The suite saga 68

Blue is avoiding George. As far as he is concerned he has apologized twice and tried to make amends and the ball is in George’s court. Each day he heads to the suite when he knows George is in class and gets clothes or books and tries to make sure one of the others see him so no one but Jesse knows anything is amiss.

The weather has turned colder so not being on the roof for yoga is no surprise and DeShawn is sleeping in more and working out in his room now that he has Deke and Dylan.

Blue is not mixing with his new roommates at all and just going to his room to study and sleep.

On Wednesday he meets with Bea for ice-cream, armed with his tablet ready filled with pictures of home and his momma.

“I’m sorry I was so rude to you that first night. I was totally overwhelmed and struggling to make sense of any of it. I understand you going after Robin to get to me. If I didn’t know momma I wouldn’t know whether or not she’d carry through her threat.” Blue says.

“We were all exhausted and overwhelmed. I’d met you a couple of times but I was so on edge about Kit’s reaction, both to me letting the secret out and to meeting you. Plus I knew it was over with Robin. It was one crazy night.” Bea says.

“Robin treated you badly. I love him very much but he is awful to women.” Blue says.

“I really liked him. I knew he had other girls on the go and normally I’d leave but I needed to keep our connection.” Bea says.

“Even though you were alienating me with your questions?” Blue asks with a laugh.

“I know I was awful.” Bea laughs.

“Did you plan on Robin seeing the picture?” Blue asks.

“Yeah, not quite yet but I was drunk and my mom had been mean to me on the phone earlier and so I did it. I guess I have this whole fantasy about my real mother that she’d love me, no that she’ll actually like me and want to have me around.” Bea says.

“Why do your parents like Chris more than you? You’re a great student and straight, a far easier combination than Chris.” Blue says.

“Ah you know, Kit is the golden child who can do no wrong, because they chose him over you. I spent years trying to be perfect so they might like me. It didn’t work and now I have a chance, a small chance to be free of them both.” Bea says.

“Momma isn’t a walk in the park. We are very close and she has my back but she has been pretty hard on me sometimes. I just accepted that was how things were, other kids I was at school with had hard parents too, and many making sure the kids knew there was no choice but to join the family business. So I had no idea that her controlling some of my interests was a bad thing. Gervais got really mad over the summer about some things. I just thought it was because he loved me that he always thought I was in the right. But she is tough and pretty controlling. I get it but it isn’t easy.” Blue says.

“But she encourages some things. Your cooking for example and the yoga.” Bea says.

“Yes but even then if I bake something and I’ve made a better version before she will tell me never to make the new effort again. Even if it is good. She is very supportive of some things and refuses to entertain others. I know how to read her mood and rarely push back which drove Gervais nuts.” Blue says.

“Do you think she’ll want to meet me?” Bea asks thinking his momma sounds okay to her.

“I am certain she will. It’ll be hard for both of you, you and Chris are the living reminder she missed out on raising you. And lost her best friend. Momma has a lot of friends but I bet she misses your mom.” Blue says.

“Can I see the pictures?” Bea asks.

They sit and trade childhood stories and look at pictures and laugh and cry. Bea is far less intense now and Blue is happy they get along.

“Robin told me a little about you and Gervais, because of Kit dating him. Were you very much in love?” Bea asks.

“He was everything to me. I thought that was it I’d found my husband and we were going to get married and have kids and a long happy life together. I will never really understand how he left me so easily. It’s impossible for me to think his feelings weren’t real but they weren’t and I have accepted that. We’ve both moved on and we’re friends again.” Blue says biting his lip and looking away.

“If he left Kit and asked you back would you go?” Bea asks.

“I have George.” Blue says quietly.

“Except you seem to be broken up.” Bea says.

“Gervais has Chris. If he left Chris for me then I’d lose the two of you. Even if he didn’t have Chris I know he doesn’t want me that way, he never really loved me that way and I deserve something real.” Blue says.

“Should I worry that he’ll drop my brother like he did you?” Bea asks.

“No, Gervais is in a better place. Last year was really rough.” Blue says.

“I am not looking forward to being back out there. I might give dating a miss for a while.” Bea says.

“If it isn’t too awkward with Robin being there you should come to climbing and the club on Friday. We can dance together. I don’t know what is happening with George and he hates the club part anyway. When do you ever get to dance with someone taller than you?” Blue asks with a smile.

“My brother would never be seen dead dancing with me. I would love to but might skip the climbing part to avoid Robin.” Bea says.

“Okay I’ll text the details.” Blue says with a big smile. On the walk back to his room he wonders if he should skip the climbing part too but that would draw attention to things with Andy and Gervais.

Oh hell Bea will probably tell Chris, who will tell Gervais that I’ve moved out. Fuck. Blue mutters to himself.

Gervais knocks on Blue’s door he wants to know how it went with Bea tonight.

“Come in.” George says.

“Oh is Blue still out with Bea?” Gervais asks looking around.

“You’d know more than I would.” George says.

“You live with him.” Gervais says trying to keep calm.

“Not anymore.” George says.

“Are you for real? Where is he sleeping?” Gervais asks.

“Don’t know, don’t care.” George says.

“Seriously? You mean he could be sleeping in his car again?” Gervais asks.

“Like I said, I don’t care.” George says.

“For someone who chased him pretty hard you’re letting him go awfully easily. Pretty callous to do it when he needs you most.” Gervais says and leaves the room.

He knows Blue was here earlier, they spoke about him seeing Bea. He knocks on Andy’s door.

“Has Blue been sleeping in here?” Gervais asks.

“No. Are he and George done?” Andy asks.

“He’s not been sleeping there and he’s not with me or you. I’m going to check his car.” Gervais says.

“I’ll call him.” Andy says.

“I thought we were friends again and he pulls this crap.” Gervais says.

“He always wants alone time when he’s upset. I cannot believe George dumped him right now. He just found out he has a real life double, of course he wanted to make sure he looks different.” Andy says very upset.

“And it looks hot and George is not even cute.” Gervais says.

“Oh just bitch behind my back why don’t you.” George says.

“Shut up George. Blue is going through so much right now and the last thing he needed was you throwing him out.” Andy says.

“He can afford a hotel.” George shrugs and walks off.

“What happened to cute, sweet, goofy George?” Andy asks.

“Blue created a monster.” Gervais says shaking his head.

“Straight to voicemail.” Andy says and follows Gervais out the door to the car.

“Well he’s not here and it looks super tidy.” Gervais says.

“I’m calling Cheryl.” Andy says.

Gervais looks around worried. He’s been scared for Blue ever since Friday, he knew he was bottling things up but for him not to have talked to either of them about George and to have just taken off is really worrying.

“She’s not heard from him.” Andy says.

“Let’s go back inside. Maybe Robin or Deke know where he is.” Gervais says.

They draw a blank with Robin and Deke and sit down waiting for Spence to get back from work.

Andy bangs the arms of the couch in frustration.

“Hey what’s going on?” Elliot asks.

“We don’t know where Blue is. He’s not been sleeping here. Have you seen him?” Gervais asks.

“He’s in my room. I promised him I wouldn’t tell you so you wouldn’t worry. He’s fine but needs space.” Jesse says.

“Thanks Jesse.” Gervais says and feels awful that his mended friendship just isn’t that strong. Andy is feeling similarly bad.

“Did you track him down?” Robin asks.

“He’s staying in my room, he wanted space. I didn’t think he’s stay away so long.” Jesse says.

“Thanks Jesse. You’ve given him somewhere safe to be at least.” Robin says as upset as Andy and Gervais.

“It is weird he isn’t just staying in Robin’s bed.” Elliot says surprised that Jesse kept the secret even from him.

“I expect he feels some loyalty to Bea and I messed her around.” Robin says.

“And I’m dating his brother.” Gervais says.

“And I already share with Spence.” Andy sighs.

“He could have used the bed out here.” Robin says.

“Then we’d have known.” Gervais says.

“We all know he and George are in a fight.” Andy says.

“He’s allowed some privacy to cry.” Gervais says.

“For 3 days? He didn’t cry that long over you.” Andy says.

“Give him a break if he needs alone time that that is what he needs. I know he went out with Bea tonight so he isn’t moping around.” Gervais says.

“I don’t like it.” Andy says.

“Neither do I but he has to concentrate on himself and not pleasing anyone else right now.” Gervais says.

“I’m sorry I didn’t say sooner. I didn’t know how worried you were.” Jesse says.

“We again didn’t realize he wasn’t here. I saw him yesterday he must have been getting clean clothes.” Andy says.

“Same today. I thought he had a big bag as he was taking photo albums for Bea. Daft when I know he has all his pictures on his hard drive.” Gervais shakes his head.

The guys drift off to bed and Jesse goes to see George.

“You’ll never get another one like Blue. You never even liked anyone else.” Jesse says.

“Right, so I need him to come to me. He has to show that he has something to lose.” George says.

“He came to you twice to apologize, before dinner and during when he brought you dessert. Any man gives me a slice of that cheesecake, which he’s made himself and I’d be naked in two seconds.” Jesse says.

‘He didn’t mean it, he just wanted me to come to dinner to save face in front of his siblings.” George says.

“But he said the words I’m sorry?” Jesse asks.

“Sure but timing is everything and he was in the corner.” George says.

“You are insane. You deserve to lose him and be single forever.” Jesse says.

“My single life wasn’t so bad and I know its not so hard to get sex if I want it.” George says.

“While you’re young.” Jesse says.

“I plan on being very rich.” George says.

“Well enjoy your se with rent boys and working yourself to death. Blue offered you so much more than that.” Jesse says and leaves.

George shrugs to himself. Blue will come back. Pushing him away always worked for Gervais. He needs more than a one line apology he needs reassurance that Blue will put him first despite what is going on.

Blue skips climbing on Friday and takes Bea for dinner instead, he lets Andy know so he doesn’t worry. Bea and Blue are getting to know each other and both are delighted that they actually do like each other. They sit and map out their similarities and differences and take great delight in finding out which habits they share, which foods they both hate and which music they have in common.

“You are literally the brother I always wanted.” Bea laughs as they walk on to the club.

“I never thought of siblings at all. I have Andy and Katelyn. Oh man Katelyn will be delighted to have a big sister, I can’t wait for you to meet her.” Blue says with a smile.

“I like the idea that I also have siblings I’ve never met.” Bea laughs.

“Did you ever imagine you had half siblings?” Blue asks.

“No, I always thought of it being just you and your mom.” Bea shrugs.

Blue and Bea have a blast together dancing. Andy and Gervais smile and both decide to stop worrying, space is clearly working out for Blue.

George watches from across the room annoyed, his plan is not working. Blue is supposed to be miserable without him not partying with the awful Bea. Ugh everyone is coupled up so he can’t even use someone to make Blue jealous.

As the night ends and they start to leave George grabs Blue by the hand and pulls him aside.

“Whats going on?” George asks.

“I’m going home after a fun night.” Blue says.

“When are you coming home?” George asks.

“Do you want me to?” Blue asks.

“I don’t want things to be over but they have to change.” George says.

“Brunch tomorrow? We can talk then.” Blue says.

“You want another night apart?” George asks.

“No.” Blue shakes his head and looks down.

“Lets go to your room and talk.” George says.

“Okay, that would be nice.” Blue says and takes George’s hand.

Andy sees them and sighs, he can’t believe blue might take George back.

“Don’t be mad at him, I took you back after worse.” Spence says.

“I’m always glad you did.” Andy says slipping his arm around Spence.

“And I’m glad you’ve given me second and third chances recently.” Spence says.

“You’re my man and whenever I think the grass is greener or I want something different I need to remember just how much I’d be losing. So you dropped the ball this time. You’ve been there for me a million times before.” Andy says.

“I love you babe.” Spence says feeling super romantic and happy.

“Love you too, so much.” Andy says. The go home to a very loving night.

Blue reaches for George as soon as they shut the door to Jesse’s room.

“Wait we’re not there yet.” George says.

“I thought you wanted to get back together.” Blue says confused.

“If I take you back things have to change.” George says and Blue looks at him not sure he heard right.

How is George calling the shots when he was so mean? Blue thinks confused. Then he remembers what he did with Gervais and even though George doesn’t know he should be the one naming terms.

“What do I need to do? I really, really want you back.” Blue asks.

“You can’t lean on Gervais and Andy so much. I think it’s best if you don’t spend any time with Gervais at all and a lot less with Andy.” George says.

“What about Robin?” Blue asks feeling numb.

“You need to think of me first, if you have a problem, you need to talk come to me. I am supposed to be your boyfriend but you’ve let everyone else in.” George says.

“It was a crazy night.” Blue says.

“It’s not just that night, staying with Gervais after and not including me when you talked to Cheryl.” George says.

“I didn’t know it was about me that night I thought Robin was having a crisis.” Blue says.

“Why was Andy there? Why would Robin include him and not me?” George asks.

“I don’t know.” Blue says honestly.

“It’s because your friends don’t respect our relationship. They all see Andy and Gervais as more important to you than me. If we get back together you have to show them that I come first, you have to show me that I come first.” George says.

“You’re right. I would hate it if you went to Jesse or Spence first. I can see them less and I will come to you first.” Blue says.

“You can’t see Gervais at all.” George says.

“But I can’t avoid him, he’s dating my brother and we just got back to being friends.” Blue says.

“So you’re still putting him before me.” George says.

“No, no I’m not. I won’t see him and no more man dates with Andy.” Blue says.

“Thank-you. And no more messing around with Robin.” George says.

“I haven’t not since long before you.” Blue says indignant.

“Just making everything clear.” George says.

“And you’ll be exclusive with me?” Blue asks.

“I’ll weigh up opportunities as they arise. Spence’s party was great and I am glad I went.” George says.

“So I never get a say.” Blue asks trying to find his backbone.

“You can’t tell me what to do.” George says.

“But you can dictate who I am friends with.” Blue says wondering why everything is one way.

“That is for our benefit as a couple. I know what is best for us. And Gervais being around is not good for us.” George says.

“Can I still hang out with Bea?” Blue asks.

“Of course I wouldn’t stop you seeing your sister but I don’t know why you’d want to, we both hated her before.” George says.

“She just wanted to know me and find out more about Clara without losing Chris. She’s not had the easiest time growing up in Chris’s shadow and sometimes she forgets that everyone isn’t like her parents and she doesn’t need to try so hard. She’s really nice. I hope you’ll get to know her. We are planning to go for ice cream with her friends this week and I’d love you to come.” Blue says.

“That sounds good.” George says and Blue smiles, George almost looks like himself again.

“Can we kiss and make up now?” Blue asks.

“Do you really want me back? Are you really going to give up on Gervais?” George asks wanting Blue to beg.

“George I need you. I will do whatever it takes to get us back on track. I’ve pushed you aside and I’m really sorry.” Blue says gently, stroking George’s hair.

“That’s more like it.” George says and they fall back on the bed and kiss until they fall asleep.

“Am I allowed to see Gervais at dinner tonight?” Blue asks on Sunday morning.

“I don’t think so. Can you really not go two days without seeing him?” George asks.

“Sorry. I’ll claim a headache this week so Andy stays off my back.” Blue says.

“It’s pretty stormy out.” George says looking out the window.

“Then get back to bed.” Blue says with a smile.

After Blue misses Sunday dinner the others start to miss it too and soon it doesn’t happen at all. Blue and Bea get to know each other a lot. Blue never gets to meet her friends, something always comes up with George when he arranges to.

Blue and Bea talk about Bea coming up for part of winter break to meet Clara. Blue and Clara are not talking very often, neither making the effort, its just too hard to do over the phone.

Chris and Gervais reset their relationship, Gervais confides about his past and his parent’s death and Chris is pretty sympathetic. He’s really proud of Gervais overcoming so much and chooses to ignore the part his brother played in it. In return he talks about growing up in his dysfunctional family, how once he decided he could never live up to his parents expectations they seemed to like him even more and Bea gets left further and further behind. He’s fiercely protective of his sister outside the family but accepts her place at the bottom of the pile within it.

Gervais feels sad that Blue and Chris haven’t bonded at all and that he doesn’t get to see him at all.

For a couple of weeks he’d have text conversations with Blue until Blue asked him to stop. He tried going back to yoga but Blue wasn’t happy, not unhappy to see him, he looked delighted but then worried and told him George wouldn’t like it.

Gervais tries to track down George to talk it out but he dodges him at every turn so he gives up. He did the same to Blue earlier in the year so he can’t be mad but he feels a little unsettled.

“Blue not here again?” Gervais asks Andy at climbing one Friday.

“I never see him. I’ve asked him for lunch and coffee but he never has time. He rarely messages me back. I think he’s overdoing it on the study.” Andy says.

“He trains with DeShawn a bit and he still swims even though it’s freezing, he has a key to the roof.” Gervais relays information he has from Bea.

“I miss him.” Andy says.

“Me too.” Gervais says softly.

“I really hate George. I swear it’s him keeping Blue away. I wish they’d never got together.” Andy says.

“Are they happy?” Gervais asks.

“I don’t know.” Andy says.

“Blue is strong he can look after himself. He’s probably talking to Robin about things or Bea. He won’t want to rock things between me and Chris or you and Spence.” Gervais says trying to hide his hurt and concern.

“Yeah maybe he’s backed off to give us some space. We’ll have time together over winter break we can find out what is going on then.” Andy says.

“It’s weird he’s done no cooking or baking since that big dinner.” Gervais says.

“I am wasting away without his treats.” Andy says.

“You are looking thin.” Gervais says looking at Andy.

“I’ve been running when Spence is working. There’s an indoor track at one of his gyms so I run while he works and we get extra time together in the car on those nights. I need to be in shape for next summer if I’ll be working on farms, I should do strength work but it bores me stupid.” Andy says.

“Well tell Blue you have a cookie emergency.” Gervais says curious as to how Blue would respond.

“He’s not been talking to Clara much, which is understandable but he’s only called Katelyn once in the last few weeks when they’d usually talk two or three times a week.” Andy says.

“That really isn’t like him. It’s like he’s disappearing.” Gervais says.

The guys go on to the club both trying to push niggles of concern out their heads.