This week is better. I feel settled, I’ve stopped feeling like I’m on hold waiting for things to start. I take real pride in looking after the house and Peter. I love having the time to cook properly and the reward of the look on his face when I get something right is all I need. I love having time to read and write.
I spend hours laid in the sun reading play texts and I work through my muddles of notes from the past year and start forming ideas for my own plays properly.
I feel good. Running and swimming at the start of the day makes me feel so energized and happy. I could watch Peter run all day. We really need a house with a pool so I can watch him swim, though I think he loves the ocean too much to be satisfied with a backyard pool for long.
Wednesday I get ready for our double date. I get an outfit ready for Peter too. As much as I’ve hated being dressed by others I can’t help but enjoy thinking about how I want Peter to look, how I want us to coordinate. I never cared much about clothes, always let Peter shop for me but now I want to look great for him and make sure we look great together in case there are pictures.
It’s funny how my attitude to photographers is changing too. I hate being doorstopped, I’ll never get over the crowds but out and about I don’t actively avoid them anymore and I’m actually grateful for some of the pictures they have taken. Ones of me and Peter in London are some of my favorites ever. I hate that I was too paranoid to get decent pictures of our relationship.
I head over to the college early with the clothes and take them to him.
“Wow baby you look hot. Are you planning to steal Jasper from Felix?” Peter asks.
“Ah I only look half as good as you will. We’re going to dazzle everyone.” I say and kiss his cheek. Peter changes right there in his office, totally unselfconscious, even though he shares with 2 other guys.
“Sorry, this is my boyfriend Alexander, and these are Jackson and Isaiah.” Peter says making introductions.
“Hey good to meet you.” I say shyly and they murmur similar responses, barely looking up.
“Lets go.” Peter says grabbing my hand.
“They seem pretty miserable.” I say as we get back to the car.
“I know, I am not happy in my new office.” Peter says.
“They’re not who you work with?” I ask.
“No, my team are in 2 other offices but no room for me. I do feel a little excluded.” Peter says.
“I do wish you’d quit.” I say.
“I know but you can’t keep being jealous of my workplace.” Peter says.
“Oh I will, you know it.” I say laughing. I don’t understand why he stays when he isn’t happy. I know what Peter is like in happy research mode and he isn’t right now, he’s in annoyed work is butting into my day mode. If he was happy at work I’d be waiting until 10 for him to get home and he’s think it was 7. I have to stop pushing him, be grateful that he is home early most days and that he isn’t taking his frustrations out on us.
“What do you think this Jasper guys is like?” Peter asks.
“A big bear who dotes on Felix.” I say with a smile.
“I think that would suit him a lot more than Brendan. They were cute together but Brendan was stringing Felix along for ages, even before the affair. He kept creating more hoops to jump through.” Peter says.
We arrive first so sit and the bar and get a beer.
“Oh that is good. Why don’t we have beer more?” Peter asks downing his glass.
“Because I like champagne.” I laugh.
“My moviestar boyfriend, champagne, caviar and shellfish.” Peter laughs.
‘You rarely object.” I say.
“Better for my body to go along with your choices than make you go for my choice of burgers.” Peter says with a grin.
“We have burgers sometimes.” I say.
“We have probably had burgers once for every 25 times we have fish over the course of our relationships and I still love the way your face lights up when you see food you love on the menu.” Peter says.
“You shouldn’t pander to me.” I say.
“I love to see you happy.” Peter says kissing my cheek.
“I like your cooking best. You’ve not made me a burger since London.” I say.
“Really? I guess I didn’t cook much after we got back from there. Maybe I’ll make some next week. You’ve been experimenting with bread this week, have a go at burger buns.” Peter says.
“I will. I love how you push me, even if it is just a little.” I say.
“You are perfect as you are.” Peter says.
“So are you.” I say my arm slips around his back and he leans into me. Just as our second drink arrives so do Felix and Jasper. I feel Peter tense up.
Felix does the introductions.
“We’ve met.” Peter replies.
“When?” Felix asks.
“We had what I thought was a really great date but it must have been terrible as I couldn’t even get a text back after.” Peter says.
“Well now my boyfriend has made things utterly awkward shall we go in?” I say pushing Peter to the host stand.
We order and I figure I best start asking Jasper questions to stop Peter making things worse.
“You work at the college like Peter, which department are you in?” I ask glaring at my pouting partner.
“Computer engineering. I’ve been here since undergrad. I wanted to learn to surf which was a total bust but I fell in love with the place and so never left.” Jasper says.
“Where are you from?” I ask.
“Las Vegas. I wanted to go somewhere with good weather, the idea of an east coast winter was abhorrent to me, I got offers from some better schools but here was the lowest cost due to a decent scholarship, I thought I’d go somewhere better for graduate school but I just didn’t want to when the time came. I love my team here and my work, I like the kids I teach, yeah there are a bunch of lazy partygoers but there are lots who work hard too and I like that they’re not burnt out from pushing to get into somewhere super prestigious.” Jasper says.
“None of us were burnt out when we got to college. Well this one a bit but that was a lot more due to having no parents senior year and working all summer.” Peter says defensively.
“Yeah none of us lot were hot housed in, even me with my overly ambitious parents.” Felix says.
“I don’t get how you can judge other schools if you’ve only been to one.” Peter says.
“Man I thought we were on safe ground. What do you do for fun, given surfing didn’t work out?” I ask glaring at Peter and annoyed with Felix for not standing up for his new man.
I m a gamer. Look I’m sorry if this is super awkward. It is pretty intimidating to be here with the guy who has played a character I game. I’m really nervous.” Jasper says.
“Sorry, I’ll stop with the questions. I was trying to keep Peter from opening his mouth and making things more awkward, and I made it that way anyway. We love Felix and want to get to know you. The last thing we want is to make you feel uncomfortable.” I say.
“Yeah I’m sorry for being rude. Look I’m going to go. I’m sorry Felix but I don’t want to spend the evening with someone who dislikes me. Baby you stay, I’ll be pretty poor company at home.” Peter says walking out. I m sorry. He’s still pretty insecure after all the rejection he had here.” I say.
“Like you two know anything about rejection.” Jasper laughs.
“Babe, Peter had a really bad time dating when he moved here and Alexander is an actor who gets turned down professionally all the time. They both know way more about rejection than I do.” Felix says quietly.
“Please, tall, muscular, white guys are top of the gay heap. They are also rich and famous and can have anyone they chose. They don’t get filtered out for being brown or fat or fem.” Jasper says.
“So why ghost on Peter?” I ask.
“He’s just not my type. Usually guys lie about their height, I expected him to be 5’8 tops and he probably under estimated saying he was 6’2,” Jasper says.
“So why not tell him that? Why the silence?” Felix asks.
“He clearly wasn’t interested in someone like me, look at who he is with now. No way he could have been in to me. We had a great date, it was nice that he acted interested in me and I found it flattering but he’s way out of my league.” Jasper says.
“Thanks.” Felix says walking out.
I throw some money on the table and run after Felix.
“Want to go for a drink?” I ask.
“Yeah. I really thought he was great but he’s just a shallow dick. Who is he to say I’m not in the same league as Peter? Is he suggesting my height or race push me down?” Felix is steaming mad and I don’t blame him.
“You are smart, funny, solvent, run your own business, a great friend and incredibly cute. There are only 2 leagues in my book, good people and bad.” I say angry that my friend is hurt.
We walk into a bar a couple of doors down, I text Peter to let him know the night imploded.
“You know how many nights I had to listen to Peter trying to work out where he was going wrong? How I watched my confident, adorable, sexy friend lose his entire sense of self. Oh I know he was recovering from his breakdown but he had got himself out there with a great attitude and all he got was knockbacks from jerks like that. I deserve so much better than that insecure fuck.” Felix says.
“I feel so bad, you seemed really happy at the weekend. But tonight you were off with him from the start. Had you already had a fight?” I ask.
“No but when Peter said they’d met before I suddenly remembered. They met in a bar, I was there too with Brendan. So that height thing was bullshit They got on well all night I remember thinking it had been ages since Peter was with a taller guy, not since you I expect and how alike they were geeking out over apps and code and stuff. I thought Peter had met someone great. They had a date a few days later, Peter was all excited about it then nothing. I had to talk him out of going to see the guy at work. I’d
forgotten all about him, he didn’t have the beard then.” Felix says.
“Well I guess you’re best off out before you got too invested.” I say.
“Yeah. I knew I should be staying single.” Felix laughs.
“You should just admit that you want a husband, which is why you kept Brendan when he wasn’t treating you well. You do want to be settled down.” I say.
“I know, I’m just too cool to admit it.” Felix laughs.
“You’ll find someone. Peter and I were thinking of having an engagement party at home, low key. We’d invite people from his work and the afterschool program. I thought of inviting a few people up from LA, crew not actors. We’ll make sure to ask single guys for you.” I say.
“I don’t know if I’ll find someone who Peter hasn’t dated in this town.” Felix laughs.
“Or Bobbies has fucked.” I say.
“True. Man I am so annoyed. Knew it was too good to be true.” Felix says.
“Would you let him apologize? Maybe he was just insecure when around Peter sober? Maybe he’s okay really.” I say.
“No, he’s made jokes about our college before a few times. I guess I was willing to overlook a few things. Look thanks for the drink and letting me vent but you best get back to Peter.” Felix says.
“Yeah. I was pretty annoyed with him for being rude, sounds like he had grounds, I’ll have some making up to do.” I say heading home. I get a cab I can get the car tomorrow.
I find Peter sat outside on the deck watching the ocean.
“You okay baby?” I ask.
“Kind of. I am so glad I have you.” Peter says looking up and smiling.
“I am glad I have you too.” I say.
“Shall we order a pizza?” Peter asks.
“Chinese?” I counter.
Peter nods and smiles. I go inside and order. We eat outside not talking much but looking out to sea and at each other. Once done we cuddle up close and kiss a little.
“We got all dressed up for nothing.” I say.
“I got to see you looking hot all night, which is something.” Peter says.
“I got to watch you strip off in front your colleagues.” I laugh.
“They are both foul. I have to listen to them dissect their sex lives each week, though most of it must be fantasy as they have the charm of cockroaches. I thought I’d gay up the place for a minute.” Peter laughs.
“Hope they don’t complain about you.” I say.
“Me too. I’ll take in donuts tomorrow.” Peter says.
“I feel so badly for Felix. He seemed so happy at the weekend.” I say.
“He was and I go and stuff it up for him. I owe him more than donuts.” Peter says.
“He’ll be fine. I told him we’re having a party and will invite lots of men for him.” I say.
“Oh that is a lovely idea for Felix and Harry too. Hey Tom will be over in a couple of weeks and is single, can we have it then. He wants to come and stay, he has a premiere and has invited us.” Peter says.
“Did you forget to tell me and why wasn’t that an option for our wedding?” I joke.
“Yes I forgot. He has a fair bit on this trip I think. No time for a wedding. Baby it will happen, be patient.” Peter says.
“I am being patient. Actually I’ll nail him down with a date when he’s here and get everything booked.” I say.
“Then you’ll be much happier. I know you hate uncertainty.” Peter says.
I m certain about you.” I say.
“All yours forever.” Peter says kissing me.
We stay up late, wrapping a blanket over our shoulders when it gets cold. Happy to be together, happy, so, so happy.
On Thursday I am again pacing the floor waiting for Peter to return from therapy, just like last week I’m nervous and worried.
“How was it?” I ask as he comes in.
“Okay, I’m done.” Peter says.
“What?” 1 ask.
I m done. I know I’m still insecure and paranoid but I know every day with you I’m getting better. We are a gazillion times better at working on our issues than we were and I don’t feel like I need it.” Peter says.
“Okay. If you are sure. I’ll march you down there if you slip.” I say.
“I know you will.” Peter says hugging me close.
“Mmm you smell really good.” I say nuzzling his neck.
“Thanks baby, I try and be at my best for you. Now where’s my ice-cream?” Peter asks laughing.
“I don’t know if you’ve been good enough.” I say not letting him out of my arms.
“I can be as good or bad as you need.” Peter whispers, biting at my ear and neck.
“I attempted mint choc chip but I’m worried it’ll taste like toothpaste.” I say filling our bowls.
“It is really good. You are quickly overtaking me in the chef stakes.” Peter says.
“Nah but I love having the time to try and catch you up. I’m so glad last night didn’t turn into a fight.” I say.
“I was determined not to. I walked away before I got too mad and I was more than happy that you stayed with Felix, he’s been there for me so many times. Neither of us did anything wrong, not to each other at least. It really did make me feel so glad I never have to date again. You better live a long, long life.” Peter says laughing.
“I could never leave you. We’ll have to be immortal.” I say.
“You deserve treats. Want a massage when dinner goes down?” Peter asks.
“Yes. You are wonderful.” I say.
I m feeling so, so lucky.” Peter says.
Peter does the dishes and I enjoy watching him. I always love watching him. I slip to the bathroom and when I come out he’s waiting outside.
“Last night was so nice out here, we should use it more.” Peter says.
“Yes, who needs and island when we have this view.” I say.
“And no one can see us.” Peter says.
“What are you suggesting?” I ask.
“That you get naked and let me work on your back.” Peter says
“Sounds good.” I say kissing Peter hard.
Peter kisses me and undresses me and makes me lie on my front on a lounger. He throws his own clothes on the deck near my head so I know he’s naked too.
Peter starts massaging my shoulders and neck.
“Mmm feels so good baby.” I say.
“Your skin is so sexy and soft.” Peter says adding a little oil or lotion. He works all the way down my back and it feels so good, I’m so relaxed. He massages my ass for a minute before diving between my cheeks with his tongue. Teasing then probing deeply. So, so, so good.
“Fuck baby that is so good.” I groan.
“Don’t get too loud.” Peter warns. I guess we could be heard even if we can’t be seen. Man it feels so good to be doing this outside. Man I love how sexy he makes me feel.
He keeps eating me and I keep up the moaning. Fuck it is so good.
“Want me?” Peter asks letting up for a minute and pushing a finger in instead.
I mumble something, I’m not sure if it is coherent.
“That feel good?” Peter says working me over good.
“Mmm so good,” I groan.
Peter moves his tongue back in making me so so ready for him. He pulls my up to my knees the pushes my head down before pushing in to me slowly. I groan with every millimeter.
“Ready?” Peter asks.
“Give it to me.” I cry.
Peter pounds me super good, amazing, plowing in to me, giving me all of him. Rubbing my back and making every inch of me feeling amazing. He slows so he can lean forward and kiss me, filling me so full.
“Oh baby I’m so close.” I groan.
He teases me some more, moving barely a whisper. I know he’s only just hanging on himself. He kisses me more and I cry out in full ecstasy, how does he make me feel so amazing? He picks up speed again and I let loose I cannot feel any better. A full wave forms deep in my ass and I ride the joy and collapse beneath him. He falls on top of me his mouth clamped to my neck, his cock filling me. We lie exhausted for a few moments and as ever I enjoy the feeling of him lying on me.
“I want to go again.” I say.
“Greedy.” Peter replies.
“For you.” I whisper.
‘Let’s sleep out here.” Peter says cuddling me close.
“That would not be comfy.” I say.
“I can’t use you for a pillow? Is it not finally my turn?” Peter teases rolling off me and pulling me to face him with full on puppy dog eyes.
“We should have bought a bigger daybed.” I say.
“We can put all the mattresses on the deck.” Peter says.
“No, I love it but not tonight, I don’t need extra reorganizing tomorrow when I’m trying to get ready for Mom and Dad coming,” I say.
“Okay. I just don’t want tonight to end.” Peter says.
“You are lovely to me.” I say nuzzling against him.
“I need to make sure you’ll stay.” Peter says.
“I have done nothing to make you think I’d go.” I say.
“I know. Ugh I have to get up soon. At least its my short day.” Peter says.
We stand up, grab our things and go indoors. We sleep without showering which makes me all the more horny. I need him when I wake and I slowly make love to him as we wake, all of us touching, non stop kissing, gently filling him and making him moan as I did last night. Showing him all I have.
“I love you so much.” Peter says kissing me.
“Love you so much more.” I say looking at my love.