On Monday Blue is still worrying about his reaction to Gervais. He doesn’t know why he’s so jealous, he’d not thought of Gervais in that way, not really. He thinks he’s mostly embarrassed about his reaction. He knows it’s none of his business who Gervais hooks up with and the he shouldn’t pull back as a friend because Gervais has a normal sex life. But he did and he needs to work out why.
Is he that arrogant that he thought he’d always be Gervais first port of call? That he expected Gervais to always be available? He is woeful about not being a good friend.
Blue decides to swim rather than do yoga. He lied to the others about never using a pool to wind them up and can’t believe they fell for it. There are only 2 others in the pool and he spends a long time pushing through the water letting it remove all his tension. He feels good after. Really good and strong. He showers, and enjoys the site of some other guys changing. Man he needs to get laid.
“Hey where were you this morning?” Gervais asks as they run into each other outside the dining hall.
“I fancied a swim.” Blue says.
“Are we going to be okay? I don’t like how we seem to be drifting apart already.” Gervais asks.
“It’s my fault, my hang-ups. I’m sorry. I’m in a total funk.” Blue says sadly knowing he has to pull himself out of this.
“What’s up?” Gervais asks as they sit down with food. Blue drinks his coffee slowly to stall his answer.
“I just don’t feel college is for me. I’m not enjoying classes. I want to go home but I can’t, I need more experience of the world first.” Blue says in a rush.
“You’ll find your place; stop expecting it to happen instantly. You got on well at climbing, we’ll go again and you ‘Il sign up for some camping weekends and enjoy it. Find some other outdoors groups. I think there is an outdoor swimming one.” Gervais says.
“I suppose. But that’s not new is it? It’s what I do at home. Sorry, I appreciate what you’re saying but I’m not open to solutions right now, I just needed to vent. But I can’t with you can I? I have to be the strong one.” Blue says and gets up and leaves.
Feeling like shit for taking it out on Gervais but unable to stop himself. Never been one for drama or tantrums before Blue feels even more lost.
Gervais stares after his friend baffled. Knowing he is not well versed in friendships he is at a complete loss as to what to do, if this is normal. Blue is behaving like a brat and he can’t work out why, it isn’t like Blue had made a move or was interested when Gervais and Jesse were getting to know each other, Blue was with Brad and it really isn’t Gervais fault that didn’t work out. Last night it felt like things were back to normal, what changed overnight?
Gervais just feels so hopeless that the man who has helped him have the best possible start to college is having such a bad time and he can’t reach him and help.
Later Blue meets Robin as arranged before the weekend.
“I guess we don’t need to hike. What do you want to do?” Robin asks.
“Could we go to a vegan café I found? I know it’s probably not your thing but I promise I’ll buy you a burger after if you hate it.” Blue suggests.
“Come on show me your world. Then you can tell me about this date you have too.” Robin says.
“I don’t have a date. I lied to get them off my back and deleted the apps.” Blue says as he sits down.
“Seriously? If you didn’t want to do it why did you?” Robin asks concerned.
“I can’t really complain about being a virgin if I’m not prepared to do something about it.” Blue says quietly.
“I get that it is harder for you to find someone than it is for me. I never worry if a girl is straight, just whether she likes me or not. And if on the off-chance she is gay then she’ll knock me back but I don’t worry that she’ll turn violent or turn her friends on me. I get it, I really do. But you’ve had 1 bad experience and as far as I can tell no knockbacks. We need to get to activities and find some guys; it is always a numbers game. Yes the apps are a shortcut but if you don’t like them it doesn’t mean you’ll be alone forever, I’ll just take longer.” Robin says.
“I just want to get some. I’m not expecting happy ever after.” Blue says with a sigh.
“Then why delete the apps?” Robin asks.
“Because most the messages were from old guys and pretty full on. And I didn’t match with anyone on the other. I know I need to give it more time. I just found it a bit creepy and weird.” Blue says.
“Being on display like goods in a store?” Robin asks.
“Exactly. Why do you not have a gay twin?” Blue laughs.
“You draw people to you. Me, Spence, Gervais, we all want to be around you. Brad didn’t work out but he came to you. Maybe you should just sit back and wait.” Robin says.
“I know it’s not been long. I just had expectations. And to see Gervais who could barely speak to me for the first few days find someone with ease just pushed me further into this funk.” Blue says.
“Blue, Blue, Blue.” A young boy of about 7 cries out running towards the guys table. Blue stands and catches the kid as he launches himself at Blue.
“Hey buddy. What are you doing here?” Blue asks the kid, that he clearly recognizes.
“You know I thought you looked familiar.” The owner comes over and hugs Blue.
“This is Cheryl and her son Ocean. This is my roommate Robin.” Blue says making introductions.
“Why didn’t you speak up when you came in? Oh it is so good to have you here.” Cheryl says.
“I honestly didn’t realize it was you until this one bouldered into me.” Blue says.
“How do you all know each other?” Robin asks intrigued that Blue from the tiniest place Robin has heard of knows people from the city.
“Blue is my teacher.” Ocean says proudly settling onto Blue’s lap as he sits back down.
“Cheryl and Ocean have done a couple of summers up at the retreat where I live. Ocean was in my kids yoga class.” Blue explains.
“Are you at school here? I bet your Momma is missing you something fierce.” Cheryl says.
“Yeah I just started. I’m tired of the food already so dragged Robin here. I can’t believe this is your place.” Blue says smiling, feeling instantly less homesick and at ease for the first time in days.
“Are you enjoying your meals?” Cheryl asks.
“It’s so good. I had no idea what to expect, Blue ordered for me.” Robin says.
“It is great, I love having real vegetables and grains. Thanks so much.” Blue says.
“What is wrong with the food at school?” Robin asks.
“It’s the same all the time. Veg versions of meat foods like lasagne and burgers or a vegetable rice or noodle dish. It is fine but not interesting or particularly tasty.” Blue says.
“It’s the same for the meat food, we have all those ethnic stations but the food all tastes the same, super bland.” Robin says.
“Well I’d be happy to see you here any time.” Cheryl says.
“Do you have any jobs going? I just need feeding not paying.” Blue says.
“I need a teacher. Can Blue be my teacher? I bet I could make him a good dinner.” Ocean says.
“Blue if you could do a kids yoga class and maybe a family one we would be so grateful. We are short on instructors right now,” Cheryl says.
“Where is the studio? I could do Thursdays and Mondays after 3. Or weekends.” Blue says.
“I couldn’t ask you to give up weekends. The studio is above us here, we own the building, café this floor then a studio and offices for classes above us.” Cheryl says.
“Thursdays, Mondays I have swimming.” Ocean says making sure he gets his say.
“Lets say Thursdays, a kids class at 3 and family at 5. I’ll feed you and give you extra meals to take back.” Cheryl says.
“Cool, that way the class can be low or no cost.” Blue says.
“Exactly. Is your insurance valid here?” Cheryl asks.
“I think so. I’ll check and get it sorted. It is so good to see you. Momma will be pleased we’ve connected. No doubt she’ll call to check up on me so please tell her I’m doing good.” Blue says.
“She just cares and I’ve not caught up with her for a while so would love to hear from her.” Cheryl says.
Robin watches in awe. Cheryl mentions Blue’s Momma a lot but also treats him as a trusted adult and the kid clearly adores Blue. Robin realizes there is a lot more to his friend and he wants to find out more.
Cheryl gets called away to deal with another customer but Ocean remains on Blue’s lap as the guys finish their meal.
“I didn’t know you were an official teacher.” Robin says in the car ride back.
“That makes it sound very formal. I taught kids classes informally during summers. Anyone who didn’t have to work at home would help with the kids at the retreat so their parents could get what they needed. It was like being a camp councilor.” Blue says.
“There’s so much to you that you keep hidden. I thought you were open with us but we barely know you.” Robin says.
“You know me. I’m gay, I’m outdoorsy, I don’t eat meat, I’m homesick, I have a crush on you and that’s it. No big secrets. I might have had an unusual upbringing but I’m just a regular guy.” Blue says.
“And we’re treating you like an alien or a pet project.” Robin says.
“Something like that. T feel like you’re all trying to fix me.” Blue says.
“Guess you have some sympathy with Gervais now for treating him like glass.” Robin says.
“I guess. I blew up at him today. I feel so mean.” Blue sighs.
“You two were super intense together, it was like you could read his mind. So you felt rejected not because he slept with someone else but because he didn’t tell you he was in to Jesse.” Robin says.
“Yeah maybe that’s it. Thanks Robin. I really missed you this weekend. I’m glad we did this tonight. Sorry we didn’t get to talk much.” Blue says.
“That’s okay. It was cute watching you with Ocean. That kid adores you.” Robin says.
“Yeah he’s a clingy one. I’m really glad I have a job, something to help me feel normal. Accepting my normal isn’t your normal.” Blue says.
The boys go for a game of pool and chat about Robin’s weekend and his worries about his relationship with Jenna.
They head back to the suite feeling a lot better. Blue knocks on Gervais door as Robin heads to the bathroom.
“I’m sorry for earlier and the last few days. I should never have been so rude and aggressive. It won’t happen again.” Blue says.
“It’s okay. Yoga tomorrow morning?” Gervais asks.
“Yeah sure.” Blue says and goes to his room.
Things go back to normal, Blue and Gervais hang out every morning, Robin and Spence to wrestling and work out together frequently in the evenings. Gervais and Blue go climbing again this time with Jesse and Blue finds the two of them get on very well. The awkwardness is gone. The three join others in the club for dinner and start slowly to make other friends.
Andy ditches climbing and meets with as many types of men as he can get.
The weeks pass by and the guys all feel more settled.
Spence and Andy stay together with Spence unaware of his boyfriends cheating ways.
Spence is very happy. Wresting is going well, he loves the lack of pressure, whilst he is a competitive guy just concentrating on himself and not worrying about pleasing an ambitious coach is very freeing. He has made a lot of friends with the team, as has Robin and they both party a lot with their jock friends. Andy is more than happy to join them.
Gervais is happy having Jesse as a fwb and Blue as his close friend, he confides in Blue most mornings over breakfast everything that is going on in his life. Gervais helps with the kid’s class that Blue teaches and takes part in the general class. His confidence is booming. He has even reached out to his father to invite him to parent’s weekend. He doubts that his dad will come but he is hopeful that maybe they can begin to have some sort of relationship.
Robin is enjoying wrestling and partying with the other jocks, he is still visiting Jenna every few weeks but is not spurning the advances of girls he meets at parties. He still spends most nights snuggled up to Blue. Robin feels the two have a good friendship, Robin has stopped quizzing Blue about his dating but is happy to talk of his own issues.
Andy is delighted with how things are going, he has Spence and he has anyone else he can get. He’s become quite brazen about it. Almost daring himself to get caught. He’s made a fair number of friends too but hasn’t settled into a particular group. He parties with the climbing group and the wrestlers and with the various gay clubs. He’s a little disappointed with his suitemates who don’t seem to be embracing the opportunities that he is. He’d love to swap stories with Gervais or Blue and chat about guys. He
really thought Blue would be a total stud on campus but he’s turned out to be anything but.
Blue just feels isolated. He enjoys teaching his class and he has helped Spence with the gymnastics team a couple of times and enjoyed it. He likes being useful. Blue feels his friendship with Gervais is one sided, he listens to him talk every morning and still extracts him from social events when they are getting too much but he rarely talks much himself any more. He deliberately holds back with Robin, trying to cure himself of his crush which rages on. It is hardly likely to go away as they lie skin to skin every night.
One Friday night the 5 are sat together drinking, Jesse’s suite is having a party which Andy, Spence, Gervais and Robin plan to attend. It’s been a while since all the guys have hung out together and they feel some roommate bonding is overdue.
“Are you sure you won’t come?” Spence asks Blue.
“Nah. I have some work to do. I’ll just take advantage of the quiet.” Blue says.
“Come on its Friday night. You cannot do homework on a Friday. It’s the first time we’ve all been around for ages.” Robin says.
“Leave him be.” Andy says.
“Thanks Andy. Sorry guys I’m just not feeling it.” Blue says and retreats to his room.
“What is his problem?” Gervais asks stunning the other 3.
“Uh you’ll be with Jesse, Robin will be fending off the girls and Spence and I will be going home together. He’s jealous and would rather not spend another night faking being happy.” Andy says quietly.
“This sad lonely virgin thing has to stop. He could have anyone if he made the effort.” Gervais says.
“He doesn’t want just anyone. He wants Robin and he can’t have him. But Robin refuses to leave him alone.” Andy says.
“I’m not stopping him from doing anything and it isn’t my fault he has a crush on me.” Robin says.
“Well you don’t have to climb in his bed every night, we’ve been on at you for weeks about it and you just love keeping him dangling as an ego boost.” Spence says annoyed.
“Let’s go. Jesse said they’d have some good punch. I need to get wasted.” Gervais says.
“Not like you.” Robin says.
“Tough week. I’m regretting all the early starts now I actually have a life.” Gervais says.
“You have changed so much. Who knew quiet anti-social, super-anxious Gervais would turn into such a social butterfly.” Spence teases.
“I know. No one is more surprised than me.” Gervais laughs back.
“So why be so mean about blue when it was him who helped you?” Andy asks. Andy has developed quite the crush on Blue himself. He sees him as a major challenge and while he knows nothing will happen while he is with Spence he still wants to go there.
“I love Blue, he has been amazing and I do owe him so much. But he’s boring. He totally dazzled me the first week the way he had such ease around everyone and was so sensitive to me but he’s made no other friends, he never suggests doing anything, he’s just not that much fun.” Gervais says.
“It’s not like you hang out with anyone but him, us and Jesse.” Andy says.
“True but I like all of you. I’m never sure Blue likes any of us but he doesn’t make new friends.” Gervais says.
“What about at yoga, all those single moms love him.” Robin says.
“That is true, the one time a week he is properly happy is with his damaged hippies and their kids.” Gervais says.
“Wow. When did you become such a beeotch? Why do you go if you see it like that?” Robin asks shocked.
“I enjoy it, the kids are great and Blue’s class is amazing after. I don’t have to like the others in the class though, dumping all their problems on Blue and expecting him to listen for ages with only the offer of vegan brownies in return.” Gervais says.
“They taste good to me. He was so open when he got here and we were all so pushy about him dating that he’s totally clammed up. He never talks to me about how he’s feeling any more. I thought he talked to you but you clearly don’t actually like him.” Robin says.
“I do like him, loads. I just miss the guy who was so open and adventurous. I love doing yoga with him and having class with him. I just don’t want to party with him tonight.” Gervais says.
“Has he said that it was because of the dating apps that he backed off?” Spence asks concerned.
“He said at the time he felt we were all trying to fix him. I told you that and we all backed off but maybe he feels abandoned.” Robin says.
“Let’s go before we all get depressed.” Andy says finishing his drink.
They are soon enjoying the party, its not too big a group. Andy soon gets bored, everyone else is geeking out over games and comic books and while he enjoys watching his boyfriend get all cute in that mode, especially with the girls throwing themselves at him but he is feeling restless. He takes another drink and browses his phone but no one of interest is online. He grabs a couple more drinks and heads back to the suite to see Blue.
“Study break.” Andy says as he opens Blue’s door and hands his friend a drink.
“Thanks.” Blue says taking a long drink from the cup.
“I just don’t have much clue on all that pop culture stuff. I don’t want to discuss k-pop or Pokémon.’ Blue says.
“And you were too polite to say so. We should have gone to a bar, we still could. I think I’d be a great wingman.” Andy says.
“That actually sounds like fun.” Blue says looking up surprising Andy.
“So get out of those sweats and into something decent. I’ll just let Spence know.” Andy says excited at their last minute plan.
Blue changes quickly. He’s tired of being boring and ready to have some fun, he just didn’t realize what he wanted.
“Ready?” Andy asks coming back in.
“Yup. Spence not coming?” Blue asks.
“No we’re on the loose. Let’s go shake our asses and see what we get.” Andy laughs.
Its underwear night and the boys happily shrug and check their clothes. Blue looks amazing and Andy has to concentrate to not get wood.
“Wow, I’ve not been awake for morning yoga for a while, I’ve missed out.” Andy laughs.
“I’ve been working out a little to help with climbing. I think I look good.” Blue says.
“Oh honey you’re a clear 10 tonight.” A guy says walking past.
“He’s right. You really need to stop hiding away.” Andy says.
“I know. I’ve been in such a funk I’ve needed to steer clear of everyone. I feel better tonight, that punch musta been good.” Blue laughs.
“Want to dance?” Andy asks, he is an atrocious dancer but really wants to see Blue move.
“I have no idea how, but sure lets have fun.” Blue says.
Andy is a little awkward but Blue soon settles in copying those around him. He gets a fair bit of attention, not all of it welcome, some a little aggressive. Andy steps in when he can. He’s not getting so much notice himself, but he’s enjoying the view and knows he can go home to Spence who is always good fun when he’s buzzed.
Blue and Andy move towards a group of guys who look about their age and are soon chatting as much as they can above the music. They go to another school across the city. Blue and Andy relax and have fun with the guys, getting close, messing around and enjoy themselves. After one too many guys tries to get into the boys underwear the friends call it a night. They swap details and suggest another place to try the next weekend.
“That was fun.” Blue says when they’re dressed and outside.
“I know. Those guys were a lot more our speed than others we’ve met so far.” Andy says.
“For sure, thanks for not pushing me at anyone.” Blue says.
“No problem. It was great to see you having fun. Did you like any of them?” Andy asks.
“Maybe Mac, he was cute.” Blue says about the smallest of the group.
“Well I may have let you off the hook tonight but I will be bugging you to follow up. Get messaging him, worst case you have a friend to dance with.” Andy says.
“I will. Thanks for tonight I really needed that.” Blue says.
“Happy to have you back.” Andy laughs.
“I’ve been so annoying. I really miss my Momma and I’m so embarrassed to admit it. She just knows how to keep me smiling and put my troubles in perspective. I didn’t realize how much I relied on her.” Blue says.
“I miss my family too. I’m used to living without them but I always have that tug in my heart for my sister.” Andy says.
Blue grabs a couple of beers and they sit drinking on the couch waiting for the others to get back.
“Can’t believe they’re still over there.” Blue says.
“Do you think we’re missing an orgy?” Andy asks.
“Nah, want to go check?” Blue asks.
“Wooo theres my boooooooooooooy.” A wasted Spence says opening the door and throwing himself at Andy.
“Let’s go to bed baby.” Andy says kissing his boyfriend hard. Blue watches fascinated.
“Come join us Blue. We’ll be gentle.” Spence slurs.
“I’m good Spence. You go have fun with your Andy.” Blue says laughing and ruffling Spence’s hair.
“You sure? We could have a lot of fun.” Andy says.
“I am sure you will. No way am I sharing my first time.” Blue laughs.
“Any time you want me to yourself I’m here.” Andy whispers before dragging his boyfriend to bed.
Blue shakes his head and goes for a shower. He’s drying off in the bedroom when Robin just as wasted as Spence, comes in.
“Hey sexy. Wow you really are huge up close.” Robin says reaching for Blue’s dick.
“Leave it out you’re wasted.” Blue laughs pushing his friend away and grabbing some shorts quickly.
“Why didn’t you party with us? We had so much fun. Until that bitch Charlotte turned me down, got me going then stopped.” Robin mutters.
“Well you have Jenna so shouldn’t be doing any of that.” Blue says.
“It’s alright for you, you’ve never had anything regular. I’m used to getting a lot of sex and none is no good. My balls are bluuuuuuuuuuue.” Robin whines.
“You take care of yourself plenty.” Blue replies.
“Come on, help me out, suck my dick. You know you want it.” Robin say.
“No thanks, you are wasted.” Blue says backing away.
Suddenly Robin tackles Blue to the floor and sits aside him, pushing his dick at Blue’s mouth.
“You’re practically drooling, you want me so bad. Take me, come on, suck my sweet meat.” Robin says.
“Get off me Robin.” Blue says as calmly as he can, utterly unsure what to do. Wanting it so badly but so upset at what is happening, knowing Robin is drunk and horny and would fuck anything right now and regret it tomorrow.
“Not til you blow me.” Robin says pushing against Blue’s mouth some more laughing.
Blue somehow manages to roll out from under Robin and leaves the room quickly.
“Gervais can I come in?” Blue asks banging on the door.
“Wait a sec.” Gervais says.
“Whats up?” Jesse asks as Gervais opens the door.
“Sorry I didn’t know you were here. It’s nothing.” Blue says stepping away,
“You sure?” Gervais asks worried.
“Honestly its nothing. See you tomorrow.” Blue says.
Blue sits for a few minutes trying to work out what to do. He knows Robin will be passed out already and probably won’t remember tomorrow. They can’t keep sharing a bed it just isn’t right.
Blue sighs then grabs the spare comforter they bought for guests out the cupboard and makes a bed on the sofa. Despite the worry he’s soon fast asleep.