask.

“Really, really well. Once the apartment was out for us to live in it made sense for him to stay closer to home. I was ready to move on anyway. He’s still upset but he’s working hard. Thinks if he gets perfect grades he’ll win me back or something.” Blondie says.

“So being the all-powerful, all knowing master is over?” I ask.

“For now. I want to explore other things. You know how that is. I don’t want to be trapped by my kinks. I want to be free to explore more not just be put in a box.” Blondie says.

“That I understand.” I say laughing.

Blondie and I have a lot in common and with him being more like he used to be, he’s easy to be around. He’s even had me opening up about Aaron. Forcing me to talk about it a bit. I don’t want to but it actually takes my mind off Alexander.

Felix comes in too, he’s taken to checking up on me most evenings. This summer has really changed him. He can still be the ultimate bitch but he is making a lot more effort with friends and senior year has kicked in and he’s already a study machine. It’s only been a week but the three of us are studying together a lot.

Felix clearly misses Jamie. Heaps. I’m not the only one who has lost my boyfriend and best friend in one go. Brian and Jamie are sickly together and are still in the shut out the world stage. I have tried talking to both of them about Felix but as they both think I have something to do with Alexander going missing there isn’t much I can do and neither of them will listen to Blondie.

“I can’t believe Jamie won’t even have lunch with you.” I say.

“Yeah 3 years of friendship down the pan. I never would have dated him if thought I would lose his friendship.” Felix says.

“I never thought you two would be in here and not those 3.” I say honestly.

“Eric is being such a diva. I cannot deal with him. He is loving all the attention and all the offers. We are bad for his image.” Blondie says.

“He actually said those words to me before we even got back to school. He couldn’t be seen with me whilst I have the Alexander scandal over my head. As if he thinks I did murder him or something.” I say.

“Fucking idiot.” Felix says.

“I wouldn’t mind but his mom is managing all my press for me, she’s doing all she can to make sure the message is out that I have had nothing to do with him going missing. She believes in me and barely knows me, Eric who knows me so well won’t even support me in private. If I didn’t love his Mom so much I’d ask him to leave.” I say.

“Could you? Alexander asked Eric to look after this place if he took time off.” Felix says.

“That was before we got back together. Mart and Alexander have made it so I’m in charge of the house as Alexander was thinking of taking the semester off. Actually he did officially defer.” I say quietly stretching the truth a little about the house but I still want to keep things quiet just in case they view me as a money grabber like the police.

“So he did plan this?” Blondie asks.

“I think so, it looks he did move some money earlier in the summer. I think he is just taking the break he wanted. I don’t know why he didn’t tell me his plans. He’s left me in limbo.” I say.

“Well that is a relief, I have genuinely been worried he was taken by whoever murdered that Phillip guy.” Felix admits.

“Me too. He always treated me well even though I was shit to him and the thought that something had happened to him. I’ve just been terrified.” Blondie admits.

“I’m so mad at him. If he’s just told me it would have saved so much hassle and worry.” I say.

“You’d have worried and tried to talk him out of it. I think he thinks he is protecting you. I bet he never dreamed it would become a police matter or that they would suspect you of wrongdoing.” Blondie says.

“I guess. I just want him home.” I say.

The guys leave me to get ready for bed.

I check again the amounts paid for security through the early part of the summer then pull up the island listings we were looking at, I search on sold and find one that fits. I’m pretty certain Alexander is on our fucking island. I don’t know how he got there without his passport showing up but that has to be where he is.

I don’t know why he didn’t tell me he was going. Did he think I would talk him out of it? How long was he planning it? Did he always plan to leave me? Why did he tell me I was his forever when he was already in the midst of this plan?

I give in to my tears. The relief that he is likely alive hits me like a train. I have been so on edge. There has been no resolution to the Phillip murder. The guy who beat me up in Australia was not part of the hired security crew but is insisting no one paid him to attack me. I’ve been so worried, so angry, so afraid. I’m still fucking angry but mostly, mostly I feel some relief.

I send a quick reply to John asking him not to look any further into things, I tell him I’m now sure Alexander has gone of his own accord. Let him have his break. I never thought the break would include a break from me but if that is what he needs I don’t want anyone to get in his way.

I stare at the screen, letting the tears dry on my face. I start an email to Alexander. I’ve no idea if or when he’ll pick it up or if he’ll reply. I let him know I love him and want him home but understand he needs a break. I just want him to know I’ll wait for him, for as long as it takes.

Knowing where he likely is brings a whole new set of worries. Will he go mad with loneliness? Will he eat properly? Will he be protected from the weather? Will he be having work done to improve the island, with the workers sell him out and will he be found by the press? Will he ever come back to me? Does he still love me? If he comes back will the attention be worse than ever?

My heart is breaking with worry. I love him so much and every day apart is so difficult. I take a breath. He wanted me to carry on at school. He doesn’t want my path interrupted by his. The urge to jump on a plane or charter a boat to find him is strong but I know he wants me to stay here, to study, to go to my job and work on the life I planned for myself.

I take a shower and slide into bed. I hug a pillow to my chest. I wish it was him. As always I wish him goodnight and imagine his arms are wrapped around me as I drift off to sleep. I dream about him most nights. Just simple dreams of hugging him close. I hate waking up.

I go to class, see Felix for lunch and then head to work. It is boring admin tasks right now and that is about all I can cope with so I’m thankful. Felix meets me when I finish with his roommate Troy, Blondie, Harry and Bobbie.

I look at them all in surprise.

“Why are you all here?” I ask.

“We have practice. Come on here’s your kit.” Blondie says.

“What?” I ask confused.

“Water polo. We have pool time at the old pool in half an hour.” Harry says.

“You two are talking to me?” I ask looking at Harry and Bobbie.

“Of course we fucking are. I might have broken up with Eric but I still like the rest of you.” Harry says.

“And I might have missed you all loads. I am so glad Felix suggested this.” Bobbie says.

“No I mean because.” I begin but Harry cuts me off.

“We do not believe you had anything to do with Alexander disappearing. Fuck me Peter we know you can be a dick but you would never do anything like that.” Harry says.

I smile at them weakly. Then more broadly.

“Can you even swim?” I ask Blondie.

“With all this blubber I float.” Blondie says laughing.

We walk over to the pool catching up on the summer. We swim laps and then do some drills. We are quite frankly useless, we are a ridiculous bunch, Harry and I are both strong swimmers and ultra-athletic but the others are a joke. Yet we have a great time and I don’t think about Alexander for the whole hour.

On the walk back I pull Harry aside.

“Thanks for what you said before but what happened the end of last year? Why wouldn’t you talk to Alexander after the Patrick thing? It’s not like we were closer than you were to him.” I ask.

“I wanted to but Eric kept warning me off. I didn’t ever believe he cheated on you. That was part of why I left Eric. I felt he was trying to keep me away from you guys, keep me for himself or something.” Harry says.

“Felix said you couldn’t handle the fame.” I say.

“That didn’t help. It was more I wanted to talk to you about how to handle it. I mean you and Alexander managed to deal with so much, even before things got crazy this summer. But Eric told me you guys hated me and I believed him. All over now, Bobbie and I are stronger than ever. You clearly don’t hate me and even if we never play a game today was fun.” Harry says.

“I’m so glad to hear that. Alexander thought you believed the worst and was so mad at everyone. I was lucky he forgave me.” I say.

“He loves you man. He’ll come back.” Harry says.

“Thanks. I hope so.” I say sadly.

I’m exhausted but need to crack the books. Blondie comes in again.

“You helped Brian train last summer. Do you think you could help me?” Blondie asks.

“You’re fitter than I expected. You need to watch your diet if you want to slim down.” I say honestly.

“I do. I really do.” Blondie says.

“How come?” I ask.

“Ha, how come because I still get guys as I am?” he laughs.

“I guess.” I reply embarrassed.

“Because of the sort of firms I want to work for. I’m already applying for internships this summer, I think I’ll have a better chance if I look better. Fitter. Not lazy.” Blondie says.

“Okay. We can eat and train together and see how you do.” I say happy to have something else to concentrate on.

Mart and John call.

“We don’t understand why you want us to stop looking.” Mart says.

“I think he doesn’t want to be found. Not right now.” I say.

“You noticed something in his statements?” John asks.

“Yes. I’m not certain but yes he has moved some money and so I think he was planning this. I mean he already deferred a year here. Maybe something happened that made him go sooner than he planned and that’s why he didn’t tell us.” I say.

“Are you sure? We trust you Peter, we know you didn’t do anything to him, I’m not suggesting that. Are you sure he left to get away rather than hurt himself.” Mart asks.

“I really do. I told you he talked a lot about taking a break. I can see he has money and so I’m less worried.” I say.

“Do you have any idea where he might have gone?” John asks.

“No.” I lie.

“And you’re sure we should stop looking?” Mart asks.

“Yes, I think we have to.” I say.

Mart and John exchange a look and I know they are just humoring me but I don’t push them.

I do another hours study and get some sleep.

The weeks go by, I go to class, to my job, play water polo and I study and study. I hang out with the guys. I even make an effort and go out and watch Eric dance a couple of times. Not that he’s talking to me but he likes the big crowd.

Eric is loving every minute of being a campus celebrity. He is being asked to talk to lots of societies and is always in the newspaper. He’s putting on a one man show as well as being in college productions and dancing in clubs. He is everywhere and getting more and more obnoxious.

At home he is a nightmare, dirty, messy, rude and loud. The others think it falls to me to sort it out. One Sunday I’m studying at the dining table when he comes in from a night out at around midday.

“You hook up last night?” I ask trying to be friendly.

“No I’m just back from the after party after the after party. So many parties.” Eric says.

I decide to bite the bullet.

“Given I’m bad for your rep and you’re getting all this paid work why don’t you move out?” I ask.

“I’m Alexander’s best friend, he asked me to look after this place, I can’t leave sweetie.” Eric says patronizingly.

“No Eric, I was being polite, I’m asking you to leave. You’re a slob, you’re obnoxious and getting on everyone’s nerves. The cleaner quit because you leave used condoms everywhere.” I say.

“Don’t be stupid Peter. If you try and get rid of me I’ll bad mouth you all over school. I’ll make sure the administration take it seriously that you had something to do with Alexander disappearing.” Eric says coldly.

“I met a lot of people this summer. I can do far more harm to your film career than you can to my academic one. So many shows want me as a guest I could come up with any number of stories about you.” I say.

“Are you insane? You’d never put yourself back in the spotlight.” Eric says.

“I would if it meant not having to live with you.” I say.

“It wasn’t just you who lost him. Just because I’m coping with it differently to you doesn’t mean I don’t miss him too. I need my friends around. I can’t lose you guys.” Eric says quietly.

“Then fucking act a bit more human. We’ve never been a party house, bringing people back in the early hours mid-week and turning on music or having loud sex all over isn’t on. You know it isn’t. How are you even getting through your classes?” I ask.

“I’m doing fine. I have a tonne of parts and I’m getting good grades.” Eric says steely.

“And how much of that is actually earned and how much are people kissing your ass thinking you can get them seen or something?” I ask.

Eric turns red.

“Just shape up. You’ve been awful blaming me for whatever has happened to Alexander. I needed a friend, especially one that was close to Alexander. I can’t believe you’ve been so cruel to me. So shit.” I say.

“Look I know it hurts you but someone has to say how suspicious you look. You were involved in so much shit this summer. My first priority is myself, then Alexander. You are not on the list. It might hurt but it’s true.” Eric says.

“Just keep out my way. Anymore obnoxious shit and you’ll have to find somewhere else. I’ll talk to your mom if I have to.” I say.

“You are such an asshole. It is no wonder Alexander left you.” Eric says.

“Seriously? Can you really afford to lose friends, do you actually have any?” I ask.

I feel like Eric is about to admit the truth to me. That he’s about to tell me this is all put on and he believes in me but he just leaves. I really don’t know what to do. I bet he is having a hard time on his course with all the attention he’s getting. This house is probably a sanctuary for him just like Alexander intended.

I finish up then head up to Eric’s room. Alexander is always able to forgive and I am certain Eric is just as unhappy as I am. He’s expressing it poorly but I need good friends right now.

“Hey I’m sorry for what I said.” I say pushing open Eric’s door.

Eric looks at me and shrugs.

“I know you miss him too. I don’t believe you really think I did anything to hurt him. If you did you’d hardly be living with me and you’d probably have pressured your mom not to work with me.” I say.

Eric shrugs again.

“Look I know everything is changing for you and maybe we don’t fit in to Eric the superstars life but I know for Alexander having friends outside the business was essential and well I miss you. Felix and Blondie are being great but they don’t know Alexander as well as you do.” I say, my voice catching as the pain of missing Alexander hits me hard.

Eric looks at me surprised I think. I’m not sure what else I can say. I can’t force him to be my friend. I’m not about to beg.

“I do miss him. I can’t believe he left without telling me. I can’t imagine how painful it is for you. I know I’m being a dick but I can’t be seen with you. You’re already the focus of half my talks and meetings. If I’m seen with you I disappear.” Eric says quietly.

“Great. You can’t even be friends with me at home in secret? You have to play the part full-time?” I ask incredulous.

“That is exactly it. I’m out from Alexander’s shadow I don’t want to be in yours.” Eric says.

“I hope your career has peaked and you never make another movie.” I say bitterly.

Alexander has the worst taste in flakey friends. I need some real ones of my own. This group sucks.

I study and contemplate killing Eric in his sleep.

In the shower I run the water so hot it’s barely tolerable, my skin is pink and feels like it might peel off. I feel good, feels good to feel anything other than the loss I feel all the time. I need sex. I need to feel physically desired. I need to have fun. I need to feel anything but this aching loss.

I want to stay faithful to Alexander. I do. I don’t find anyone else remotely attractive right now. Any films and pictures I used to use to get off do nothing for me right now. It’s so frustrating. I don’t want to think about him every time. I’m so mad at him for the way I feel which leaves me more and more frustrated.

I write my weekly email telling him what a dick Eric is and how blue my balls are. Maybe he’d like to come home and help me out. Or at least tell me I should move on.

I slip into bed and as usual I instantly imagine he is with me. It’s like I’m sleeping with a ghost. How can he love me when he’s left me so messed up? How can he do this to me? Why is he doing this to me? Were things so bad for him that this was the only solution? Did our last fight make him go away sooner?

I shake my head and get rid of all the stupid questions I’m always going through. I change position and again his imaginary arms are soon around me helping me sleep and stopping me from wanting to wake.

A couple of weeks later I bump into Alexander’s English professor.

“Peter isn’t it, Alexander’s boyfriend?” He looks at me slightly confused.

“Yes, although not sure if I keep the boyfriend title with him gone.” I say.

“No word from him? No idea where he went?” Prof asks.

“Nothing. I don’t suppose he contacted you? Were you in touch this summer before he went?” I ask ever hopeful.

“He emailed me about the plays you guys saw in London and asked for my thoughts on his plan to work there. Nothing after that I’m afraid.” Prof says.

“Well that was something. Always god to hear he was talking about the future. Did he ask you about classes at all?” I ask wondering if he had any plans to continue with his studies.

“No, I’m sorry he didn’t.” Prof says.

“Thanks. If you ever do hear anything or remember anything he might have said that gives a clue to his plans.” I say drifting off.

“Of course I would tell you. I am sorry for what you’re going through, this isn’t like him. I was with him after his Mom and the press intrusion then was very, very difficult for him. It looked like you faced similar this summer. I’m not surprised he took off but I’m surprised at the way he did it.” Prof says.

“That is exactly it. Everything was too much and he needed a break. I didn’t know he meant from me too.” I say sadly.

“He won’t have thought of it that way you must know that. He will think he was saving you from having to deal with it. He used to try and protect his dad too. It’s the way he is. He doesn’t always see all sides.” Prof says.

“Thanks. I keep thinking things like that on good days but I don’t have many good days.” i admit.

“Next week come and see me in my office. I’ll show you his emails just in case you think there is anything significant.” Prof says.

“Thanks. I’d like that.” I say meaning it, I get that he’s reaching out, he could just forward the mail.

So the following week I pop in to see him just at the end of his office hours hoping he doesn’t have a class after.

I look around his office and laugh. Imagining Alexander here all worked up like he was the last time.

“What’s so amusing?” Prof asks.

“Uh Alexander told me what happened last time he was here.” I say with a big grin.

Prof looks at me a little worried.

“Don’t worry. I would never say anything to anyone and I know Alexander was in here as a friend not a student that day. Your office is amazing, like something out of Harry Potter.” I say.

“Thanks. It’s all a bit stark over in physics in that new building. Though come summer I wish I had that modern air con.” Prof says becoming at ease.

“And in winter we wish had your fires however impractical. Are you allowed to light them?” I ask looking at the fire place and wondering if I should switch majors.

“Yes, smokeless fuel is allowed. Makes the place very cozy. In winter it’s a real effort to go home. Now here I printed these out. Nothing out the ordinary. He asks about a few writers and texts.” Prof says.

I quickly read through and see nothing giving any clues. Not that I really need them I know where he is. I just wish I knew more of the why.

“He was so excited and inspired by what we went to see. We met with a producer and director who liked him a lot. Ah I see he told you. Did you encourage him to go for it or finish school first?” i ask curious.

“I told him to finish school and offered to help with an independent study on new writing. You are right he was inspired and I wanted to help harness it. Work with his writing as well as his understanding of others works. I thought it would help him have a long stage career if that was what he wanted.” Prof says.

“Thanks. I do wonder if both of us urging him to stay at school and the people in the business telling him he should capitalize on his opportunities lead to him being so secretive.” I say.

“Maybe or maybe for a smart guy he just isn’t always that smart and he was so down he didn’t expect anyone to care that he’d gone. I really believe he was just being single minded about it and didn’t think things through.” Prof says.

“But surely he’d realize what he’s done and just call me, write, something.” I say.

“I can’t answer that.” Prof says.

I look at him, into his kind eyes and see why Alexander loves him so much.

“Was he like that as a kid?” I ask.

“Sometimes. He always wanted to protect everyone. Saw his mom’s death as his fault. i imagine the murder of your assistant this summer will have been very very difficult for him. Especially as i put you in the position his dad was in with the photographers and intrusion.” Prof says.

“It was crazy. I never expected so much attention. I know it brought back bad memories for him.” I say.

“He’ll come back. He’ll have written something amazing and not realize how much time has gone by.” Prof says.

“Thanks for these.” I say indicating the print outs. “I have to go to work. It was nice to talk to someone who knew him well.”

“For me too. Drop in any time and let me know if you hear anything.” Prof says.

We stand up and as I’m about to leave he pulls me close into a hug.

I enjoy the friendly contact and sink into his arms for a moment too long. I squeeze his hand as I leave. He’s really hot and so smart, no wonder Alexander got hard in there. I feel myself chubbing up a little and enjoy the feeling.

Two weeks before Thanksgiving I get the best news. Tom is coming to visit. He is doing some promotion for his show in New York and can spend the weekend with me afterwards. I have a smile on my face for the whole week in anticipation. The rest of the house think I’ve gone nuts.

At first everyone seems happy that I’m cheerful for once. Then the digs about who I’m getting it from start and turn into mutterings about how quickly I’m over Alexander. It all gets me down. We used to be friends and now we’re such a fractured bunch.

It comes to a head one evening when I walk into the kitchen and even Blondie and Felix look shifty and stop talking when I walk in.

“Come on get it all out.” I say.

“You’re cheating on Alexander and it makes us uncomfortable. It just feels a bit soon to move on.” Brian says.

“So in a room full of guys who have had overlapping relationships I’m the one moving on too soon.” I say shaking my head.

“No one thinks you shouldn’t move on but you’re not over him so you’ll only get hurt.” Felix says in a kinder tone.

“The thing is I’ve not moved on. As far as I’m concerned Alexander is out there taking his break and I’m waiting for him. I’m in a good mood because my friend is coming to stay this weekend and the thought of having a real friend around has cheered me up.” I say.

“We are your real friends.” Brian says quietly.

I just stare at him.

“You think we’re not your friends?” Jamie says slowly.

“Let’s not go there.” I say.

“No do, let’s get it all out.” Brian says.

“I checked in with you guys when I could this summer. None of you picked up the phone. Not even when I was in hospital did you send me a get well message. When Alexander went only Felix and Blondie reached out. Eric straight up accused me of murder in public and still won’t let it go. Tom has been there for me, he took me in when my world was falling apart and he looked after me. We message every day. He treats me normally. We talk about sports and men and food. He cares.” i say.

“Tom is coming here?” Eric says from the doorway.

I nod.

“Holy shit. No wonder you are in a good mood.” Eric says.

“Who is Tom?” Jamie asks.

“Hottest gay on the planet, with the huge arms.” Eric says and lists his TV shows.

“Well I guess that’s one way to get over Alexander.” Jamie says.

“I don’t want to get over Alexander. I never will and if you were my friend or cared a tiny bit about my life you’d know he was just a friend. As it is you two have cut us all out, refusing to lunch with us or work out together or bike ride. It sucks. I’ve lost my boyfriend and my closest friends all at once it just sucks.” I say.

“Well you started hanging out with Blondie, you chose your side.” Brian says bitchily.

“Blondie picked up the phone. He cared if I lived or died. I need people right now and he was there. You were still in a sex coma. Is that it, you won’t talk to any exes or anyone associated with them? Is that why Jamie dropped Felix as a friend and Eric is iced out too?” I ask.

Eric suddenly meets my eye and is grinning. I can see he’s instantly over whatever was going on and is back on my side.

“Come on Brian, why wasn’t it enough to steal my boyfriend? Why did you take my best friend too?” Felix asks.

“It’s my fault. I was jealous of Eric and Brian and asked him not to spend time with him. Plus we both felt so guilty about getting together so quickly and me dropping you.” Jamie says.

“I was glad you dumped me. I was ready to go back to being friends but I could never have dumped you, you gave so much for me, I’d have felt too guilty.” Felix says.

“And despite my reputation I would never have gone after Brian. He turned me down flat and I accepted that. We’d been friends for ages and to suddenly be iced out this summer hurt.” Eric says.

“You’re not exactly nice to know right now Eric and you disappeared for ages at the start of the year Peter.” Brian bitches.

“For fucks sake Brian we all want to be friends. Drop all the drama. If I can make an effort with everything I’m going through you can stop being such a fucking diva. Admit it you’re coming up for air and miss us, stop making us work for it when you’re at fault.” I scream suddenly sick of everyone. I really don’t need this shit.

“We felt so guilty about Felix and being so wrapped up that we didn’t even know Peter had been in hospital until after Alexander went missing. We’ve been too embarrassed to see you so just turned everyone down. I know you needed us and we weren’t there for you Peter I’m so sorry, we will do better. Eric I shouldn’t have left you hanging like that it wasn’t right we’ve worked so hard on being friends again and Felix we were just shits. I should have pushed Jamie to see you but I was selfish I wanted him for myself and Troy we just didn’t make the effort. I’m sorry.” Brian says slowly.

“Party Saturday night? So we can welcome Blondie and Troy to the house.” Felix says.

I run up to my room and grab some of Alexanders champagne.

Felix and Troy pop the bottles and we start toasting the new room mates and calming down. I pull Eric aside.

“Are we okay now?” I ask.

“Yeah I’m sorry. Being around you made me miss him more.” Eric says.

“I understand. Somethings are just difficult.” I say.

“I am sorry for being a total tool. I found a new cleaner they start next week.” Eric says.

“Thank fuck for that. I’ve got someone coming tomorrow to do a big clean before Tom arrives.” I say.

“He is so hot. Thanks for coming to see me dance. I know it’s not easy for you to be out in crowds.” Eric says.

“Safer than LA, they can’t get to me as quick and I used cabs to the door and left out the back with you.” I say.

“It’s still mad around school though isn’t it? People in class taking pictures and stuff. I can see why Alexander got so paranoid.” Eric says.

“It’s fine in class for me. I’m only doing physics, math and computing classes and most people know me. My study groups are cool, I picked out people who Alexander had worked with so I knew it would be okay. But some days I can barely walk across campus without phones in my face all the time. I thought people would be cooler.” I say.

“Yeah I mean I like some of it. But when I’ve had an early rehearsal and dance class and am looking like shit I could do without having to put on a smile.” Eric says.

“Heh at least I don’t have to be nice.” I say and we laugh.

We hug and drink our champagne.

Give it to me

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