“Come on let us talk it through, keep our minds of everything else.” Robin says.
“We also need to talk about why Blue bailed on Spring Break.” Gervais says trying to deflect, he can’t face the rejection right now.
“I know. Of everything that has happened I’m actually more concerned about that than anything else.” Robin says.
“Glad I’m of more interest than the serious stuff.” Blue says rolling his eyes.
“Well if you will be such a drama queen.” Gervais says.
“I left to escape the drama. Now how are we doing this?” Blue asks.
“You in the middle.” Robin and Gervais say.
They strip off and Blue winces as he sees the mirrored bruising on his friends.
“Are you sure you’re okay? You look awful.” Blue says tracing some of the marks on Gervais chest.
“Luckily we both have opposite good sides so we can both lie on you.” Robin says.
“It hurts like fuck at times.” Gervais admits.
“Yeah but we’re alive and nowhere near as bad as the others.” Robin says.
“I’m so glad you are both back with me.” Blue says kissing them both on the head.
Gervais and Robin struggle to get comfortable for a minute and Blue tries to help.
“So first off why did you leave without telling anyone?” Robin asks.
“I told John and I asked him to tell you guys. Not my fault he didn’t and none of you bothered to try and speak to me for a couple of days. Not even bother to check I was in the car.” Blue says feeling sorry for himself again.
“I’m supposed to love you and I didn’t notice you were gone. No wonder you’re not ready to be with me.” Gervais says despondent.
“Blue do you believe Gervais loves you, despite us being shitty friends?” Robin asks.
“Yes, we’ve not been hanging out much, since I got with Austin. Its fair he didn’t notice I was gone.” Blue says.
“And Gervais do you believe Blue loves you despite you not bothering to tell you he was single?” Robin asks.
“I know he does.” Gervais says.
“So you love and are loved. No better feeling in the world. What’s holding you back Blue?” Robin asks.
“So you’ve told everyone about my breakup even though I asked you not to.” Blue says sidestepping.
“I had to when we were trying to work out why you left.” Robin says.
“I told you I didn’t want anyone to know because I didn’t want the pressure to be with Gervais before I’d worked through my breakup. I still haven’t.” Blue says.
“Austin didn’t mean anything to you and I mean everything. You nearly lost me yesterday and you are still holding off. You are trying to lose me.” Gervais says frustrated.
“Maybe I am. Maybe I just can’t forget all those rejections. Maybe I’d always feel inferior being with you. While you built yourself up, I was being torn down.” Blue says.
“Shit. I thought you were just going to say you wanted to let us all get over the crash first. You are actually talking about not ever getting together. I’m sorry for bringing it up.” Robin says pretty shocked at Blue’s defeated attitude.
“What was it that tipped you over on break? I knew something was up when you were cooking but we had such fun on the lake together. You left that night. Was it because of Jesse?” Gervais asks.
“Yes, Elliot and I had a lot of fun and I stupidly thought as we had such a great time together and we get on well that maybe he’d want to go out sometime. He didn’t even let me get the words out before telling me anyone would be fucking nuts to date me. I figure its Elliot, he doesn’t date but then he needs the room because there is a guy he’s crazy about, you heard him and it was Jesse and every insecurity I have comes tumbling out, my mood went from sunny to stormy and I had to leave.” Blue says.
“You could have talked to me. To any of us.” Robin says.
“I just needed to get out of there.” Blue says.
“I know that feeling, I usually hide in my room.” Gervais says.
“That’s what I did. I promise I won’t do it again. And hopefully you guys will remember I exist before leaving without me in future.” Blue says.
“Full roll call in future.” Robin laughs.
The three sleep awkwardly, it’s hard for Robin and Gervais to get comfortable and Blue has to suffer them climbing all over him. In the morning Blue goes and gets breakfast for them all. Just as they finish eating Emilie arrives.
“Can we talk?” Gervais asks as they clean up.
“Sure.” Blue says following Gervais into his room.
“I know you’re not as perfect as you seem. I know you have faults, black moods, issues with socialization but I still love you. You just being you won’t change that. If you hurt me or cheat on me then sure it will change but I know you and you won’t do that.” Gervais says.
“Remember how scared you were? You didn’t want to be with me because you didn’t trust I’d stick with you. Can you not understand that I have those fears now?” Blue asks.
“Do you need a little more time? Or do you need something more from me?” Gervais asks.
“I don’t know. One minute I look at you and I feel so much love and I cannot imagine ever being with anyone else. All I want to do is hold you and kiss you. Other days all I feel are those rejections. I know I’m running hot and cold and it must be confusing for you.” Blue says.
“Can we work through it together? Let me show you, you are my world.” Gervais asks.
“You two get out here.” Robin shouts.
Reluctantly they go.
“What is it?” Blue asks.
“Cops press conference.” Emilie says.
“Items found during the search of Jacob Newly’s home gave police the final evidence needed to break a pedophile ring. 30 arrests were made this morning in a coordinated operation. Jacob Newly remains in a coma and so far 25 victims have come forward.” The cop says.
It continues giving numbers for victims to get in touch and appeals for information.
“Guess we really can’t complain about our bruises now.” Robin says.
“You’re amazing.” Blue says.
“Want to celebrate later? Double date?” Robin asks.
“We’re not there yet but we should go somewhere sure.” Gervais says.
“I spoke to Austin. He was pretty upset at the way you dumped him.” Emilie says.
“I thought he dumped you.” Robin says.
“He did. He told me to leave and give him space and two weeks later he’s still enjoying his space.” Blue says sadly.
“He was expecting you to calm down and apologize.” Emilie says.
“Blue had nothing to apologize for.” Robin says annoyed that Emilie has brought any of this up when Blue and Gervais are so close to getting together.
“Austin wouldn’t agree. He said Blue lied to him the whole relationship.” Emilie says.
“Blue would never do that.” Gervais says quietly.
“Austin isn’t prone to lying. I’ve known him for years and he’s a good guy. The things Blue told Robin about sex was lies, I’ve known Austin’s previous boyfriends and none of them had an issue with the sex, that’s all Blue’s problem.” Emilie says.
“Blue doesn’t lie. He only even exaggerates when he’s being down on himself. He has spoken to me and to Robin about the sex issues right from the start. No one would tell their friends they were having bad sex if it wasn’t true. He wanted to talk to Austin, but he was scared. And when he did it was over.” Gervais says.
“You never said you didn’t believe me.” Robin says angry.
“I’m trying to be impartial but you all seem to want to demonize Austin. I’m just giving the other side.” Emilie says.
“I guess I could have handled it better. Maybe I should go and see him.” Blue says.
“No!” Gervais cries out in despair.
“Oh come on you cannot go back to him.” Robin says.
“I need to find out what I did wrong. I’m new to relationships, I need to know how our expectations were so wide apart. I need to understand these codes. I can’t move on without knowing.” Blue says.
“Blue you did the right thing. He asked for space and you gave it, that isn’t code. Its okay to check in after a day or two to see where they’re at but keep it minimal.” Robin says.
“But I didn’t check in.” Blue says quietly.
“Neither did he and he had a lot more to apologize for.” Robin says.
“But from Austin’s point of view he didn’t. He thought Blue had been lying to him the whole relationship.” Emilie say.
“Blue wouldn’t do that.” Gervais says quietly.
“Austin hasn’t had any complaints before. I’ve known him a long time and met his previous boyfriends. Any difficulties you had physically were all on your side.” Emilie says.
“Blue doesn’t lie, the only time he exaggerates is when he’s being down on himself. Why would he tell me and Gervais, separately that he’s having bad sex, its fucking embarrassing?” Robin splutters angry that Emilie is causing trouble when Blue and Gervais are so close to being together.
“I’m just trying to give the other side as you seem to be demonizing my friend.” Emilie says.
“I’m going to talk to him.” Blue says getting up.
Gervais is stricken and Robin is seething with anger. Blue grabs his things and heads out the door. Gervais run after him.
“You can’t do this. You cannot go back to him, he didn’t give a shit about you.” Gervais cries grabbing at Blue to stop him.
“I have to talk to him. I need to understand what happened.” Blue says.
“If you go I’m done, for good. We will never, ever be together.” Gervais says and Blue leaves.
Gervais goes straight to his room and sobs, wails, all the emotion pours out of him.
“How could you do that to them?” Robin asks Emilie angrily.
“Austin and Blue were good together.” Emilie shrugs.
“Gervais and Blue are incredible together, they need to be together. It’s like they’re psychically linked.” Robin says.
“If they were meant to be then they wouldn’t be putting up all these barriers. I gave Blue an out and he took it.” Emilie says.
“We need to talk about spring break.” Robin says.
“You did what you did, I did what I did. I used protection, I hope you did too. We’ll get tested anyway. We agreed we’d not talk specifics, whats to talk about?” Emilie asks.
“I’m exhausted and not good company. I’ll see you tomorrow.” Robin says getting up.
“Okay, I know you’ve been through a lot. Why don’t we have dinner together tonight?” Emilie suggests not wanting to leave Robin for too long in this mood.
“Will you settle for coffee?” Robn asks knowing he won’t be up to going out.
“Sure, call me.” Emilie says and kisses him goodbye.
Robin isn’t sure how he feels. He did what he did with Blue on break but that was it, he didn’t go beyond flirting with anyone else. Emilie clearly did a lot more and that makes Robin feel insecure, less sure about how he feels about Emilie. Just a few days apart has thrown them off course. Emilie was cruel to Blue when she’s usually so sensitive. Does she know that Blue is who he fooled around with? He can’t work out why she would say the things she did, adding to their stress.
“Gervais are you okay?” Robin asks opening the door.
Gervais shakes his head and continues to cry. The sight of his friend in such distress set Robin off too, everything they’ve been through comes tumbling out. They comfort each other the best they can and cry it out together.
Blue comes bursting in.
“Jacobs dead. Spence and Andy are on their way. Your parents have been calling you Robin. Andy’s mom has been released without charges too.” Blue says out of breath.
“Slow down. What?” Robin asks.
“Momma called. Jacob died and Andy’s mom was released. Your mom has been calling about arrangements for today as they are on their way.” Blue says.
“Fuck my phone is charging in Spence’s room.” Robin says.
“I’ll get it.” Blue says running off.
“Looks like Austin is forgotten.” Robin says.
“Doesn’t matter, I’m done.” Gervais says.
“You can’t be making big decisions now, too much is going on.” Robin says.
“Here you go. I’m going to launder their sheets so it is nice for when they get here. Do you want me to do yours from break?” Blue asks coming back in like a puppy on speed.
“That would be great. Where’s my bag, did George bring it back?” Robin asks.
“Yeah. Its in our room. Gervais do you need anything doing?” Blue asks as Robin goes to get his stuff.
“You were quick. What did Austin say?” Gervais asks cautiously.
“I didn’t get there, Momma called on my way over and I came straight back with the news. Austin isn’t important.” Blue says.
“I’ll sort a bag out.” Gervais says quietly.
Once Blue has left with the laundry Robin goes back to check on Gervais.
“They’ll be here late this evening, they haven’t been discharged yet and Mom says they need to shop for clothes that are easier to wear with a cast.” Robin says.
“Your Mom is so nice. I think W was a bit overwhelmed with the practical stuff beyond talking to the doctors.” Gervais says.
“She loves Andy and Spence, and she loves to feel useful. She’s a whirlwind.” Robin says.
“I never had a Mom or anyone who was a substitute.” Gervais says.
“I can’t imagine, or Blue never having a dad. Did your dad never date?” Robin asks.
“He did but he never introduced me to anyone. He must have lived with one or two as I’d see women’s toiletries in the bathrooms sometimes when I was home from prep.” Gervais says.
“Its sad he’s never remarried.” Robin says.
“I think he put everything he had into the relationship with my mother and had nothing left to give anyone else, not me or a girlfriend.” Gervais says.
“I’m sorry about Emilie before. What actually happened? Why are you done?” Robin asks.
“I issued an ultimatum, if he went to Austin I was done for good and he eft anyway.” Gervais sighs.
“Are you’re sure about sticking to that? It was pretty rash.” Robin says.
“Yeah, for whatever reason it just hasn’t happened for us. I know a lot of that was my fault but I can’t take any more. I need to let it go and move on. Its going to be hard and I’ll need some space to get over it.” Gervais says.
“Bud I am so sorry. Won’t you always wonder what if? What it would be like?” Robin asks.
“Sure but like I said I’m ready to let go.” Gervais says.
“Don’t hide away, we’ll all still be friends.” Robin says.
“Thanks I appreciate it.” Gervais says hugging Robin.
“Now I am going for a nap, healing is exhausting.” Robin says.
Gervais lies down too and thinks about what he’s doing. He’s scared, but calm, ready. He soon falls asleep too.
Blue comes back to a quiet suite and smiles at the sleeping boys as he puts the laundry away. He makes up the bed for Spence and Andy and then goes back to Gervais, he looks so peaceful, so cute. Blue gets on the bed to hold him gently and is soon dreaming.
Gervais wakes first, and enjoys the feel of Blue against him for a moment. Then remembers the morning events.
“Blue get up, you can’t sleep here.” Gervais says nudging Blue.
“But you looked so cute.” Blue says sleepily.
“I meant what I said earlier. I’m done.” Gervais says.
“But I didn’t see Austin.” Blue says.
“But you would have if your momma hadn’t called.” Gervais says.
“I’m sorry. I was stupid, I wasn’t thinking properly, I get tunnel vision sometimes.” Blue pleads.
“It was one time too many. You’ve avoided choosing me a lot recently. I’m done.” Gervais says.
“Will we be friends?” Blue asks.
“Not right now. Its too hard.” Gervais says.
“And this is for real what you want. You don’t want me to fight for you?” Blue asks.
“I just want to draw a line on our will they won’t they situation. I need to move on.” Gervais says.
“If you ever change your mind….” Blue lets his offer hang in the air and leaves, heartbroken, knowing its all his own fault.