On Monday morning we run and swim and fuck in the shower before I drop Peter at college for his meeting. I miss him dreadfully from the moment he gets out the car.
I go home and focus on getting the laundry finished and trying to make the house more homely. Peter still refers to it as my place and not ours and I can see why, it doesn’t yet feel like home. However much I had the décor done with us as a couple in mind it isn’t quite right. But we’ve barely lived in it yet, we need some joint purchases and some new pictures.
I wonder if Peter would do a engagement shoot with me. I’d love to do the full on cheesy hello style shoot but I’m pretty certain Peter would hate it. I’d settle for a few beach shots.
Now we’re engaged and back in the same city I feel completely different. I feel so settled and fulfilled and I feel so much more relaxed. My mind has totally adjusted to being his again and I love it. The part of me that was searching, settling and hiding is gone. Now I have what I want I have a deep need to create a perfect home for him to make sure he stays.
I’m not at all worried he’ll leave, I am absolutely secure in our relationship but I feel I need to make sure he stays not just for me but because our life and home is wonderful. I know it won’t be a Disney happy ever after but I’ll do what I can to make it pretty damn amazing.
I make sandwiches and fill travel cups with coffee to have on the way to LA and head to the college to collect Peter. I am so excited, after just a few hours apart it’s ridiculous. I’ve never yearned for a pet or a child but being back with Peter has brought out my nurturing side.
On the drive I think about that first summer that he toured with me, how he’d help me get dressed and would make me bagged lunches and take such good care of me. I want to be like that for him. I want the spotlight to shine on him, let him be all he can be. He’s doing such an amazing job of that without me, he’s so smart and so sexy that people want to pay attention. I know it’s that attraction that Blair will be looking to exploit.
“Hey baby. Thanks for picking me up. Shall we go to a drive through?” Peter asks as he climbs in the car.
“No here.” I say handing him his sandwich and pointing him at the coffee.
“You are spoiling me.” Peter says kissing me and squeezing my leg.
“I am just treating you how you deserve my prince.” I say.
We chat about his meeting and the things he’ll be working on in the next few months. I love hearing him talk about work. My brain begins to creak into gear as he describes things. I read everything he published when we were apart, my way of maintaining a tiny view into his mind even if I couldn’t bring myself to talk to him.
“Maybe you could help me with the math.” Peter says.
“Oh I’m sure you know others more qualified, I doubt I could cope.” I say.
“I’d love to have you in a couple of afternoons, it would be fun. I used to love studying with you, you’re so much smarter than me.” Peter says.
“I’d love to see more of you. I missed you dreadfully this morning.” I admit.
“I missed you too. One weekend wasn’t enough, I crave your company all the time. I need Alexander hugs every hour at least.” Peter smiles sending my heart soaring.
“I am going to miss you far too much when you’re at work all day.” I admit. I worry about just how clingy I’m coming across but right now I need to be honest.
“You’ll soon find yourself a project and barely notice I’m gone.” Peter says.
“Right now you are my project.” I say.
“I need a lot of work. Despite missing me this morning you seem really happy. You’re an all new Alexander no ice-man all sunshine.” Peter says.
“I have everything I could ever want.” I say.
“I love this new sweet Alexander.” Peter says.
“You love me sweet or sour.” I say.
“I do, are we practicing our vows right now?” Peter laughs.
“You best be writing down these ideas.” I laugh.
“I do love you very much, I love how happy you are. This is the best you’ve been coming off publicity rounds. Or did you just get used to them while we were apart?” Peter asks.
“I had you to come home to and no other work to deal with. I don’t have to pretend to be keeping it together because I actually am. I am living my dream.” I say.
“I hope your dream life is real life. I worry I won’t fit in your perfect world.” Peter says.
“And I thought your self-esteem was picking up.” I say.
“I’m just not where you are yet.” Peter says.
“You will be. We’ll get you better I promise.” I say meaning it.
“I have therapy on Thursday after work.” Peter says.
“Good. I’m glad you’re still working on things.” I say.
“You help a lot. Loads, taking me back, wanting me, making us a priority. I know some things are good timing like you planning to take a break from work but I do feel you’re choosing us.” Peter says.
“Baby I am. I’m choosing to be happy. I will never, ever throw us away for a job again.” I say.
“I know. I trust you.” Peter says.
I love sneaking looks at him, I love when he squeezes my leg or arm. I love how cute he still looks. I pull off the freeway and stop in a McDonald’s parking lot.
“What’s up?” Peter asks worried.
“I just need some Peter loving.” I say climbing into his lap and straddling him. It’s a crazy tight fit but I need some kisses. I cover his face and he laughs and tries to kiss me back. Peter opens the door and we almost fall out. He pushes me against the car and kisses me hard. I wrap my arms around his neck and melt into him, I could stay like this all day.
“All mine.” Peter says kissing my neck.
“All yours.” I say. Despite Peter’s lack of confidence he has the upper hand right now and I couldn’t be happier at the situation. There is nothing I won’t do to keep him. I am still mad at myself for fighting with him before our trip. I should never have let it go so far, I was so stupid pushing him like that. Nights apart when we have no real reason to be is never going to be okay. I always need to be with him.
“Come on we’ll be late.” Peter says giving me a final kiss and jumping me out of my daydreaming.
At Blair’s we go straight into his inner office.
“Congratulations. When is the big day?” Blair asks.
“Small day.” Peter laughs.
“Thanks. We’ve not nailed down a date yet but I want to do it very soon.” I admit smiling.
“Alexander can’t wait.” Peter laughs.
“It’s been a very long time coming and I’m really pleased for you. So to business, Peter your tour was a huge success, for something that was just meant to be a small book promotion you turned it into so much more and your publishers are delighted, get on with finishing up the other titles.” Blair begins.
I look at Peter. I am so proud of him, I am delighted that he’s getting this appreciation.
“Thanks, I missed this one but I also had a great time.” Peter says.
“Next time I go too, no question.” I say and Blair laughs.
“So you’re back at work but there is some flexibility to come up and film a few slots?” Blair asks.
“Sure, I’m not teaching until May so I can. Is there anything?” Peter asks and Blair tries not to laugh.
“There is a lot Peter, you knew there would be. First up the advertising, I’ve weeded most of it out but I think you’ll go for these two. They are both looking for you to be spokesperson, full advertising campaign plus some school and promotional appearances.” Blair says tossing some brochures at us.
“I like the electronics, I’d love to work with them, I had some of their stuff when I was a kid. I’d need to look more closely at the software. What do you think honey?” Peter asks.
“I wish I got offers of this quality. I might get paid shitloads to push coffee in Asia but I never get great things like this. I think you should go for both of them.” I say honestly.
“Are you up for working together on something like this?” Blair asks.
“Yes.” We reply together. Peter squeezes my hand and smiles.
“I could get one of the promotion team to pitch something.” Blair says.
“I’d really like that. Is anyone pitching a show for Peter?” I ask.
“Yes but I want to see how the tour recording is received. I’d prefer to keep Peter’s name out there with the products and the odd guest appearance build up more name recognition.” Blair says.
“We’ve not talked yet but when, well if Peter agrees, when you’re closer I want in, I want to produce.” I say.
“Okay well you’d need to pitch just like any other producer, get something together.” Blair says.
“I wouldn’t do it without Alexander.” Peter says quietly.
“I hope you two are not going to be difficult.” Blair laughs.
“Other things how do the two of you feel about doing couple spots on cooking shows and the like?” Blair asks.
“I’d do one or two but not too much. I want to support Peter and help build his career if that is what he wants but I prefer not to do too much as myself on tv.” I reply.
“I don’t want to do any of that, just things related to my books.” Peter says.
“Okay, worth a shot. Celeb versions of difficult quiz shows?” Blair asks.
“Yes.” I say.
“Now the most difficult. Eric and Max’s reality show pilot was well received in testing. They have a full season order and there is already talk of season 2. Would you agree to appear?” Blair asks, he cannot be serious.
“No!” we both shout. Peter looks terrified.
“Would you consider doing the end of season studio show so you can refute anything said about you during the show?” Blair asks.
“No.” I say sternly.
“But…” Peter begins and I cut him off.
“But what baby? No way are we having anything to do with that.” I say.
“No but if there is still interest in us as a couple we could do an interview with a different network to fall in with the show starting, and give our version on there. It would be our first couple interview and the only time we would talk about it.” Peter says.
“I love that idea.” I blurt out and Blair laughs.
“I do too. I’ll see what we can do.” Blair says.
“Is that it?” Peter asks.
“I have a couple of things.” Jay says sticking his head round the door. I’m annoyed he didn’t even knock.
“Alexander I have a couple of scripts for you. This is all way in the future stuff so don’t panic I’m not trying to cut your time off short.” Jay says.
“Thanks. Um actually as Peter and I will be doing more things together it would be better if we had the same representation and as Peter isn’t comfortable with you Jay.” I say letting it hang in the air and bracing myself for the fallout.
“I’m always professional.” Jay says shocked and hurt.
“You two were fucking.” Peter says coldly, I hate how hurt he is.
“Oh come on there’s been nothing for years.” Blair says.
“It was right before we got back together so I’ve been waiting for Jay to pull one of his stunts.” Peter says.
“Are you fucking kidding me? There is a no fucking the talent clause in your contract because we want to avoid situations like this.” Blair screams at Jay. Peter looks utterly terrified.
“Uh we should go.” Peter says.
“I am so sorry guys. I’ll call in a couple of days once negotiations are further along. I can promise you that there will be no stunts from Jay, Peter you do not have to worry about that at all.” Blair says and we leave quickly.
“Shit do you think he’ll fire Jay?” Peter asks once we’re in the car.
“No but I expect Blair will reshuffle a bit and Jay will be in Siberia for a while.” I say.
“Shit I shouldn’t have said anything. He’ll be really after me now.” Peter says sounding utterly defeated.
“Baby you are a hit, if Jay so much as breathes at you he’ll never work again, Believe me between us we could make some serious money for Blair and he won’t let Jay fuck that up.” I say hoping it’s true.
“Want to go for ice-cream before we drive back?” Peter asks.
“What is with the sweet tooth again? I’d love to baby.” I say laughing.
“Do you know somewhere?” Peter asks.
“Sure, I’ll drive.” I say.
We have to stop for pictures on our way in, we smile, hold up our rings and play the game. We don’t answer any questions.
“I’ll have the strawberry sundae and a hot chocolate please.” Peter says to the waitress.
“A scoop of vanilla and a coffee thanks.” I say laughing.
“You’re not working, we’re running and swimming, you can let go sometimes.” Peter says once she’s gone.
“I’m not you. Food will always be a thing with me I think.” I sigh but he’s right, he loves my body but if it changed a bit he’s be happy. I love his leaner muscles but would be still find him hot if he was fatter, or skinnier or more muscular.
“Maybe I’ll steal some of yours.” I say laughing.
“Maybe you will. I love you baby and I want you to enjoy life, I don’t mean stop looking after yourself but know when to take it easy a bit more, not food per se but anything. Don’t worry about your reputation so much, you were so stiff outside when the photographers came over. You can be you, not just for me but everyone.” Peter says.
“I thought I was doing pretty well at relaxing and letting go but I guess I save that for you, I’m still pretty tightly wound in public. I don’t want someone to take my picture eating something and then another with me looking fat and getting all that kind of shit.” I say.
“So what if they do? Honestly what will happen? You told me that I wouldn’t read any shit comparing me to Eric, it’s highly unlikely you’ll gain a gossip rag addiction on your time off.” Peter says and I burst out laughing.
“You are right the only person I care about is you. I will try and unbutton a little.” I say.
“No try, just do what makes you feel good.” Peter says.
“I love you too. Perhaps I need to find some fun weekend activities for us.” I say.
“Sounds like a good idea, though I will have to get on with my books too. I’ll not have enough time for you and I’m terrified I’ll make you unhappy.” Peter says.
“Baby you know as long as we’re in the same bed every night we’ll be okay. I will be your assistant you won’t have to worry about anything other than your work and me. You supported me so well when I was working when we were in college, my turn.” I say.
“It’ll be hard for me to adjust. I was used to being able to work all night when I needed to as Jorge didn’t like spending many week nights together.” Peter says.
“If you need to work all night I’ll be there making you coffee.” I say.
“We’re going to be okay.” Peter says quietly before kissing me quickly.
“Better than okay.” I say and Peter smiles and nods.
We eat up and Peter drives us home. I get to look at him the whole way and then hold him all night long. My Peter in my arms.