George wakes and snuggles closer to Blue. He feels so happy and relaxed. He is pleased his date idea worked and that things are moving forward. He knows he and Blue can be great together if they take the chance.
“Hey sexy.” Blue says waking, George looks up and kisses him.
“I like waking in these strong arms.” George says as Blue wraps them tighter.
“I like waking to your kisses.” Blue says and George kisses him some more.
“I can’t believe we have classes today.” George says.
“I can’t believe you’re awake. Want to come up to the pool with me?” Blue asks.
“Yeah, more kissing first.” George murmurs not wanting the moment to end.
“Thanks for a terrific date. Can I take you to dinner tonight? Well I need to see Cheryl to sort out when to do my classes and we can eat there.” Blue says.
“Sounds nice. I’d love to.” George says with a smile.
“I need to get my stuff, be ready in 5.” Blue says getting out of bed reluctantly. George watches him go and smiles.
Blue figures no one will be up so goes to his room nude. Gervais is in the main room about to begin his own.
“We’re about to go upstairs for yoga and swimming you should join us.” Blue says.
“Thanks, you don’t mind?” Gervais asks looking his ex-lover over.
“No, its cool. DeShawn will come too.” Blue says suddenly feeling a little self-conscious and scurrying off to get his clothes.
Gervais smiles to himself. Blue is still utterly adorable and college has clubely changed him.
On the roof George, Gervais and Blue have the place to themselves and start to move through their poses all enjoying the feel of the sun on their bodies.
DeShawn comes out and stares at them in shock, it was amazing to see Blue the day before but all three feels like a dream. DeShawn slips his hand into his shorts and strokes for a second. Man he’s love to have all three guys naked in his bed. Fuck he never imagined he’s be living with such hot confident, gay, guys.
DeShawn stops before he gets too hard, figuring he’ll really enjoy himself in the shower after. He heads to the pool, tosses his towel to the side and swims a few warmup laps while the guys are still doing their yoga.
Soon all four are swimming. George isn’t that strong a swimmer but is feeling more confident and is motivated to keep his body in shape for Blue.
Andy wakes late, alone, Robin has already left for class. Spence changing rooms mean no alarm and he has 5 minutes to get to class. Andy borrows clothes from Blue, not wanting to risk seeing Spence, grabs the last of the cookies from the kitchen and bolts out the door.
He sits in class as the syllabus is explained and contemplates what to do. He doesn’t want a break up but he does want change. Since he messed up last year he’s been on the back foot. While Spence has worked to keep him interested in bed he knows he has been the one to compromise the most in all other areas. He can’t work out how to ask for support without sounding accusatory or even start the conversation without an apology when he doesn’t think he owes one.
Knowing that Spence isn’t his forever guy is troubling Andy a lot and he has no idea how to handle it. It isn’t that he actually wants Blue or Deke or anyone else it is that he knows the future that Spence wants, that he is fully supportive of Spence having, is not one that he can fit into and deep down he knows he is okay with that, however much he loves Spence and wants to be with him right now.
Blue and Robin meet with Andy after his class for coffee.
“Stylish.” Robin laughs at Andy’s ill-fitting outfit.
“If you’d woken me I’d have had more time.” Andy laughs.
“I did, but you were dead again by the time I left.” Robin laughs.
“Feeling better for sleeping on it?” Blue asks.
“No but I’m ready to face him.” Andy says.
“I’m sure he’ll be calmer. He has to realize you have had a tough couple of months and need some help.” Blue says shaking his head.
“If he cared he would have come in last night.” Andy says.
“He needed to calm down. Problem for Spence is Gervais and I have made it clear we’re on your side and he’s alienated Blue and by extension George and so he’s left with Jesse, Elliot and Dylan to confide in.” Robin says.
“He’s not really done anything majorly wrong, I don’t want him alone without friends.” Andy laments.
“I can ask George to talk to him. I know they were close this summer.” Blue says.
“No I don’t want anyone speaking for me.” Andy says.
“I meant to help him work out why he’s so angry.” Blue says.
“Oh I see. No I think that should be me too.” Andy says.
“Robin I wondered if you might ask Deke to go tonight.” Blue says.
“I already did. Now he has a phone it’s so much easier.” Robin says.
“I forget, it takes me a while to remember I have one.” Blue laughs.
“That’s it I’m going to talk to Spence and then come too. High time Spence met Deke and realized he’s no threat.” Andy says confident that will help bridge the rift.
“You sure you and George won’t come?” Robin asks.
“I want to see Cheryl and we’ll enjoy a quiet night with you lot out.” Blue smiles.
“If Spence and I are okay we should go to dinner the 4 of us on Friday.” Andy says.
“Okay as long as Spence isn’t still mad at me.” Blue says.
“And I’m coming if I have a girlfriend by then.” Robin grins.
“Wow you’re not giving yourself much time, given you’re going to a gay club tonight.” Blue laughs.
“Oh I may have exchanged numbers with someone in class.” Robin says.
“Spill all.” Blue says with a smile.
“She’s cute, very tall so we’d look odd but she’s smart. I think we were in some classes together last year but we didn’t speak. She’s called Bea and talks ten million words a minute.” Robin says.
“So when are you taking her out?” Blue asks.
“I’m playing it cool. I’ll ask her for coffee after our next class.” Robin says.
“Do you really think she’ll go for someone with restricted growth like you?” Andy teases.
“My charm is a mile tall.” Robin says with confidence. It is true he is charming and girls like him despite his smallness.
“Hope it goes okay Andy, call if you need me, I have to jet.” Blue says heading off.
“Is it safe to talk or are you going to shout at me?” Andy asks going into his room after class.
“I missed you last night. I don’t want to fight.” Spence says.
“Good, I missed you too. I don’t want us to be over but I’m not happy.” Andy says.
“You’ve changed.” Spence says.
“I have. I’m not happy to just follow on with others plans. Cliché or whatever I did find myself this summer. I thought I was all grown up when I moved in with you but I wasn’t. We’re both going to grow and change.” Andy says.
“And what if I don’t like how you’ve changed?” Spence asks.
“Then I’ll know you’re not worth it. I know I need you more than usual right now but I also know I’m changing for the better.” Andy says.
“So I have to put up with it?” Spence asks.
“It’s not like we’re in the habit of trying to change each other.” Andy says.
“Only my attitude to third parties.” Spence says.
“You spent the summer fucking George. Are you really trying to tell me you’re still against third parties? Fuck should I stop making the effort to create scenes you enjoy?” Andy asks frustrated.
“I didn’t fuck George.” Spence says.
“But the rest? You love it now? It was a good change.” Andy says.
“I do love it.” Spence says.
“So why bring it up? Why put more shit on me? Why when I’m being totally open and vulnerable with you are you trying to make out that I’m the asshole?” Andy asks.
“I’m not. I’m saying you don’t have a monopoly on feeling insecure.” Spence says.
“I’m not feeling insecure. I am exhausted after trying to protect my sister from the world, from Jacob trying to fuck with her from the dead, from trying to reach out to my mom, from taking on more responsibility in my life. I just need my boyfriend to give a shit and acknowledge that I need some support and maybe step off giving me a hard time over the things I’m doing to cope, like just fucking talking to my friends. I need you. I really want it to be you that’s helping me.” Andy says feeling hopeless and so dejected that he has to point everything out.
“I can’t be there for you when I feel so cut off from you.” Spence says.
“I’m going out with the guys. I wanted you to come, to meet Deke to see he’s not some threat to you, he’s just a friend. I don’t know why we’re in a fight and I don’t want to be.” Andy says.
“We’re in a fight because you are running round telling everyone our business instead of coming to me.” Spence says.
“I’m going to everyone else because you were so hostile when I came to you. This summer was impossible not even being able to call you. But we’ve barely talked since we got back, not one to one.” Andy says.
“I missed you too. I hated not being able to call you or see you too. I hated waking up without you. I can’t lose you, I need you.” Spence says.
“You guys ready, uber is 2 minutes away.” DeShawn says banging on the door.
“You coming?” Andy asks.
“No, I don’t want to meet Deke when I’m feeling like this.” Spence says.
“Okay, am I welcome in here tonight if I go?” Andy asks.
“Yes, last night was torture.” Spence says and Andy kisses his cheek gently to say goodbye.
Spence lies back on his bed not sure what to do or how to feel. He knows he’s losing Andy and he just can’t work out how to hang on. Now that his family issues are settled and with his trust coming to him next month Spence really thought that things were about to settle down and be good. He realizes he has really overlooked all that Andy has been going through.
Spence drove Andy to meet his mom but didn’t go in with him and they didn’t talk all that much after. Spence thought Andy was just mulling it over. Maybe he should have pushed more. They’ve not been so out of tune since they broke up.
The club is packed, with back to school drinks promotions and lots of entertainment it is busier than any of the guys expected. Deke looks round in wonder, he’s never been around so many people in his life and is finding it exhilarating. Andy drags him outside to the smoking area so they can talk for a minute.
“Hey, crazy right?” Andy says.
“I never expected this. So many men.” Deke laughs.
“You look so happy, I was worried you’d be terrified. I didn’t expect it to be such a crush.” Andy says.
“I love it. It’s crazy. Thanks for including us. I look super cool to my roommates now.” Deke smiles.
“They’re pretty cute.” Andy says.
“I’d rather be with you.” Deke says and kisses Andy.
Andy lets himself melt into the kiss for a moment. Things are easier with Deke.
“We need to find you someone who is available.” Andy laughs.
“Lots of someones. I am planning to try everyone on for size.” Deke laughs.
“Perfect. Don’t let me hold you back, text me if you need me.” Andy says and kisses the younger boys cheek before leading him back inside.
“You two are looking so well. George the color you picked up at the beach suits you.” Cheryl says as they finish dinner.
“Thanks, Blue makes me feel so much more confident about myself.” George says.
“It shows.” Cheryl says.
“Isn’t he cute?” Blue says with a grin feeling very happy to have George by his side.
“When do I get my class?” Ocean asks.
“I don’t know. What days do you have gymnastics?” Blue asks.
“Monday, Tuesday Friday and Saturday.” Ocean says confidently.
“Wow that’s a lot. Do you need a check?” Blue asks.
“We’re okay for tuition, I was lucky this summer and did enough sessions at the retreat to cover this semester. He will be competing this year though and entry fees and new uniform would be a big help.” Cheryl says.
“Just let me know what and when.” Blue says.
“Thank-you.” Cheryl says.
“I have a half day on Thursday. Would it be okay if I do a smaller advanced class and charge more before the kid’s class?” Blue asks.
“Are you sure you can manage 3?” Cheryl asks.
“Sure no problem. Gervais will help with the kid’s class I expect.” Blue says.
“Gervais is a smelly poo.” Ocean says sticking out his lip.
“Hey we don’t call people names like that.” Cheryl says.
“He promised to take me fishing and he didn’t. He just left.” Ocean pouts.
“You came fishing with us, on the shore and in the boat.” Blue says.
“Gervais promised.” Ocean huffs.
“Talking of I promised Gervais some food. Have you anything hangover suitable?” Blue asks.
“Blue has converted him and he’s given up meat.” George says.
“You are quite remarkable staying friends: Cheryl says-
“He hurt me, and Ocean too but he knows it and is sorry. I think he lost more than I did.” Blue says.
“And he’s supportive of us. I don’t worry that he’s going to step between us.” George says.
“Well he needs the support. Not knowing about his mother his whole life is so difficult.” Cheryl says.
“I know nothing of my father and never will.” Blue says quietly.
“Your momma makes up for it though. Gervais and his dad barely had a relationship.” George says as Cheryl looks at Blue thoughtfully, and wonders that it isn’t time he knew the truth.
“I don’t have a dad and that’s okay, I have you.” Ocean pipes up hugging Blue.
“Not just me, you have Spence and Gervais, even if he was a smelly poo this summer and George, Andy and Robin. Lots of big brothers.” Blue says.
“6 big brothers. That is a lot.” Ocean says with a big smile.
“We should go. Thanks for the food and company.” Blue says.
“See you Thursday.” Cheryl says.
“Shall we drop off the food and go and join the others at the club, it looks busy and fun, Andy has sent loads of pics.” Blue says.
“Yes. I really don’t think clubs are for me with all the people but I need to go once.” George says.
“Thanks. It’s not that I don’t want alone time with you I do but I think Andy needs us, as Spence hasn’t gone. I’m worried about them.” Blue says.
“Should I stay home and talk to Spence?” George asks.
“I’m not going without you. I’m not ending a date dropping you off with my competition.” Blue says and George smiles.
“You are very hot when you’re jealous.” George says.
“I know you’re not interested. But right now I wouldn’t put it past Spence to come on strongly.” Blue says quietly.
“Spence was a good friend to me this summer. I don’t know why he’s being such a bitch when everything is going right for him.” George says.
“He’s worried he’s losing Andy, and he’s right to be.” Blue says.
They quickly unpack the food change and head out.
They all have a fun night. Gervais found a guy early in the evening to dance with and has barely left his side. DeShawn is getting a lot of attention from one of the barmen and the others are happily letting off steam.
“It’s my break. Come out back.” The barman says to DeShawn who follows him through to the ally behind the club for a quick but excellent fuck.
“You’re really hot.” Gervais say to Chris who he has been dancing with for an hour.
“I want to see you again.” Chris says.
“Somewhere we don’t have to shout.” Gervais laughs.
Chris slips his arms round Gervais and lifts him up so their faces are next to each other.
“I’m free all night. Can I come to yours?” Chris asks.
Gervais looks across the room at Blue and George dancing with Andy and Robin and knows he can’t bring anyone back tonight.
“Not tonight. What about yours?” Gervais asks.
“I have a roommate. Come on if we go now your friends won’t see me if you’re embarrassed.” Chris pushes.
“I’m not embarrassed, I have early classes tomorrow. Lets go out Friday.” Gervais says, however much he wants to move on he needs to take things slowly and he has too many hang-ups to deal with one night stands right now.
“It’s a date.” Chris says kissing at Gervais neck.
Andy has had a nice time letting loose, he has danced with everyone despite not usually liking to dance at all and feels a whole lot better. Ready to do what he needs to do to mend things with Spence.
At home he slips into his room quietly, expecting Spence to be asleep. As soon as he’s in bed Spence reaches for him and kisses him.
“I need you.” Spence whispers rubbing at Andy’s cock.
“Not now.” Andy says pulling away feeling uncomfortable, his good mood vanishing.
“What? You always want it Come on babe.” Spence cajoles.
“No. Spence we need to sort things out for real and not use a sex band aid.” Andy says rolling away.
“You never turn me down, ever.” Spence says hurt
“Doesn’t mean I can’t.” Andy says annoyed. Its true this is probably the first time he’s ever turned down sex with Spence but he shouldn’t be made to feel bad, not at the moment.
“Do you even want to make up? I thought you wanted me to think about things tonight. I did and I want to make you happy. I thought you needed attention and affection.” Spence says not sure what he’s done wrong now.
“I do want to make up and I do need attention. I just don’t want se right now. It’s not like you never turn me down.” Andy says.
“I’m sorry. I don’t feel like I can get anything right.” Spence says moving close to Andy stroking and kissing his back.
“Same. I’m over analyzing everything then complaining I’ve got too much to deal with. Tonight was good. I wish you’d have come. Are you working this weekend? Can we get away, no distractions? I have my summer money, Clara was damn generous in the end, its not all on you anymore.” Andy says.
“Please, in a few weeks I’ll have more money than I know what to do with, you’re never paying for anything ever.” Spence laughs and carries on kissing Andy’s back and neck, Andy relaxes and enjoys it for a moment before turning to face Spence so he can kiss him back.
Spence and Andy head off for the weekend. Spence well aware it’s the last decent stretch of time he’ll be able to give Andy until thanksgiving. They muddled along together the last couple of days accepting that things are not quite right but committed to getting things back on track.
“I love living with our friends but I wish it wasn’t such a big group. I wish we’d got an apartment.” Andy says.
“Yeah I’d have been happy with just Robin, George and Blue.” Spence says.
“But you don’t like Blue.” Andy laughs.
“I do, I was just taking things out on him. We’ll make up once you and I are sorted.” Spence says.
“I’m sorry I’ve been such a pain. I really didn’t get a mental break this summer and it was really hard without you.” Andy says.
“I’m sorry for being so slow to get it. Robin and Gervais were trying to spell it out but I didn’t get it, I thought it was about Deke and George not you yourself.” Spence says.
“Blue was good to me this summer and I can understand why it looked the way it did and why you got mad. He was a huge influence on me this summer. I always expected I’d end up an accountant or teacher some career that was vaguely portable, where some states might be harder than others to transfer to but I’d mostly be able to move wherever. I didn’t have dreams for myself I just thought I’d follow you.” Andy says.
“I’d have hated you having that life. I love how easy going you are and how you always supported me wrestling, coaching, whatever you’re always there but I’d love you to find your passion. I’d love to support you. I’m proud of you as you are but it would be nice to be able to show off about something you’ve done too.” Spence says.
“I kind of have. Well not entirely and maybe not my own passion.” Andy says.
“Explain it all. I feel like Robin and Blue and Gervais got to share so much with you this summer and I missed out.” Spence says.
“You know Blue has talked about a vineyard? At the beginning of the summer the idea of working with him, not the growing or producing but the marketing or logistics or the business side appealed. Being my own boss in a start-up that had a tangible product seemed amazing. Then as the summer went on and I found I enjoyed the manual work, being outside and I’m not half as lazy as we thought. I began thinking about the whole operation. I don’t know if it would be a vineyard or as Robin suggested a brewery or bakery or restaurant with smallholding. Something real, physical, productive. I don’t know.” Andy tails off.
“Sounds like you’re on a good path.” Spence says.
“Yeah, I’m not certain yet but the seeds are there. But it doesn’t fit with what you want, coaching and moving around from team to team. For sure initially I need to get experience and so moving jobs would be okay and hell I might never have enough money to do what I need. But long term what you want doesn’t fit with what I want. You’ll be in cities and I want the country. You’ll be on the go and we’d both work crazy hours. We won’t make it.” Andy says.
“So what? You want to give up before we have a chance to try?” Spence asks annoyed that Andy has really been holding back so much more than just his family issues.
“I’ve been stressed about it. About whether we should break up now or later.” Andy says.
“You’ve had your dream for 5 minutes and my coaching one is pretty new too. We’ll have hundreds of ideas before we graduate, some feasible and some not. Sure I’m putting most of my eggs in the coaching basket right now but I might take a class that inspires me to be something else. We shouldn’t be sweating it yet. I can’t believe you thought we should break up because our work schedules might not gel in three years.” Spence says feeling laughter bubbling up inside.
“I thought it might be better to let you find someone who suits you better.” Andy says.
“Baby I just want you. When you are in the room I only see you. We’ll work it out but please don’t get so worked up over the future without telling me your plans. Maybe we’ll go into business together. Maybe we’ll sell the beach house and buy some land, I’ll open a wrestling gym and coach while you create an orchard and make applesauce. We can come up with a plan that fits.” Spence says.
“You wouldn’t settle for that. You’ll be out there chasing and dealing and moving to the top.” Andy says.
“So you want to throw this away?” Spence asks frustrated and annoyed. He’s trying to humor Andy and his stupid ideas and it still isn’t good enough.
“No. I love you. I missed you every day this summer. I don’t know Spence. I feel so dissatisfied right now. Not with you specifically but in general. What if we’re not right for each other? What if I’m holding you back from the sort of guy you should be with?” Andy asks.
“Stop it. We wouldn’t have lasted so long if we weren’t right for each other. I’ve worked too fucking hard on this relationship to lose it because you’ve got some teenage malaise. Grow the fuck up and stop treating me like shit. I get that you’ve had a hard summer and you need some attention now. I am prepared for that and ready to spoil you until you feel better. But this navel gazing shit isn’t you. You’ve spent too long with those fucking hippies.” Spence says letting all his frustrations out.
“Oh fuck you’re right. This isn’t me. Get those jeans off.” Andy says and dives at his boyfriend.