“How come you’re staying here tonight?” Blue asks Robin as he gets into bed.
“Emilie and Ally wanted to have a girls night.” Robin says with a shrug.
“We are hardly ever both here at night.” Blue says.
“Yeah. Though its pretty good to not need to worry about kicking you out the room.” Robin says.
“I miss chatting with you. I’ve missed you and Gervais this semester.” Blue says.
“You two looked back to normal tonight. Trouble brewing with Austin?” Robin pries.
“I like Austin a lot and he’s good to me. But being with Gervais the last two days I have realized I do deserve more.” Blue says as if telling himself not Robin.
“So its over?” Robin asks.
“No, I’m going to sort out the sex issue. It is what is holding us back, I’ll never feel properly close to him unless we are physically close.” Blue says.
“Yes you deserve satisfying sex. You really do. However you haven’t had sex with Gervais, you and he have a strong, deep love connection even without it.” Robin says.
“I know. I just don’t want to give up on Austin. I owe it to myself to see if it can be truly amazing because he is a great guy and he loves me and didn’t make me jump through hoops. We’ve been straight about what we wanted from the start and I’m now the one holding back.” Blue says.
“Okay, I get it. But can you throw yourself in when so much of your heart belongs to Gervais?” Robin asks.
“Lets see. Maybe it’ll work and Gervais can move on too.” Blue says.
“I seriously hope I live to see the day you two get your shot.” Robin says.
“It’ll never live up to our dreams. With you and Emilie it was love at first sight, is that living up to it?” Blue asks.
“Yeah, totally. I am utterly in to her and it is amazing. All of it is amazing.” Robin says.
“We should double sometime. I really like her too and Austin is her friend.” Blue says.
“She wants to but feels awkward because Miles introduced you to Austin.” Robin says.
“I don’t see why Miles would mind.” Blue says.
“Me either maybe soon. I feel like I’m hiding her away as it is.” Robin says.
“Like me and Austin, I think he just hates you all But is too polite to tell me.” Blue laughs.
“I guess he’s pretty different to all of us. You two have not eating meat in common but none of us know his world much.” Robin says.
“I don’t have much in common with you at all.” Blue says.
“True other than us sharing a room and I now climb with you guys, which I love thank you for encouraging me.” Robin says.
“You’re really good at it.” Blue says.
“Thanks. So are you.” Robin says.
The following day as planned they have a gaming day, playing in the main room, Gervais and Robin’s rooms. Andy appreciates the distraction He’s spoken to Roe who hasn’t heard anything. Clara thinks selling the car is hasty and it was just chance they found Blue with it. Roe thinks they expect them to be living near Andy as that was her original plan.
Spence is concerned about Andy but is trying to keep him entertained. He’s worried that Andy won’t get the carefree college experience he should have had. Selfishly he knows his boyfriend will be spending more of the breaks with his family and while it is easier for Spence to join them now he wishes they could have time at home in the house like they did in high school, just them living together.
“You coping okay?” Blue asks Gervais when the 2 of them go on a coffee run.
“Yeah. Without Jesse I don’t need to schedule my downtime so much. And if today gets too much I can use Spence’s room.” Gervais says.
“You don’t need looking after any more. You’ve grown so much. I am so impressed.” Blue says.
“Because of you.” Gervais says.
“You did it all yourself. Having friends who believe in you helps but you’ve done it.” Blue says.
“If you’re still with Austin will it still be okay for me to come to yours for the summer?” Gervais asks.
“Of course. Andy will be with us too. Ocean will be disappointed if you’re not there.” Blue says.
“I guess. I’m looking forward to it. I know we all ought to be doing internships and things but I feel like I’m just getting better and I don’t want to risk being in a situation where I could be bullied again.” Gervais says.
“You will get work experience, Momma will have you visiting the elderly and up at the retreat and running all kinds of errands. It won’t be much of a vacation.” Blue says.
“And I am excited to be useful. I love helping you on Thursdays.” Gervais says.
“I love you being there, you’ve stuck it out at the kids class even when we’ve been off with each other.” Blue says.
“Even when fighting I loved you.” Gervais says.
“Me too you are the most frustrating man on the planet but I feel how I feel.” Blue says with a smile.
Gervais just looks up at him and smiles, so happy.
“And Gervais.” Blue says opening the door to go back in.
“What?” Gervais asks.
“You look really cute today.” Blue says.
Gervais just can’t stop grinning as he hands out the drinks and gets back to playing.
Blue heads out for a walk, he still can’t see the appeal of the gaming and feels the need to escape for a bit. Its weird thinking about how little he has in common with his friends. Both Robin and Gervais but they still have a lot to talk about. He thinks if he should try and find others more like him. But then he’s supposed to be here to change, to do new things, meet new people.
He calls Austin hoping he’s free but his phone is off. Blue can’t work out if his feelings for Austin don’t run deeply enough because he holds on to the feelings for Gervais or if they are just not there. If he loved Austin then he wouldn’t feel so much for Gervais would he? He wants to be with Austin, he really feels that everything is one step away from clicking in to place. Out of everyone he and Austin are the most similar. Not just their diet but how they approach college, Austin does all he can to improve his dance and learn the history and about others, he works so hard. Blue hasn’t found a passion to study in the same way but he throws everything into all of his classes.
Blue lies back on the grass, its still a bit damp from the day before but the sun is out and its warm. Blue thinks about Spring break how he and Austin will be apart again and how he’ll be with Gervais and if he can’t keep away then maybe he should end it with Austin, he’s not being fair to his boyfriend. Blue feels so confused, so torn. The weather quickly turns and it starts to pour so he runs back inside.
The guys have finished playing and are sat around drinking and talking about spring break which is coming up fast.
Blue sits not really listening. He’s excited to have a week outdoors hiking and climbing but isn’t that bothered by the partying. He need Austin back and to get on firmer ground before he can risk drinking lots around Gervais.
Tuesday finally comes and Blue is over to see Austin as soon as his classes are over.
“I missed you so much.” Austin says standing on tiptoe to kiss Blue hard on the mouth.
“Did you have fun?” Blue asks.
“It was crazy but I met some great teachers and had some great classes and I am so ready to be out of here and auditioning.” Austin says.
“So you might leave early?” Blue asks.
“Maybe. I have a job this summer with a theater company in Chicago and I’m going to be auditioning when I can. If something comes up then for sure I’d take it.” Austin says.
“What about your degree?” Blue asks.
“I’d finish up somewhere, I don’t need a degree to dance but I don’t want to throw it away.” Austin says.
“You’re smart. You’ll work it out. I’d miss you like crazy.” Blue says.
“You could transfer.” Austin says kissing Blue gently and pulling him to his bed.
“You’re so cute I might just have to.” Blue says.
“You are so amazing, that was so good.” Austin says fully satisfied from Blue’s big dick.
“When is it going to be next time?” Blue asks.
“We just did it, you want me again already.” Austin giggles.
“No I mean whenever I ask if you will take me this time you say maybe next time. It’s been months and I’ve been patient. I want you inside me and I feel like it is never going to happen.” Blue says.
“It isn’t.” Austin says.
“My ass is that ugly?” Blue asks lightly.
“I just don’t want to do something that I don’t get anything out of. We should both have fun every time and I don’t want to even to make you happy. Actually that makes it worse, doing something only to make you happy makes me feel used.” Austin says.
“So you don’t think we should do anything, just to make the other happy? If we don’t like it ourselves?” Blue asks.
“Yes of course. I don’t mean never trying something.” Austin says.
“But we’ve not tried.” Blue says.
“I have though, I’ve had other boyfriends.” Austin says.
“I guess.” Blue says sadly.
“You can stay tonight if you like. I’ve no class in the morning.” Austin says.
“Thanks. I need a lot of snuggles.” Blue says pulling Austin back on top of him.
“Me too.” Austin says kissing Blue hard.
The following evening at climbing all the talk is of their upcoming trip. Who will be driving, who can buy beer, who will share a room with who. Who they think will hook up.
“I bet Gervais and Blue finally fuck.” Jesse says.
“How much?” Elliot asks.
“Really you are betting that I’ll cheat on my boyfriend?” Blue asks.
“50 bucks that Miles and Jesse miss at least 3 days due to bedroom activity.” Gervais says trying to take the heat off him.
“No way, I really want to face these rocks, not to say I won’t get my rocks off also.” Miles says with a big grin. He and Jesse are still not official and he’s getting panicked that maybe it won’t happen and he’ll have wasted time he could have been with someone else.
“I just know I do not want to be sleeping anywhere close to Spence and Andy.” Blue laughs.
“I am on board with that. I can be your chaperone so you don’t accidently bone Gervais.” Elliot laughs.
“Sounds good to me.” Blue says taking it in good humor.
“Ditching me? Charming.” Gervais says.
“Come in with me.” George says quietly, worried he won’t have a roommate he knows.
“Sure thing George. I hear you are super neat.” Gervais says.
“Well I won’t be kicking you out to fuck.” George says.
“You two might get it on.” Elliot grins.
“Hey am I out in the cold?” Robin asks.
“You can share with the girls, they all love you.” Elliot says.
“Yeah Emilie would love that.” Robin says.
“We can share my bed.” Blue says.
“We’ll probably be more than 2 to a room anyway.” Gervais says.
“Will you cope with sharing with lots of people?” Blue asks Gervais later on the way home.
“I have no idea. I guess I’ll be okay. I can manage whole nights like tonight and everyone will be passed out most nights.” Gervais says.
“We should chuck a tent in the car and then you have your own room if you need an escape.” Blue says.
“Or I can go sleep in your car.” Gervais says.
“That works. That can be our code. If you need to get out of a situation just say you need something from the car.” Blue says.
“You think of everything.” Gervais says.
“You’ve been doing amazing and I don’t want that to get ruined.” Blue says.
“I’ll be fine.” Gervais says and they hug a little too long before going their separate ways to bed.
All weekend Austin is busy with rehearsals and has a show every night the next week and for nearly 2 weeks the couple only manage a few snatched lunches and brief chats between their activities. Blue watches the last night of the show and enjoys seeing Austin at his best. Austin is keen to skip the after party and get upstairs with Blue.
“I can’t believe we’ve had no time together. We need to coordinate better.” Austin says.
“I hate only having a few minutes with you. We have all weekend now though.” Blue says kissing Austin hungrily.
“We do and I am not letting you get dressed.” Austin grins and straddles Blue pulling his shirt off.
“You looked so good out there tonight, I was jealous everyone else got to see you wearing so little.” Blue says and pulls at Austin’s clothes. The strip off quickly and take their time kissing each other all over.
Blue kisses his way down Austin’s body, licking and kissing at every defined inch until he gets to his crotch breathing deeply before taking Austin’s dick in his mouth. He kisses, licks and sucks, takes all deep in his throat before teasing with tiny kisses, he suck on Austin’s balls and squeezes his ass almost lifting him from the bed.
“Baby that feels amazing. Let me taste you.” Austin groans after fucking Blue’s face for a moment, fingers buried dep in his hair.
Blue lies back and watches his boyfriend get to work, giving just as good as he got. Blue groans and runs his hands over as much as Austin as he can reach, enjoying the feel of his boyfriend’s soft skin.
“Your skin is so beautiful. I love it.” Blue says.
“I want your cock, deep inside me.” Austin says moving up and kissing Blue.
“No.” Blue says playfully and kisses Austin hard, lifting him and throwing him on to his back and going back down on his cock.
“Babe that feels amazing but I am so ready, I want you, please. I missed you.” Austin pleads.
“But this is fun for us both.” Blue says looking up confused.
“So is fucking, come on I need that d.” Austin groan as Blue cucks him deep again.
“No we agreed we wouldn’t anymore.” Blue says.
“I would never agree to no sex.” Austin says looking equally confused.
“We said we’d only do what we both find fun. Not do something we don’t enjoy. You said it.” Blue says more insistent.
“Right so fuck me, baby, impale me with your big dick.” Austin says running his hands over his boyfriend and stroking their cocks together.
“But its no fun for me.” Blue says.
“What? You breed me deep every time.” Austin says slowly realizing Blue isn’t fucking with him.
“I do what?” Blue asks confused.
“Cum deep inside me, like we’re making babies.” Austin says.
“I never do that.” Blue says still confused.
“I don’t understand. You love fucking me, you fill me deep, its amazing. Why are you pretending its anything else, like a girl faking it?” Austin asks.
“I never fake it. I just never cum. I don’t enjoy it. I don’t get it. I try shifting positions to make it feel better like my friends suggested but you always ask me to change back. I like watching you when you’re so excited and seeing you lose control is hot but physically I don’t get pleasure. I love everything else we do and I thought you did too.” Blue says flooring Austin.
“You talked to your friends about our sex life?” Austin asks.
“I didn’t have anything to compare it to so yes I asked them.” Blue says feeling bad that he should have gone to Austin first.
“Unbelievable. So now what?” Austin asks exasperated.
“What do you want?” Blue asks quietly.
“I can’t even think right now. I can’t believe you just dumped on me from such a height. Just leave.” Austin says.
Blue gathers his clothes and tries to keep it together.
“Can’t we talk it through?” Blue asks.
“I feel like I don’t know you at all. What else do you keep hidden from me? Why couldn’t you talk to me about it?” Austin asks.
“I liked you, I really like you and didn’t want to upset you. Robin said he’s be upset if it was him and so I waited. When we talked the other week that was me talking to you about it. I didn’t know you didn’t know okay?” Blue says frustrated that his communication is letting him down.
“Shit you spoke to your straight friend about it? What would he know? Just leave we’re going to say way too much we regret tonight if you stay any longer. I just can’t take this. You are such a fucking weirdo, pretending to be all sensitive and understanding and then talking about me behind my back. Shit Blue I really don’t want to talk to you right now. I don’t know if I ever want to see you again. This is so humiliating.” Austin says and Blue leaves, dressing as he goes.
Blue walks home slowly thoroughly upset with himself and no idea what to do. He takes a long shower and gets off thinking about Austin dancing and then goes to bed confused as to why his boyfriend, or ex he supposes can turn him on so much at times and so little at others, why can’t he get it right at the right time.
Robin is with Emilie all weekend and Blue stays in the room mentally beating himself up and replaying the conversation over and over in his head. Why was he so stupid? It wasn’t so hard to just do what Austin wanted. He looks at his phone a million times and stops himself from calling or texting, he needs to give Austin space to work through it. When he hasn’t heard from him by Tuesday night he gives up and accepts it is over.