The week passes frustratingly slowly. I wake early to run and swim with Peter every morning, I make him coffee as he showers and fix his lunch. Little things that make me feel so good, so much closer to him.
I try and busy myself while he’s gone making the house more homely, I read the scripts I’ve been sent and work on a pitch for a show for Peter. Peter isn’t actually that keen at all but I figure it is going to happen and when it does I should be the one to produce it. I’ve been setting up a company ready and researching everything just in case.
I really like one of the scripts and Peter is really supportive ad encouraging. In a way he never has been with any previous film. It is a far better quality script writing wise and we both love the character. Were both excited by the opportunity, I have to hope I get it now.
It’s funny, he always said he knew me best and it’s true. He’s proved it over and over. It isn’t just that he knows what I like best he knows what is best for me and wants better for me. We would never have survived my blockbuster years together. He would have been miserable at me foe being away so much and miserable for me doing the sort of work I didn’t want to.
It’s been nice to be able to think things through so clearly. I am so lucky to have this time off and to have Peter coming home to me every night.
Not so nice is dealing with a lot of shit from Jay, heaps of vile texts and voicemails. I barely turn my work phone on. I am ignoring him and not telling Peter who will worry too much. I wish he’d never been my roommate, that I’d been able to keep it in my pants that first day, that I’d been able to let it go and not pursued him for so long, I wish I’d never let him back in my life. I fucking hate him.
On Thursday Peter has therapy after work and I’m pacing the floor waiting for him, in part because I miss him so damn much but mostly I’m terrified his therapist will tell him he’s making a huge mistake going so fast with me. I’m scared he’ll come home and realize he’s making a huge mistake. I swear I have caught his low self-esteem. It’s not that I don’t think I’m right for him, I do, I am, I know I am. I just worry he might be persuaded to change his mind. I can barely last eight hours without him and can’t imagine life without him.
I sit by the window looking out, like a kid waiting for Santa. I open the door as he pulls up, excited he’s finally home.
“You’ve been looking out for me?” Peter asks as he kisses me hello.
“Guilty.” I say throwing my arms around him and enjoying a long sweet kiss.
“I count the minutes too.” Peter says kissing me again and running his hands over me.
“Really? I thought you’d be too busy to miss me.” I say.
“I miss you with every heartbeat. I love you. I’d much rather be with you than at work.” Peter says.
“Then quit and be with me all the time.” I say smiling.
“When I win the lotto.” Peter laughs. I smile but feel a bit upset, we have that kind of money. He’s so back and forth on accepting mine as ours.
“I hope that’s tomorrow. I made you ice cream. Do you want it now or dinner first?” I ask.
“You made ice-cream? Wow, you are amazing. You are really spoiling me.” Peter says with a big smile.
“I bought an ice-cream maker earlier, and made strawberry and coconut for you. You deserve to be treated like the prince you are to me.” I say and reach for more kisses.
“Dessert for dinner it is. I just need to shower.” Peter says.
“Okay, do you want fruit with it?” I ask reveling in the domesticity.
“Yes please baby. And baby I really do appreciate all the effort you’re making for me.” Peter says.
“Let me hold you a minute before you go.” I say pulling Peter close and breathing him in.
“I’ve waited all day for your hugs.” Peter murmurs into my ear.
“How was therapy?” I ask once Peter comes back and starts eating.
“Good, it was good. Not really enough time to cover everything from Jorge’s breakup through to our engagement. It had been a while.” Peter says not giving me enough info.
“Did they tell you to drop me?” I ask curious.
“It doesn’t work like that. It’s about me finding the answers not being told what to do. But even if they did, I’d drop them before I drop you. You know how I feel.” Peter says firmly.
“I do, I just worry.” I say.
“This ice-cream is delicious. You’re super talented.” Peter says smiling.
“Thanks baby. It was pretty easy. It’s okay if you don’t want to talk about it. I just need you to know that you can.” I say.
“I know. Baby right now I’m pretty fucking happy. I have you and we have a beautiful home, I have a good job and my books are a success. You have a terrific movie in the pipeline and we’re planning our wedding. Life is fucking amazing and I appreciate every moment. I feel stronger, my mood has lifted and I believe I deserve to be this happy, that I deserve you. I am in the best place I have been since we broke up. Peter says holding my hands and making me feel so happy.
“I think I’m happier now than back then, knowing you are mine for good, for real. I feel in control now, not of you but of my life, my career. I really do get to make choices now.” I say.
“You do. You don’t have to choose between me and work again because I won’t let you go.” Peter says.
“I know. You are really going to protect me.” I say.
“Were lucky, were not the ones that got away, we’re the ones who came back.” Peter says smiling.
“What shall we do at the weekend?” I ask.
“I think we need some romantic time, walk on the beach and a picnic and lots and lots of naked time.” Peter says.
“Sounds perfect. Am I smothering you?” I ask.
“No baby, I want lots of Alexander time. I cannot get enough of you.” Peter says.
“Everything is still so new I keep second guessing things even though you show me every day how much you want me,” I say sheepishly.
“Do we have any chores we need to do?” Peter asks focusing us back on the weekend.
“I want to buy some bed linens and towels to make this place more our and we need to get some better outdoor stuff.” I say.
“Well I finish at 12 tomorrow, pick me up and we can go shopping then and out for dinner after.” Peter says.
“Okay. I do really, really love all the normal stuff. I never had it and always wanted it.” I say.
“You’ll never have the quiet suburban life you crave, but we’ll do what we can to have a stable home. I think that is what you want. I feel bad that even that is on hold while I’m working. We don’t know if here is where we’ll stay.” Peter says.
“I like it here. It has all we need.” I say.
“I like it too but it hasn’t always been a happy place for me.” Peter says.
“I’m sorry baby. But for now it is home and we’ll be here for a year or so and so putting down roots seems like a great idea to me.” I say.
“It is. I just worry.” Peter says.
“Stop. We can work it all out together.” I say.
“I know. It’s just a little hard to adjust to remembering that I don’t have to do everything alone.” Peter says.
“I get that. I love that I can be there for you and that you can lean on me.” I say.
“Is it okay if we have Felix and Harry for dinner on Sunday and the parents next weekend? They want to talk about the wedding. I promise I won’t let them run the show, you get what you want.” Peter says.
“Both sound fine I guess. I want lots of alone time with you but I guess they’ve not seen you much in the last couple of months either. I have to learn to share if I want a family.” I say.
“I promise we will have lotsa alone time too. We have forever.” Peter says.
“Yeah we do.” I laugh feeling good. I know we can’t be hermits.
“Have you thought about our names when we get married?” Peter asks surprising me. I though he was leaving all the wedding stuff to me and hasn’t shown much interest.
“Black Emerald sounds perfect to me. I want us to have both names. I want to change my name professionally too, I’m too fucking old to be Sandy Green.” I say.
“Alexander Black Emerald is a very sexy name.” Peter says.
“So it Peter Black Emerald.” I say.
“Bed, bed, bed.” Peter says laughing and pulling at my clothes.
The next day I take Peter to work, I try and keep him in the car as long as possible kissing him goodbye. I am so possessive of his time right now. I go back home and undress and get back into bed, enjoying the smell of him left behind. I can still feel him inside me from this morning’s sex. Ahh fuck I love being with him. Love his cock, his hands, his tongue.
I make myself get up and start making calls to arrange meetings for the upcoming weeks. I can’t just sit around waiting for Peter even though that is all I want to do. I know he’s happy if I’m happy but I also know long term he’ll get tired of me just being a househusband. I need to get out more whether it is work or a hobby, I need something to talk to him about over dinner.
I pick him up at 12. We find some outdoor furniture we want and place an order. Then head to the mall to find the linens, I know I could have shopped without Peter but I want him to be involved, so it really feels like our bedroom in our home.
“Lets have bright colors, oranges, turquoise, cheerful stuff.” Peter says.
“I love the idea, I’m tired of grey.” I say.
We wander round the stores holding hands and we don’t get any hassle, it is pretty quiet.
“Let’s go in here.” Peter says pulling my hand.
“We do not need more underwear.” I say laughing.
“Well we always do but not that robes, we need new robes to make us feel more at home. I hate wearing one that my ex has seen.” Peter says.
“I much prefer you naked but okay I love the idea of matching robes.” I say.
“Who said anything about matching?” Peter asks laughing.
“Always you know me.” I laugh and Peter joins in.
“Now it is nearly dinner time, come on.” Peter says.
“Where are we going?” I ask.
“Same place we went on our first date. We didn’t get to finish it so we get a do over. I booked a table and a cab, we just have time to get home and change.” Peter says.
“I’m supposed to be organizing this stuff.” I say.
“You have been amazing all week, taking care of me and making me feel so loved. This is my thank-you.” Peter says.
I smile and kiss him and enjoy the feel of his lips, his stubble against my cheek.
We unload the car, washup and change quickly.
“Can you take our picture?” I ask the driver when he arrives.
“Sure thing.” He says taking the camera off me.
We pose for a few before heading off. I love holding hands with Peter in the back, talking about what we see all the way.
“Can I get a picture with you and some autographs?” The driver asks when we pay him. I love that he wants both and not just me and that he knows who Peter is.
“It’s a caviar and champagne night.” Peter says as we get seated.
“Are we celebrating something?” I ask.
“Yes we’ve survived a week and the rest of my book series got official pickup and I got a nice advance to finish off.” Peter says.
“Great stuff baby. I am super proud of you.” I say.
“I’ll be busy. I am really sorry but I will find it hard to get it all done while still working at school. I will make sure you are my priority always but it will be hard. I want to get done ahead of schedule so I can be all yours.” Peter says.
“I love you. I told you I’ll be there pouring the coffee, making the midnight run for redbull. Whatever you need.” I say
“You can’t waste your time on me.” Peter says.
“If you are okay with it I can. I know what you and your schedules are like and how miserable you’ll be if it doesn’t go to plan. I’ll be here to pick you up, to relieve tension and to talk you down when you are punishing yourself.” I say feeling calm, feeling needed.
“You know me.” Peter says quietly and I smile.
We order and enjoy our meal without any drama. I ask the waitress to take some pictures. I’m building up these engagement pictures by stealth.
“What’s with all the pictures?” Peter asks.
“We don’t have many of us and I want some. We’re hot baby we need to immortalize that together.” I laugh.
“Okay. I’m not objecting, it is just so different to you in college avoiding every picture, ducking out whenever anyone held up a phone.” Peter says laughing.
“I am different now. No hiding. Did you talk to Tom yet about dates?” I ask.
“Yes, this November or next May are both good for him. May would fit in with me finishing school but I get it might be too long away for you.” Peter says.
“Okay I’ll work with those and see. May would be better I just wish it was this May.” I admit.
“We can always just grab a weekend and go to Las Vegas.” Peter says laughing.
“Don’t joke, I’ll take you up on that.” I say.
“Could be fun, fly everyone out, do the cheesy chapel, stay in a crazy suite and dance the night away at a megaclub.” Peter laughs.
“I’d do it.” I say.
“Don’t worry. I want you to have the beach ceremony and all the magic you are dreaming of.” Peter says.
“You are my dream.” I say.
“Well if you decide you want to do things sooner, more locally it’s okay with me. Whatever you need.” Peter says.
“I love you Peter, so much. I’d marry you tomorrow.” I say.
“You’re so cute, so sexy. I am so lucky.” Peter says and I’m too choked up to reply. I’ve turned into an emotional sap since we got back together.
We take our time enjoying the evening air, when the cab comes I ask them to drop us at the beach instead of the house and we walk hand in hand, getting our romance on.
“This is where it all started again. We didn’t know it. We didn’t know we were getting back together. But sat here, you being the one that showed up for me, it had to happen.” I say.
“We owe Harry and Bobbie for that shitty night. It was that night that lead to my breakup with Jorge, you confirmed you had to get divorced and we realized we still had a spark.” Peter says.
“We do. We really do. I know we’re kind of on Harry’s side but can we help them out? You said the divorce is being held up by the financials. Can we fix it?” I ask.
“I’m kind of unhappy rewarding Bobbie for being a cheating shit but you could pay him to go away I expect no problem and it would help Harry move on. But it isn’t like you like Harry much either.” Peter says.
“I feel generous today. We’ll ask Harry on Sunday.” I say feeling thoughtful. Basically my money has been accumulating and while I do try and give to charities and help my friends I really don’t get that much enjoyment from it. I know I’m absurdly privileged and I’m grateful but I’m also ready to go a bit wild. Showering my frenemies is a start.
Peter slips his arm around me as we sit on the sand. I lean into his shoulder and sigh.
“You can’t fix everyone. I know you want to spread your happiness but we have had years of being miserable when they were happy and they didn’t help us. I know you are a rise above type and you don’t give to receive. I’m just saying be careful, I know I’ve let you down before and you forgave me so I shouldn’t say you should cut people off but please cut people off.” Peter says.
“Is this about Jay?” I ask.
“Yes, I take it he’s been sending you the same shit he’s sending me?” Peter asks quietly.
“You too?” I ask dejected.
“He called my work to shout at me, which was way, way over the line. I called Blair, I felt like a 5 year old telling tales but I will not be broken by his shit.” Peter says.
“I’m sorry I got you pulled into my shit again.” I say.
“I was prepared. I was surprised you hid it from me.” Peter says.
“You hid it too, you were waiting for me?” I ask.
“It only happened today and I didn’t want to spoil our date. I just worry that you are still too nice, too trusting. I know I have benefitted from that but hell I give back to you and I don’t know that anyone else has.” Peter says.
“But how do we make friends now? We can’t know anyone is genuine.” I say.
“Better to have no friends than shit ones.” Peter says.
We walk home together slowly. I need to trust Peter. I know he isn’t isolating me, he is looking out for me. He’ll weed out the fakes and if they’re all fakes I still have him.