I join Blue for yoga first thing. I love it, already I feel my body is under my control, I’m growing more flexible and I love the way Blue is helping me with my anxiety. I am doing far more than I ever thought possible and making so many friends in such a short time.
Of course I have a crush on Blue, I would never do anything about it because he is such a good friend already. I’ve too many hang-ups left from the rapes and bullying at prep and Blue deserves a straightforward great guy.
“You are so much better at this already. How do you feel?” Blue asks.
“I feel pretty amazing Blue Sky. You seem tense though.” I say.
“I am a bit. Glad it is Friday, I will be getting outdoors whatever the weather this weekend.” Blue says.
“Nature boy missing his forest and lake? I love the indoors, in my room, headphones on, no one bothering me. I could not be you with your chickens and sailboat.” I laugh.
“Hey chickens are great, they all have different personalities.” Blue laughs.
I love that we can tease each other and maybe flirt a little. He makes me feel so normal.
“How come you didn’t go for a more rural campus?” I ask.
“I need to try different things to learn what I do and don’t like. Plus if I was at a school with lots of outdoor activities on tap I might not study at all. Plus I wanted to meet guys.” Blue laughs.
“Is there a particular work-study-server guy that has you tense today?” I ask as we walk down to breakfast.
“No, maybe, I don’t know.” Blue says flustered, giving himself away.
“Oh we missed you two on Tuesday. You should come to our afternoon tea and games this Saturday.” Brad says as we load up our plates.
“What sort of games?” I ask.
“Old board games, risk, clue, whatever. It is a low key getting to know you event. One where we can all hear each other speak. We’ll have club nights and bar visits later in the semester, we try not to compete with the frat parties early on.” Brad says.
“Where is it?” Blue asks.
“Here take a flyer.” Brad says.
“Maybe I’ll see you there.” Blue says with a smile, the closest he’s come to returning Brad’s advances.
“I hope so. We have tofu scramble today, do you want some?” Brad asks managing to make tofu sound suggestive.
“No thanks, I’ll stick to pancakes.” Blue says totally oblivious to Brad’s interest.
“He is so into you.” I say as we sit down.
“I think he’s just friendly. We’re going on Saturday though.” Blue says.
“Okay, I guess I owe you about a million favors already.” I say with a laugh.
“You do not.” Blue looks at me confused.
“You’re teaching me yoga, you’ve taken care of me when I’m overwhelmed or rather you know when I’m close to the edge and whisk me away. You have been amazing. I’ve already done more things and met more people than I ever thought possible.” I say.
“A lot of broken people come to the yoga retreat I’m not saying you’re broken or judging you but you had that same scared, haunted look when we first arrived. My Momma is a big believer in giving people space to heal and she has a real talent for getting people back on their path. I don’t have her talents but I have learnt some things from her.” Blue says giving me a lot more insight into his life and motivation.
“I am broken, I went through 4 years of hell and the 14 before that were not exactly a picnic. You have been so great, you never push me to open up but I know that I can. I trust you so much. We’ve known each other just a few days but I know that if I call you in ten years ready to talk you’ll be there for me and that is so empowering for me.” I admit- a little embarrassed at laying it on so thick.
“You’ll be there for me too.” Blue says quietly.
I quickly get through morning classes. Head to the dining hall and get a bunch of takeout. Shut myself in my room, fire up my console and stick my headphones on. Bliss. I need to seriously recharge before tomorrow.
I wake alone and am a little sad. Robin left yesterday to visit Jenna. My crush on him is alive and hopeless. I’ve no idea why my brain latched on to him so fast when there are actual gay guys here.
I take advantage of having the room to myself, get out a dildo and give my ass the seeing to I wish I could have for real. Fuck I need to get laid, this v-Card is way too heavy.
I shower off and stretch a little as Spence comes out.
“Hey do you want to come and choose a TV with me today? I need a ride and I guess you know more than I do about what we need.” I say.
“Sure thing. I’ll just shower. Hey why don’t you go and grab us coffee and breakfast sandwiches and meet me at my car. Andy is going to sleep the morning away.” Spence says.
“Okay, see you downstairs.” I say. I get my things up together. I’m looking forward to this. Spence and I have had such a frosty start but he really cares for Gervais so we have at least that in common.
I go to the coffee place for the first time and grab what we need, hoping Spence likes what I get.
I m sorry we had a bad start last week.” I say as I get in the car.
“It’s fine, you were protective of Robin, it was good that he was standing up for I forget that we’re all equal here, I’m so used to it being my place my rules.” Spence says.
“You were a dick.” I laugh.
“I was.” Spence agrees.
“Are you as bored and me, Gervais and Robin in class?” I ask.
“Yes. It is so weird. The only place I was pushed last week was wrestling and I loved that. I’m supposed to be majoring in econ but I’m really thinking I’d love to be a coach or PT.” Spence says.
“I think you’d be good at that. Wresting or other sports?” I ask.
“Wrestling. I’m going to be volunteering for the gymnastics team though, for experience.” Spence says.
“Did you do gymnastics like Robin?” I ask.
“No but we were asked for volunteers to help with conditioning, and I thought why not? Maybe you could do some yoga sessions for both teams.” Spence says.
“That would be fun.” I laugh.
“I’m not joking. I’ve seen you work with Gervais.” Spence says.
“He’s great a tiny flexible natural.” I say smiling.
“Are you and he a thing?” Spence asks.
“No, we’re friends; I don’t think we see each other that way.” I say.
“You still like Robin? It’s not fair the way he treats you as a snuggle buddy.” Spence says.
“We both like it. I know nothing can ever happen.” .1 say.
“You shouldn’t find it hard to find someone or several someones if you’re not after a boyfriend.” Spence says.
“I do want someone, I really do. Not a forever someone but I’m so new I’d love someone to explore and share with. Like you had with Andy, he is your first boyfriend right?” I ask.
“Yeah, we were lucky we got to go through all our firsts together.” Spence says.
“I alternate between wanting to just get things over with and wanting to take my time with someone at a similar experience level. I don’t really want an older mentor boyfriend.” I say.
“I get that, from how much I know you so far I’d say hold out for the boyfriend.” Spence says.
“Thanks for being real with me. It is nice to talk to someone with experience in all this.” I say.
“No problem now lets go buy a big screen.” Spence laughs.
We walk through the electronics store and look at the options, we have a nice sized room and I know the others want something fancy. I guess I can afford it although it feels extravagant.
We find a reasonable deal that we’re both happy with and find a sale person.
“Are you sure you’re okay to get this?” Spence asks.
“Of course.” I say pulling out my card.
“We’re pretty lucky, but we live very simply. I like it.” I say.
“Hey I’d have traded in my allowance for a fulltime parent no question.” Spence says as we lug the big box to the car.
“Must have been pretty lonely.” I say.
“Yeah it wasn’t easy, even though I had Andy and Robin to talk to it would have been nice to have an adult around too. But my parents are selfish and hey I’m pretty independent and I was able to live with my boyfriend fulltime.” Spence says trying to laugh it off.
“Any plans for the rest of the day?” I ask.
“I need to work out but nothing else.” Spence says.
“Gervais and I are going to Brad’s afternoon tea and games thing. Maybe you and Andy could come too.” I suggest.
“I think Andy would like that more than me, but yes we’ll come. I’d love to meet other out athletes. It’s weird I’ve been out and in a relationship for ages but I don’t know many other gay men.” Spence says.
“I think I was as excited to find gay friends as a boyfriend coming to college. I’m glad we’ve ironed things out. How do you not get over excited when wrestling?” I ask.
“Honestly Andy is the only guy for me. I see other guys checking me out but I’m not interested. Yes the muscles and lycra are erotic but I am so competitive sex is the last thing on my mind, until after then however tired I am I’m crazy horny.” Spence laughs.
We get back and setup the TV, it is pretty cool. We help move Jesse and his friends into a suite down the hall and some girls move up a floor. Everyone seems pretty friendly and open its like things are starting over in the dorm. We plan a hall party for Sunday evening.
Jesse decides to come with us to the tea, it’s clear he’s on the verge of admitting who he is. He and Gervais are getting on pretty well too which is nice.
“Grab me if you need to leave.” I say to Gervais quietly.
“I’ll be fine, you need to find someone cute to leave with not be stuck with me.” Gervais says. I squeeze his hand and let him go.
I feel pretty shy, the whole situation is so artificial to me. Andy sees his friend Elliot and introduces him to Spence and the three start talking. Jesse and Gervais are playing chess together.
I wander for a minute and make myself a drink slowly, looking round the room. I’m not the only one alone but I feel too shy to approach anyone just yet. Damn I wish this iced tea was spiked.
“Talent spotting.” Brad says approaching.
“Just hiding out.” I laugh.
“There are half a dozen guys checking you out. You should get out there.” Brad says.
“I thought this was a low key get to know you event not a meat market.” I reply.
“It’ll always be a bit of both.” Brad laughs.
“I thought you’d be mixing with all the new guys.” I say.
“Oh the committee have to greet all the new people. So here I am, greeting you.” Brad says rubbing my arm.
“I feel fully welcomed.” I laugh.
“So all I know about you is you are vegetarian, tell me more about Blue, like is that really your name?” Brad asks.
“Blue Sky Cloudy Day is my full name, you’re now in a very small club that knows that and are sworn to secrecy.” I say laughing.
“I promise to keep it zipped. I love it though. It doesn’t really suit you at all, you don’t look like a flowerchild or faded hippy.” Brad says.
“I have my moments.” I say not sure if I’m insulted or amused.
“What else? Whats your major?” Brad asks
“Undeclared, what about you?” I ask.
“Environmental science.” Brad says with a grin.
“Ahh so you’re the flowerchild.” I laugh.
“Nah, really its sociology.” Brad says and I nod.
“Do you play sports?” Brad asks.
“I’ve joined the climbing club and I do yoga but I’ve never even tried most sports, my school was too small for teams. You look fit but not sporty.” I say then feel embarrassed I said the wrong thing.
“I hate sports and working out so I watch what I eat and pray.” Brad laughs.
“Or watch what we eat. I imagine the dining hall puts you off eating.” I laugh.
“It isn’t so bad. You’re is one of the nicer ones. Don’t you like it?” Brad asks.
“It is very different to what I’m used to. I don’t think I’ll ever forget the taste of the awful eggs.” I say.
“Fair enough. I don’t mind it really, the smell lingers in my hair some days.” Brad says.
“Want to play something or are you meant to be welcoming other people?” I ask.
“Sure, doesn’t look like anyone else is left alone.” Brad says.
We sit and play chutes and ladders for hours just talking. He tells me how he campaigned for the safe floors and all the other things the group has done. He seems happy to do the talking. He’s kind of interesting, he’s cute but really not my type. Thing is he’s interested and I’m thirsty as fuck and so, so damn curious.
I thought I didn’t want an older guy, the idea of someone showing me the ropes is not really a turn on for me. But he’s right here.
“Want some help cleaning up?” I ask as the event drifts to a natural end.
Gervais left earlier with Jesse and I’ve no idea about Spence and Andy.
“Ah no we can leave the others to it, I was on setup duty. Let’s go to mine, I want to hear more about your tiny high school.” Brad says staring at my crotch.
I run a million scenarios through my head. I like him, he’s a nice guy, what isn’t to like? Its not like I’ll ever get Robin and I’d be fucking arrogant if I thought I’d find better really. Brad looks good, he’s smart and charming and it isn’t like he turns me off. I could do a whole lot worse. It would be pretty cool to have such a connected boyfriend. I like him.
“Sure, do you live on campus?” I ask.
“Yes, we lived out last year but it was so expensive and club leaders get good hosing options.” Brad says.
We walk over to his place. It isn’t far. I’m hella nervous.
His room is actually smaller than mine, I think Robin and I got really lucky with the corner room. It’s also old style on a corridor but obviously been refurbished recently.
“Okay it’s not fancy like your honors dorms but its pretty comfortable and the location is awesome, I’m so close to all my classes.” Brad says.
“Cool. I know my suite is pretty awesome, so glad I didn’t have to leave.” I say.
“That would have sucked.” Brad says sitting next to me on the bed, running his hand over my cheek and then his thumb over my lip. My stomach drops three floors down and I gulp.
Slowly he leans in and replaces his thumb with his mouth lightly brushing my lips, I barely move mine in reply before he’s moved away again, just looking at me. I look at him back. He is cute. I’ve been so blinded by Robin I’ve not really, properly taken Brad in, even spending all afternoon with him.
His lips are back on mine, small kisses each one pressing my lips further and further apart, he add small flicks of his tongue and I try and return the motion, leaning forward leading a few of the kisses. It feels good. I am super nervous but it feels good.
I suddenly remember I have hands and run them over his shoulders and chest as we continue to make out.
“You are so fucking hot.” Brad says as he bites at my neck. It’s weird. I’m excited but so scared I’m not feeling anything.
I brave running my hands over his crotch, he encourages me and before I realize what I’m doing his dick is in my mouth.
I start too fast then get a hold of myself and spend time exploring him with my mouth, my tongue. This is amazing, the first time I see another man’s dick, feel another man’s dick it’s in my mouth.
“Oh that is so good. Take it all. Take it all baby.” Brad says pushing the back of my head.
It feels good, tastes good. I can’t believe something is happening. The boom it’s over and he shoots his load without warning.
“Shit you’re too good, come here let me taste it.” Brad says pulling me up to kiss him, shoving his tongue in too far making me gag a second, more than his cock did.
We make out some more and he starts to unbutton my jeans. I’m too scared to be hard but it feels kind of nice. Then the door opens. I jump about 3 feet in the air, so embarrassed.
“Hey, you must be Blue, I’m Josh, Brad’s boyfriend. I see you got started without me. You were right he’s so hot.” Josh says.
Shit, shit, shit.
“What?” I ask scared to death.
“Don’t look scared, Josh and I often play around.” Brad says trying to kiss my cheek.
“I have to go.” I say and run out of there, not realizing that my dick is still hanging out until I’m halfway back to the dorm.
I feel so stupid. Of course Brad has a boyfriend. How could I not have asked him about it? Shit, shit, shit. I am so fucking naive. Such an idiot.
And what was that? A threeway setup in advance without asking me? Gross.
I run everything over and over in my head as I run up the stairs to my room. I wish Robin was here to talk to. As I pass though the living area all I can hear is fucking. Fuck sounds like Gervais got lucky as well as Spence and Andy being at it.
I shower for ages trying to wash all the humiliation away. At least it was only a blow job and I guess I’m not terrible at them given how fast he shot. I try and make myself feel a little better, even laugh at the situation but I still feel really, really stupid.
I go to bed wanting this day over with.